George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[The Professor]

 Tonight looks good

Encounters with Strange Creatures

Author, artist and researcher of the strange, Linda Godfrey will discuss her most recent work on true encounters with beast-men, upright canines, & unknown flying creatures, as well as mythical creatures that modern technology may soon be able to create by combining disparate species.



....but I'm confused, is Noory the host, or the topic?

[PB the Deplorable]

Tonight looks good

Encounters with Strange Creatures

....but I'm confused, is Noory the host, or the topic?

Speaking of which, Blue Oyster Cult apparently cut a new version of 'Godzilla' for this show...  (I know, more cowbell...)


Noorzilla

With his clueless comments and terrible sounds
He pulls the Coast high ratings down

Helpless people tune in at home
Scream bug-eyed as he blathers from his throne

He picks up a turd and he sets it back down
As he wades through the show toward meltdown

Oh no, we say he?s got to go
Go go Noorzilla, yeah
Oh no, there goes Coast-to-Coast
Go go Noorzilla, yeah

Rinji news o moshiagemasu!
Attention, emergency news!
Noorzilla is heading toward the PremRad offices!
Daishkyu hinan shite kudasai!
Immediately escape, catch up, find shelter please!

Oh no, we say he?s got to go
Go go Noorzilla, yeah
Oh no, there goes Coast-to-Coast
Go go Noorzilla, yeah

History shows again and again
How nature points up the folly of men
Noorzilla!

[HAL 9000]

Hey's thank's V, you are doing the lords work...if you can get them all into any halfway decent file format, I could suck up and parse out out the parodies automagically, and we could make a Noory-parody thread here and let them (mine and others, Super-N, StarBrite, Paper*Boy and others had some good ones....and Boss Hogg, John Titors Clock, and Mabuse had some classical rants and poetry as well...) be reborn there....

Well Prof, here's what I got - and it was time consuming, so if someone wants to "pick up the torch" feel free...

I found the END of the original archive that's publicly available - it is page 2543, which is May 27, 2009. I then started backwards, and after some time, decided I'd push through until the beginning of May, which was 93 pages later! There were only a few pages that were unavailable.

So, essentially I have 93 complete pages in their original format with all pics and links working, and I saved them in Multipurpose Internet Mail Extension HTML (mht) format. Each page is one file. I know you're a Mac guy, but my guess would be your native browser can still open mht files fine, but if not, you could always get Opera or Firefox for Mac and view them.

I compressed them in RAR format, which uses a generally better algorithm, and in this case, compressed all the files to one-half the size compared to ZIP. If you don't already have it built-in, I know there is freeware available for the Mac which can decompress RAR files - I gave a link to Sybil a long time ago.

You've given me an idea though - some files you can concatenate without corrupting the "reading" software - for example, you can simply concatenate mp3 files, and they will play normally, even though the original headers and extraneous information is still maintained from each individual mp3 file.

So I'll try a little experiment now, and concatenate a few of the mht files, and see if they're still readable - if that works, one would only need open one VERY LARGE file, but doing a search would be immensely easier.

Here's the link for the entire month of May, entitled TOGNST.05.2009. Click: HERE

[HAL 9000]

You've given me an idea though - some files you can concatenate without corrupting the "reading" software - for example, you can simply concatenate mp3 files, and they will play normally, even though the original headers and extraneous information is still maintained from each individual mp3 file.

So I'll try a little experiment now, and concatenate a few of the mht files, and see if they're still readable - if that works, one would only need open one VERY LARGE file, but doing a search would be immensely easier.

Tried concatenation - does not work - too bad - have to read each page individually. Also, that POS Firefox 3.51 will not open the files, so IE and Opera is all I have tested, and work fine. There may be others.

[The Professor]

Speaking of which, Blue Oyster Cult apparently cut a new version of 'Godzilla' for this show...  (I know, more cowbell...)


