The Ashes

[jazmunda]

You all looked so crestfallen the other day we had to try and keep your spirits up by making it slightly competitive. Sigh, I wish all these cricketers weren't all swathed in body art these days, one of the curses of modern life. Why people pay money to look like someone's prison bitch beats me. It's hard to imagine Colin Cowdrey going out to bat tattooed to the eyebrows.

Steve Smith getting squared up at the moment and looking all at sea, so that is something at least.

My number one sport is Australian Rules Football and many of the players these days are covered in tatts. Most have whole sleeves and now the legs are starting to get the same treatment. Not my cup of tea. It will be a hoot to see these guys at 70 or 80 years of age if they make it.

[SredniVashtar]

Lunch: 104-1

Perfect conditions for flat-track bullies Australia to play on. Slow and low pitch, ideal for batsmen who don't have the technique to cope with a moving ball. They'd be disappointed if they didn't make at least 400 on this, and probably nearer 500. They'd have to get most of them in boundaries though, because their pacemakers won't allow them to run between the wickets very often.

Highlight of the morning session: Warner throwing away his wicket by slogging the ball into the air like a big girl's blouse and getting caught on the boundary.

[SredniVashtar]

My number one sport is Australian Rules Football and many of the players these days are covered in tatts. Most have whole sleeves and now the legs are starting to get the same treatment. Not my cup of tea. It will be a hoot to see these guys at 70 or 80 years of age if they make it.

Good god yes. I have started to notice that this year, with the summer, people have started tattooing their calves too. As if they didn't look revolting enough. It must hurt like hell too when they have it done. It's like an illness with some people, they start with one and they just go on and on. People talk about working their way towards a 'sleeve' the way some people talk about saving up for a holiday cottage on the coast.

[jazmunda]

This thread is a little bit quiet today. The pommie girls must still be a little hungover.

[SredniVashtar]

I thought you'd have gone to bed by now.

'myes, a little bit flat today, in all senses of the word. I hope Art doesn't drop the ball on the 20th as calamitously as his long-lost son Ian did in the slips earlier. We need all the help we can get at the moment. We shall see, still a long way to go and I expected you to be better than you were the other day. I can't see us getting you bastards (and I mean that in a caring way) out for much under 500 right now, but stranger things have happened, and we might get a bit of reverse soon. Let's hope for something because I need something to stop the gloating.

[maureen]

I thought you'd have gone to bed by now.

'myes, a little bit flat today, in all senses of the word. I hope Art doesn't drop the ball on the 20th as calamitously as his long-lost son Ian did in the slips earlier. We need all the help we can get at the moment. We shall see, still a long way to go and I expected you to be better than you were the other day. I can't see us getting you bastards (and I mean that in a caring way) out for much under 500 right now, but stranger things have happened, and we might get a bit of reverse soon. Let's hope for something because I need something to stop the gloating.

In the pause that refreshes, a little Well-tempered Clavicord with the brilliant Glenn Gould and an anecdote...

Glenn Gould, known for his phobia of germs, was playing with the dog, rolling on the floor, at my Mum's house. Mum comes in with tea and sneezes. Glenn gets up, bundles himself into his car and finishes the meeting from his car.

Carry on!

[SredniVashtar]

Maureen, you are kidding? You really knew Glenn Gould? Or your mum did? He is my absolute hero

The day was going pretty terribly until I read that. Jazmunda, just shut up!

[maureen]

Maureen, you are kidding? You really knew Glenn Gould? Or your mum did? He is my absolute hero

The day was going pretty terribly until I read that. Jazmunda, just shut up!

Yes, Mum was a very charming lady of the arts, mainly as a theatre manager, and worked with John McGreevy on his series of documentaries, Cities. That anecdote came from when they were filming Glenn Gould's Toronto. She also hobnobbed with Anthony Burgess and with Sophia Loren for that same series.

So many great people and wonderful artists passed through my mum's house.... oh, the stories that could be told!!!

[Yorkshire pud]

Forty minutes in and the 'confession'. It's hilarious..And shows the way a certain Aussie didn't honour a bet...


http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0612r93#auto

[jazmunda]

Two little prim and proper English boys on a certain forum are getting a right royal spanking.

I'll try and be as gentle as I can lads. Bite into a pillow this won't hurt a bit.

1/337 at stumps.

[Yorkshire pud]

Two little prim and proper English boys on a certain forum are getting a right royal spanking.

I'll try and be as gentle as I can lads. Bite into a pillow this won't hurt a bit.

1/337 at stumps.

Going for the draw then?  :

[aldousburbank]

Yes, Mum was a very charming lady of the arts, mainly as a theatre manager, and worked with John McGreevy on his series of documentaries, Cities. That anecdote came from when they were filming Glenn Gould's Toronto. She also hobnobbed with Anthony Burgess and with Sophia Loren for that same series.

So many great people and wonderful artists passed through my mum's house.... oh, the stories that could be told!!!

Bella Haven alert!

[Roswells, Art]

Think of England.

[jazmunda]

Going for the draw then?  :

That will be up to our bowlers. 

[jazmunda]

Where are my pommies at?

[jazmunda]

You're not going to even gloat about the fall of an early wicket?

2/362

[SredniVashtar]

You're not going to even gloat about the fall of an early wicket?

