The Ashes

[jazmunda]

Well we will get a result one way or the other now. I will reserve any gloating or graciousness for later. Good luck you pommy bastards.

[SredniVashtar]

Well we will get a result one way or the other now. I will reserve any gloating or graciousness for later. Good luck you pommy bastards.

Why, thank you  .

I feel better now; it felt odd that I hadn't been called a Pommy bastard before, I was beginning to think there was something wrong with you. It was just a matter of being patient.

Like your inevitable demise tomorrow 

[Yorkshire pud]

Australia need 412 to 'win' (fat fucking chance).

Pit England's vibrant young side against a bunch of crotchety old gits and you get the expected result. Total humiliation and embarrassment. If this was boxing the towel would have gone in a long time ago to prevent any undue punishment. Even the one player that have that is under 50 has strained a fetlock and is doubtful for the next one so they are in some trouble at the moment. It feels like 2005 (of blessed memory) all over again.

I hope Jaz will be suitably gracious when we wrap this up tomorrow.

The highlight of 2005 was Freddie Flintoff being interviewed, thoroughly pissed!  with the crowd chanting.

[SredniVashtar]

The highlight of 2005 was Freddie Flintoff being interviewed, thoroughly pissed!  with the crowd chanting.

I was in Trafalgar Square for the celebration and we all cheered when we saw Ponting get hit by Harmision in the face again. I think they all went on a bender of several days duration, and I'm not sure Freddie ever recovered. That was comfortably the best series I have ever seen, and nothing has ever matched up to it, and don't suppose it ever will. I used to love watching Vaughan bat (another bloody Yorkie), and Freddie was immense that summer, enjoying his Johnny Wilkinson moment.

[Yorkshire pud]

http://youtu.be/lzIJykoht-Q


"You're pissed and you know you are! "

[Roswells, Art]

http://youtu.be/lzIJykoht-Q


"You're pissed and you know you are! "

Time to start flipping cars and setting them on fire!

[SredniVashtar]

Makes me a bit melancholy watching that. Simon Jones in the background too. There has been a lot of talk the last few days about Flintoff's choices on Desert Island Discs, about how predictable and shitty they are, but he chooses To Kill a Mockingbird as his book. All very odd.

[SredniVashtar]

Time to start flipping cars and setting them on fire!

No, it was all very peaceable and restrained. Mainly because the Aussies were keeping quiet and out of the way (for a change), after their spanking. That's the thing about the Aussies, although they like to pretend they are being sporting and gracious in defeat, they hate losing, it just eats them up, whereas the Poms are used to it and take it in their stride. Witness Jaz tomorrow, trying to be good-natured with gritted teeth, while choking him up at the same time.

I remember when we won the rugby world cup and their prime minister had to present winner's medals to a bunch of pommy bastards who had just beaten Australia. He looked like he had just trodden in something. If he had to choose between doing that again and having a colonscopy without lube, he would be off with his legs in stirrups in no time.

[SredniVashtar]

Topically enough, I have just been reminded of a TV series that was aired a few years ago. It features (I'm told) a bunch of convicts getting poked in the tradesman's. So it's name was naturally...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118421/

[Roswells, Art]

No, it was all very peaceable and restrained. Mainly because the Aussies were keeping quiet and out of the way (for a change), after their spanking. That's the thing about the Aussies, although they like to pretend they are being sporting and gracious in defeat, they hate losing, it just eats them up, whereas the Poms are used to it and take it in their stride. Witness Jaz tomorrow, trying to be good-natured with gritted teeth, while choking him up at the same time.

I remember when we won the rugby world cup and their prime minister had to present winner's medals to a bunch of pommy bastards who had just beaten Australia. He looked like he had just trodden in something. If he had to choose between doing that again and having a colonscopy without lube, he would be off with his legs in stirrups in no time.

lol...I think we flip cars and set them on fire even when we win though...I'm not a sports fan so I could be mistaken...couches too apparently.

[jazmunda]

No, it was all very peaceable and restrained. Mainly because the Aussies were keeping quiet and out of the way (for a change), after their spanking. That's the thing about the Aussies, although they like to pretend they are being sporting and gracious in defeat, they hate losing, it just eats them up, whereas the Poms are used to it and take it in their stride. Witness Jaz tomorrow, trying to be good-natured with gritted teeth, while choking him up at the same time.

I remember when we won the rugby world cup and their prime minister had to present winner's medals to a bunch of pommy bastards who had just beaten Australia. He looked like he had just trodden in something. If he had to choose between doing that again and having a colonscopy without lube, he would be off with his legs in stirrups in no time.

I'm not sure I'll be able to make comment tomorrow as I have a colonoscopy booked.

[SredniVashtar]

lol...I think we flip cars and set them on fire even when we win though...I'm not a sports fan so I could be mistaken...couches too apparently.

That's just England and Australia though. The rivalry between India is Pakistan is quite another matter, and flipping over cars would be quite a refreshing episode of pacifism. Take two countries where cricket is the unofficial religion, throw in two different actual competing religions, add a couple of rather excitable populations. Shake well and garnish with nuclear weapons and you've got yourself a party.

[Roswells, Art]

Topically enough, I have just been reminded of a TV series that was aired a few years ago. It features (I'm told) a bunch of getting poked in the tradesman's. So it's name was naturally...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118421/

Oh yeah I remember when that came out. It had good reviews but I didn't watch it for the reason you described, hehe. Was it supposed to be an Australian prison? Excuse my ignorance please.