Noorzilla

With his clueless comments and terrible sounds
He pulls the Coast high ratings down

Helpless people tune in at home
Scream bug-eyed as he blathers from his throne

He picks up a turd and he sets it back down
As he wades through the show toward meltdown

Oh no, we say he?s got to go
Go go Noorzilla, yeah
Oh no, there goes Coast-to-Coast
Go go Noorzilla, yeah

well done, Paper*boy. The show is usually like
Noorzilla vs. King Dumb, but tonight I have a headache, so
its Noorzilla vs Motran

[The Professor]

Noory saved Bigfoot! He talked a sniper out of going out and hunting it....

....I think he was mainly worried that he might take out Tommy by mistake....

[The Professor]

a fun game you can play while listening to Noory is to look up the companies he shills
for, and see how many consumer complaints they have against them...most advertizers that use Noory as a shill are certain to be scams at some level...

[Supernormal]

I like tonight's guest, who sounds like a female Loren Coleman in that she's a believable, intelligent expert on cryptids with no axes to grind. This means that Noory's Law comes into play. The more you enjoy a show, the more likely he will be to ruin it with inane comments and questions.

George Voice: "Could the wolf be a teenager, in a gorilla suit, who was created in a government lab in another dimension?"

[Supernormal]

Noory saved Bigfoot! He talked a sniper out of going out and hunting it....

....I think he was mainly worried that he might take out Tommy by mistake....

That's so unlike him. He never broadcasts his good deeds for all the world to hear. 

[The Professor]

That's so unlike him. He never broadcasts his good deeds for all the world to hear.

I didn't hear the start of the show, but Drudge had TWO baby-chewed-by-rat stories, so I'm guessing this required Noory to go into a special format for the first hour, like a roundtable on rat-chewed babies....

[HighwayofDiamonds]

I just joined. I used to think GN wasn't so bad, but that's when i only caught a few words while falling asleep (i'm on the east coast). Now that i listen to the podcast, i'm appalled. The one with that wonderful science lady (marcia) put me over the top. Is he in the early stages of alzheimer's or something? And WHY does he have to talk about God???

[Mops]

Strange Man Loses No-Hitter, Wins League Title

In what was called the most annoying no-hitter in baseball history, right hander George Noory of the Detroit Splashies lost 46-0 to the Ann Arbor Sharks last night in the Naval Reserve League opener at Mushy Field.  Noory (0-1) didn?t retire a single batter while allowing 49 bases on balls before the game was called in the top of the first inning due to aggravation.

?I need to work on my mechanics,? admitted Noory.  ?My bread and butter pitch ? the roller ? didn?t work, and the hitters figured out the bouncer early on.  I tried changing speeds and mixing it up but they just wouldn't bite on it.?

The game, which spanned 4 hours and 27 minutes, was halted several times while umpires conferred with Noory.  Asked if he was looking for foreign substances on the ball, Umpire Crew Chief Art Scottsdale snapped, ?Ink Blot Test!?

Within ten minutes after the game, the managers of the other 12 teams in the Naval Reserve League announced they would forfeit their scheduled games to the Splashies, effectively handing the team the league title after only one game.                 

[valdez]

I just joined. I used to think GN wasn't so bad, but that's when i only caught a few words while falling asleep (i'm on the east coast). Now that i listen to the podcast, i'm appalled. The one with that wonderful science lady (marcia) put me over the top. Is he in the early stages of alzheimer's or something? And WHY does he have to talk about God???

Welcome to the asylum.  Alzheimer's?  No, I think he's just a low watt bulb who's dad owns the network and gave him the job to keep him from hurting himself.  The God stuff is fine as long as he slips it in appropriately, but that would require timing and tact.
     I couldn't focus on last nights Bipedal Canine Creatures  or whatever show with Linda Godfrey.  I just don't buy it.  Bring me the head of chupacabra and we'll talk.     

[PB the Deplorable]

Within ten minutes after the game, the managers of the other 12 teams in the Naval Reserve League announced they would forfeit their scheduled games to the Splashies, effectively handing the team the league title after only one game.               

