George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[The Professor]

Tommy: "..and then Ill be passing
You the 3x5 cards with my left hand, ok?
Trust me, with my new system, there is no way you can screw up now."

[HAL 9000]

Having been in "Noorvana" (def: not listening to George, the One-Neuron Snoron) since December 20th, 2008, I can only imagine his imbecility...

However, recent events have piqued my interest in a little project, which will force me to listen to only the "news"/first few minutes of the show (remember, I'm sacrificing my own neurons in the interest of science), and will randomly pick out a week or two to go through and see if I can compile an entertaining, yet simultaneous revolting body of evidence, which, if my hypothesis proves correct, I will forward en masse to Premiere radio/Clear Chanel, local stations, etc.

In the meantime, we have one guess (and potential winner) of the COMPLETELY OFF-TOPIC MOVIE MUSIC CONTEST. I'm off to bed.

[Gumby, Dammit]

Just the legible ones.   The ones he can't make out probably tried to say how much they love him and the show.

'Hegh, Jorg, wi lev yu, an jor sow'

This dialog is amazing...er..did I say dialog?...wait!
SOMEDAY, I'm going to find out who has transcripts to these shows. OMG on paper they must be priceless! A court reporter who transcribes phonetically would be perfect.


Anyone noticed how the callers more and more lately start out saying "Hello George how are yooo?" How Pavlovian. So George now has slavering dog-people calling in, Ian has a guy on who claims he is a horse (yes IS, not maybe "was" or something) for three crappy hours of some of the most sickening radio that rivals even George. George Knapp is rare any more and Art seems like maybe he's been licking too many toads in the damn jungle. WTF??? Yessir folks, Coast just continues to get better and better!

[Gumby, Dammit]

Having been in "Noorvana" (def: not listening to George, the One-Neuron Snoron) since December 20th, 2008, I can only imagine his imbecility...

However, recent events have piqued my interest in a little project, which will force me to listen to only the "news"/first few minutes of the show (remember, I'm sacrificing my own neurons in the interest of science), and will randomly pick out a week or two to go through and see if I can compile an entertaining, yet simultaneous revolting body of evidence, which, if my hypothesis proves correct, I will forward en masse to Premiere radio/Clear Chanel, local stations, etc.

In the meantime, we have one guess (and potential winner) of the COMPLETELY OFF-TOPIC MOVIE MUSIC CONTEST. I'm off to bed.

I've been meaning to do some audio compiling myself. And believe me, I've done a whole lot of audio compiling in my life but with Noory...it's damn near impossible. Seriously. And you are correct about "sacrificing neurons". Seriously.

[Gumby, Dammit]

Tommy: "..and then Ill be passing
You the 3x5 cards with my left hand, ok?
Trust me, with my new system, there is no way you can screw up now."

This is a good one.

Dammit, the possibilities ARE endless. What we gonna do?

[Gumby, Dammit]

George: "Well here's another fine mess I've gotten yourself into"

Tommy: "Can you still feel my hand back there?"

George: "Shut up. This is how my good friends Dean and Jerry started out"

Tommy: "Can you touch me with your claw again please"


George: "Tommy, when is our next bathroom break?"

George: "Tommy, it's your turn to work the fly"

Tommy: "George, leave the buttons to me next time."

Tommy: "George, I think you may be a little too dependent on me lately"


Tommy: "I didn't think you sucked THAT bad, daddy!"

George: "Tommy, are you a demon?"


Tommy: "..and then Ill be passing
You the 3x5 cards with my left hand, ok?
Trust me, with my new system, there is no way you can screw up now."

[Sybil]

[quote: PW on Yesterday at 05:04:33 PM]

I'd love to see someone photoshop a picture of George as a clown.
[/quote]

We don't have to photoshop that! Here's a picture of George at his day job.

[Gumby, Dammit]

Such a handsome turd.

[Sybil]

i changed it.  what do u guys think about it now?

What did we change? Our undies?

[Gumby, Dammit]

holy shit, isn't this the truth.

So amazing. Ed's shtick has gotten so old now. What crap. Right before we all got banned over at Doglikeproductions, ads started showing up for "Ed Dames, Prophecies" - - - MIND BOGGLING.

[Gumby, Dammit]

What did we change? Our undies?

Maybe..but there's a caller on right now that had to change his undies...George is letting this fool drivel on about his demon attack and how he "commanded it in the name of jeebus" blahblahfucking blah...Fucking George has flushed this show forever.

[Sybil]

Yo yo I know I know humor izdat respek, my Home Skillet. It cool bad cool wicked! 

The grease is poppin'!

DOOD's live "Skillet"(The Time).1996.feat Bar-Kays & Zombies

[Sybil]

Hey Sybil, do you still find those glass er, balls?  We used to get them on the beach here in Oregon all the time.  I haven't seen any for quite a while. 

I'm almost positive we don't have any nude beaches though.  Gay or straight.

Not too much anymore because I live in Alaska. I'm by the shore, but not too many glass balls make it in. I collect agates on the beach instead. And coal, to stay warm.

And about those nude beaches, i'm pretty sure we don't have any of those either, LOL!!!

[Sybil]

Hey there! George Noory is using Twitter.
Now you can get up to the minute updates directly from George Noory!

Highlights from George Noory's Twitter feed!