[SredniVashtar]

I'm not sure I'll be able to make comment tomorrow as I have a colonoscopy booked.

If it's a dildo it doesn't count..

[Yorkshire pud]

Oh yeah I remember when that came out. It had good reviews but I didn't watch it for the reason you described, hehe. Was it supposed to be an Australian prison? Excuse my ignorance please.

It's compulsory in Australian Prisons. They just carry their outside life into incarceration. It's okay, it's perfectly natural to them. The women shave their beards though, and it's said to breach human rights to make them clean shaven (on their faces).

[SredniVashtar]

Oh yeah I remember when that came out. It had good reviews but I didn't watch it for the reason you described, hehe. Was it supposed to be an Australian prison? Excuse my ignorance please.

I have no idea. I'm just using all I can at the moment while we are ahead to try and get at the Aussies. I grew up at a time where we didn't get near them for over fifteen years (damn you Waugh S and M, Warne, McGrath, Border, Ponting etc) so now I use every opportunity I can. Not to mention we got horribly mutilated last time.

[SredniVashtar]

It's compulsory in Australian Prisons. They just carry their outside life into incarceration. It's okay, it's perfectly natural to them. The women shave their beards though, and it's said to breach human rights to make them clean shaven (on their faces).

The only way you can tell the difference between the sexes is that the men spit further. Old 'Only Fools and Horses' joke for you there.

[nbirnes]

Topically enough, I have just been reminded of a TV series that was aired a few years ago. It features (I'm told) a bunch of getting poked in the tradesman's. So it's name was naturally...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118421/

I think you're thinking of this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_4jrMwvZ2A

[Roswells, Art]

I think you're thinking of this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_4jrMwvZ2A

Damn, Nancy. I don't have balls but that seems like a very cruel video. I would recommend any ball equipped people not watch that video.

[SredniVashtar]

I think you're thinking of this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_4jrMwvZ2A

This thread has clearly taken on an unexpected life of its own if it has enticed you to contribute.  Any thoughts on reverse swing? Sobers or Botham? I expect a good five minutes about the strengths and weaknesses of leg-spin bowling on your next show. At the very least you can hit Angel with a cricket bat the next time he tries to be amusing.

[SredniVashtar]

Excuse my ignorance please.

I take it you're American, so we make allowances.

[Roswells, Art]

I take it you're American, so we make allowances.

Was it my accent?

[SredniVashtar]

Was it my accent?

It's like ESP. Some people use it to find out the next day's racing results, I use mine to detect Americans.

[nbirnes]

It's like ESP. Some people use it to find out the next day's racing results, I use mine to detect Americans.

Your ESP is perfectly tuned. I am a 'mercun. No balls. No knowledge of this topic, but in traditional nationalistic fashion, I'm marching in with a cultural artifact from our cinema.

When we have this TV show for reals, it will be time to get into the bunker.

[jazmunda]

Any chance of rain in Cardiff today? Doesn't it always rain in the UK. Isn't that what you are known for? Besides the gay accents and the horrible teeth. Isn't that why all your tourists get horribly sun burnt when they visit Australia?

[SredniVashtar]

Any chance of rain in Cardiff today? Doesn't it always rain in the UK. Isn't that what you are known for? Besides the gay accents and the horrible teeth. Isn't that why all your tourists get horribly sun burnt when they visit Australia?

The rain it raineth every day, but not today in Cardiff, it seems. Isn't it a bit humiliating for a proud bunch (albeit descended from pickpockets and sheep stealers) to look to such an ignoble way out? Take your punishment like a man. Oh, mercy, if you go down today, and then you have to go to Lord's, it might all be over in a few more days.

I can smell the fear. Unless that's just the fricassee of wombat you left on the barby too long.

[SredniVashtar]

Any chance of rain in Cardiff today? Doesn't it always rain in the UK. Isn't that what you are known for?

Well, that and Shakespeare, Dickens, Newton...civilization in general really.

Australia's contribution? Paul Hogan, and Priscilla. Queen of the Desert. Or 'Brett Lee', as he is otherwise known.

[SredniVashtar]

Any truth to the rumour that Shane (ghost pussy) Watson woke up this morning at 4am "screaming like a girl", saying that he had been molested by evil spirits and was covered in ectoplasm? Only for his team-mates to explain that it was because he had been rooming with David Warner.

[SredniVashtar]

 Well, here we go.

Australia need 412 to 'win', and their hapless openers arrive at the middle, looking about as convincing as Noory's toupee

Freddie Mercury David Warner comes prancing nancifully to the wicket - the first openly gay Aussie cricketer since Steve Waugh and Merv Hughes got married in Vegas â€" fresh from an evening at Ramrods, the Cardiff S&M nightspot popular among those who favour the alternative lifestyle (a big favourite of  former Aussie trans-gender fast bowler Brett Lee) - if you're wondering, that's not zinc little Davey has all over his face.

And Chris Rogers, 75 this year, and comfortably the ugliest looking player in world cricket. Little known fact: he had a small acting role in 'The Hills Have Eyes', mainly because he didn't require any additional make-up or prosthetics. Incidentally, the play was slightly delayed owing to Rogers mislaying his dentures shortly before the start.

Don't worry about falling asleep, Jaz. The Poms will make sure it will be mostly over by Lunch anyway, so you can get your beauty rest.

[SredniVashtar]

I  think we should get Mark Wood on early. After all, I don't suppose this elderly lot have experienced Wood in the morning for several decades.