Upon hearing the news of the forfeitures, Noory informed all who would listen that he had taken the game in a new direction, the wins showed that his efforts had paid off, and emphasized the team was higher in the standings than ever before...

The bat boy, an enormous misshapen man, concurred.

[KnyeGuy]

Is he in the early stages of alzheimer's or something?

If he is, then it would be a very LOOOOOONGGGGG early stage indeed...
Besides, he's on a health regimen that includes LOTS of Turmeric - I'm sure Alzheimer's is one of the infinite maladies covered by this miracle herb <insert sarcasm here>

[TheAntiGeorgie]

Upon hearing the news of the forfeitures, Noory informed all who would listen that he had taken the game in a new direction, the wins showed that his efforts had paid off, and the team was higher in the standings than ever before...

The bat boy, an enormous misshapen man, concurred.

[Mops]

If a would-be killer has such a bad memory they have to write down a target's name then...........

[Mops]

"Anger and the Origins of Evil."  That should have been a 15 second program.  Let's say George saw fire, tried to steal it, got burned and became angry at fire. 

[Marc.Knight]

Actually, this does look like "Hoaxland's Head".

[PB the Deplorable]

'Anger and the Origins of Evil.' 

I cannot even imagine how obnoxious Ian would be with that subject... he probably took that class at seminary school...

[TheAntiGeorgie]

Actually, this does look like "Hoaxland's Head".

[Marc.Knight]

Yes, he's in search of the holy grail: an ancient Martian or Lunar monument depicting his face for eternity.  The hyper-dimensional space beings must have constructed something to honor his lifetime achievements.  His monument should be next to ones built for George Noory and Alex Jones.

[Mops]

Did I hear right -- a woman just asked Ian about human heads being attached to the bodies of dead cattle?

I'll open the floor for punchlines........

[Supernormal]

Those freecreditreport.com commercials certainly are annoying, but are they really preparing us for the acceptance of the Mark of the Beast? That call made me LOL. I didn't know whether or not to take it as a prank. It sounds like Tim ("Obama is the Antichrist") has relatives who call the show.

[Supernormal]

Did I hear right -- a woman just asked Ian about human heads being attached to the bodies of dead cattle?

I'll open the floor for punchlines........

Word has it that Noory's head is attached to a horse's rear end.

George Voice: "How did they get Mr. Ed to talk?"

[Supernormal]

I didn't hear the start of the show, but Drudge had TWO baby-chewed-by-rat stories, so I'm guessing this required Noory to go into a special format for the first hour, like a roundtable on rat-chewed babies....

Pardon my late reply. While returning from my trip to the Egyptian pyramids and the Indian mounds, I decided to search for the lost continent of Atlantis and disappeared while travelling through the Bermuda Triangle. I used this excuse in school all the time. In any event, the Edgar Cayce readings indicated that Noory forgot to read the Drudge Report that night (nod to Greg Little).

[Marc.Knight]

Ian's show tonight is as boring as humanly possible.  Of course Noory is a Nooron, and not human, so he doesn't count in this context.

Tonight's show is the equivalent of Ian attempting to describe the exciting attributes of a sack of dirt.

[Supernormal]

Tonight's show is the equivalent of Ian attempting to describe the exciting attributes of a sack of dirt.

I recall the dirt show, which was almost as entertaining as the flotsam show. Maybe we'll be treated to a jetsam show one night if we're lucky. Not to be contrary, but I dig the Blavatsky stuff since I like shows on esoterica and history. Levenda's one of my favorite guests.

[PB the Deplorable]

Did I hear right -- a woman just asked Ian about human heads being attached to the bodies of dead cattle?

I'll open the floor for punchlines........

If the aliens were true pranksters, at least some of the heads would look like Linda...

[Mops]

Oh, great, now my daughter will want a Madame Blavatsky Beanie Baby.