2/362

Sigh, I have been up all night on the ouija board trying to contact Wilhelm Reich; I wanted to make sure it would rain for the next four days. Things were going well too, until right at the end he said I had actually been talking to Richie Benaud, who told me to go fuck myself. Never knew he was like that, but you can take the boy out of Aussie but not the Aussie out of the boy.

Yes, well, we shall see. I am not going to hide. I am just banking on the Ed Dames prediction. bleak though things seem right now, but it is always darkest before the dawn. We still have to bat on this surface too, if we can forget about scoreboard pressure. We haven't seen the best of Cook yet, who could  bat for two days and bore you all to death, we just need someone to stay with him and this thing could degenerate into a bore draw. Please god.

By the way, I heard that David Warner has left the team mid-test to open a florists with long-term life-partner David Boon, so that's something at least. Also, Warner heard someone say 'come on England', and he took it literally. Leading to several of the England squad having to go to hospital for AIDS tests.

[SredniVashtar]

Yes, Mum was a very charming lady of the arts, mainly as a theatre manager, and worked with John McGreevy on his series of documentaries, Cities. That anecdote came from when they were filming Glenn Gould's Toronto. She also hobnobbed with Anthony Burgess and with Sophia Loren for that same series.

So many great people and wonderful artists passed through my mum's house.... oh, the stories that could be told!!!

Burgess too? Good god, another of my favourites. Sophia Loren goes without saying  .

Any memories of Jon Vickers? Another great Canadian who died the other day and who still gives me shivers whenever I hear his recordings. I damn near fell out of my chair when you mentioned Gould. I was pressed for time yesterday, but I meant to say that that anecdote was classic Gould. He was probably wearing his winter coat, cap and gloves as well. He makes me happy and sad at the same time, I wish he had had a more fulfilling personal life, he just seemed too odd to cope with normal relationships.

Anyway, you seem to know who's who and what's what, so I need to ask you a very serious question.

Australians: they're just the most awful people, aren't they? Even the one on here is one of the less irksome ones, and he's still the most unbearable scoundrel.

[jazmunda]

Speaking of David Boon. Did you know that he holds the record for number of beers sunk on the flight from Australia to England in 1989. He downed 52 cans smashing the previous record of 44 set by Doug Walters and Rod Marsh on earlier tours.

He went on to average 55 runs with the Aussies winning the series 4-0.

http://m.foxsports.com.au/cricket/the-ashes/great-ashes-moment-no14-david-boons-52-cans-of-beer-on-the-way-to-england-in-1989/story-e6frf3gl-1226670111988

[SredniVashtar]

Speaking of David Boon. Did you know that he holds the record for number of beers sunk on the flight from Australia to England in 1989. He downed 52 cans smashing the previous record of 44 set by Doug Walters and Rod Marsh on earlier tours.

He went on to average 55 runs with the Aussies winning the series 4-0.

http://m.foxsports.com.au/cricket/the-ashes/great-ashes-moment-no14-david-boons-52-cans-of-beer-on-the-way-to-england-in-1989/story-e6frf3gl-1226670111988

Yes, that's a fair dinkum Aussie for ya! I remember when he came here on his first tour he was reliably rubbish, but when he came back we could never get him out. Brings back nightmares. That absolute shit of a day yesterday reminds me of the time when Marsh and Taylor batted all day (89?), so at least we got one out, even if it was practically suicide.

God knows what Boon looks like these days, He wasn't exactly in prime physical shape when he was playing.

[SredniVashtar]

Dammit, why don't it rain?

[jazmunda]

Dammit, why don't it rain?

That's what I was praying for last match.

[jazmunda]

Yes, that's a fair dinkum Aussie for ya! I remember when he came here on his first tour he was reliably rubbish, but when he came back we could never get him out. Brings back nightmares. That absolute shit of a day yesterday reminds me of the time when Marsh and Taylor batted all day (89?), so at least we got one out, even if it was practically suicide.

God knows what Boon looks like these days, He wasn't exactly in prime physical shape when he was playing.

[SredniVashtar]

A bit of grey in the Key West Butt Tickler, but otherwise better preserved than he has any right to be. I am not crowing about these wickets by the way; I don't want to think that this pitch is doing anything, thanks very much.

[SredniVashtar]

Is the name of the Aussie Physio really Alex Clitoris?

[jazmunda]

Is the name of the Aussie Physio really Alex Clitoris?

HA HA HA

Alex Kountouris.

http://alexkountouris.com/

One day his kids will google his name and find BellGab (and Falkie). 

[SredniVashtar]

HA HA HA

Alex Kountouris.

http://alexkountouris.com/

One day his kids will google his name and find BellGab (and Falkie). 

Close enough for Rock 'n' Roll! I'm starting to dislike Steve Smith intensely right now.

[SredniVashtar]

The jazmunda conundrum:

It's past midnight.  He desperately wants the Aussies to declare so that he can see an hour of his brave bowlers running through the Poms before he passes out.

Tell me I'm wrong.

[jazmunda]

The jazmunda conundrum:

It's past midnight.  He desperately wants the Aussies to declare so that he can see an hour of his brave bowlers running through the Poms before he passes out.

Tell me I'm wrong.

I'm typing this post in bed. Can't keep my eyes open. Good luck.

[SredniVashtar]

I'm typing this post in bed. Can't keep my eyes open. Good luck.

Night night, don't let the spiders, snakes, crocodiles, David Warner bed bugs bite.