Vistited the new C2C web site. Great job Lex!
about 20 hours ago from twitterfeed

Bill Mummy called and had to cancled for lunch again : ( 
about 20 hours ago from twitterfeed

Just got my Member's Only Jacket from the dry cleaners. Looks like they were able to get the stains out.
about 20 hours ago from twitterfeed

No word from Sci-Fi today on when there planning to renew the show.  Had to leave word with the secretary. Again.
about 20 hours ago from twitterfeed

Tommy said it looks like Sci-Fi is having problems with there're web site. There hasn't been any new post about my show in weaks!
about 20 hours ago from twitterfeed

Mail came.  Looks like UFO Phil sent me a new CD. I'll give it a listen on the way to the station.
about 21 hours ago from twitterfeed

Just got the latest Arbitron ratings, C2C is still number one on KSFO-AM!
about 21 hours ago from twitterfeed

Hello to everyone at the night hawker zOne!
about 21 hours ago from twitterfeed

Darn, I just hit my head on the microphone again.
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

I need to talk to Charlie about studio safety at our monthly contract negotiation. I'm gonna insist on a helmets for all staff members.
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Drudge just posted three childern mutilation stories tonight. Jackpot!
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Show about to go live.  Tommy just brought in some new 3x5 index cards. I asked him to make sure these cards have blunt edges.
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Just called Children's International during the brake to complain abot Maritza not making her monthly payment.  They said they'd look into it and get back to me   
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Sent a email to Willy Birnes to check and sea how my next book is coming along.  He said it should be ready in a few more months.
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Where's Tommy?
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Childrrens International just calld bak and they said Maritza skipped out of country.  Looks like I'm gonna be short $22 bucks this month. That's gratitude for you.
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Looked at the clock and it was 11:11!
about 22 hours ago from twitterfeed

Great show for tonight.  Goning have Tommy cue up some classic C2C for the last hour.
about 23 hours ago from twitterfeed

Show prep for next week. Gonna study up for upcoming guste Michio Kaku by watching all of Twilight Zone season 3 on DVD.
about 24 hours ago from twitterfeed

Tommy jsut phoned me and said there was a bird in his house. I asked him if he thought it waz an angel. lol!
about 24 hours ago from twitterfeed

F1!  This is SO classic!   F3! LOL!!!!

[Sybil]

George just now: "We shill be right back, and if you want to email me it's..."

Oh brother...

George Noory: To shill or not to shill...there is no question.

[Sybil]

George usually responds to negative emails with one word,  "Typical", not realizing that he's basically saying that his typical emails are negative. The Dope.

On a different note, I've noticed lately  that George has had his mic volume turned up in relation to the guest. This greatly magnifies the annoyance of his interrupting constantly...like a little while ago when the guest was on an interesting story about a Tarot reading and out of fucking nowhere it's:

LOUD GEORGE VOICE: "The Death card, uh-uh-uh, the skeleton, does thayat meen your going to die?" (paraphrased)

Stupid shithead.

GAG!


And these callers! OMG!!!

That dumb ass!!! I hate that. Doesn't he know by now it's usually a new beginning? Doesn't he ever listen?! Stupid shit! I bet he was crap in school. It would be fun to see some of his report cards.LOL!!!

[Sybil]

George: "Tommy , why do I have a condom on my head?"

Tommy: "To protect it from your ass, George."

[Sybil]

Maybe..but there's a caller on right now that had to change his undies...George is letting this fool drivel on about his demon attack and how he "commanded it in the name of jeebus" blahblahfucking blah...Fucking George has flushed this show forever.

[Mops]

The reviews of Concussions from the Light, the follow-up to the George Noory classic, Worker In The Light, continue to pour in:   

Vic in Chicago raves:  ?George Noory is the kind of man who would give you the peas off his plate.?

?It read almost like a book.? ? Shel Silverstein 

?If only George had been around back then we would have known about the dangers of vaccines.? ? Jonas Salk 

From Peaches in Las Vegas:  ?I used to put LSD in people?s gas tanks but it didn?t do anything.?

?I thought, ?My God, what a coincidence! My name is George too!? ? ? Chad in Idaho

?I love it, I hate it, it makes me giggle, it makes me angry, I feel moist inside, I detest the way it smells, don?t end, pervert, cad, it?s too short, stop, yes, no, yes, no, yes.? ? The Trollette

Mr. Predictator speaks out:  ?George Noory?s book sucks, but you better not tell anyone.?
?An evolutionary genre.  The stories from George?s listeners are composed with letters cut from newspapers and magazines.? ?  Theodore Kaczynski

?It?s not ?Mr. Smith Goes To Hell,? but the recipes are good.? ? Charles Manson

?We enjoyed it so much we bought a million copies.? ? Exxon

[MABUSE]

Klatu! Barratus! Nikkto!

My first reaction.

And your second?

[Sophie]

Aren't they cute, all dressed up for the celebration of the lightworkers kickoff.  I can just feel the wisdom right thru the my monitor.

[MABUSE]

WOW you found it!  I had forgotten ALL about that until this moment!
Gawd Bless ya my dear!

**M**

[MABUSE]

The reviews of Concussions from the Light, the follow-up to the George Noory classic, Worker In The Light, continue to pour in:   

Vic in Chicago raves:  ?George Noory is the kind of man who would give you the peas off his plate.?

?It read almost like a book.? ? Shel Silverstein 

?If only George had been around back then we would have known about the dangers of vaccines.? ? Jonas Salk 

From Peaches in Las Vegas:  ?I used to put LSD in people?s gas tanks but it didn?t do anything.?

?I thought, ?My God, what a coincidence! My name is George too!? ? ? Chad in Idaho

?I love it, I hate it, it makes me giggle, it makes me angry, I feel moist inside, I detest the way it smells, don?t end, pervert, cad, it?s too short, stop, yes, no, yes, no, yes.? ? The Trollette

Mr. Predictator speaks out:  ?George Noory?s book sucks, but you better not tell anyone.?
?An evolutionary genre.  The stories from George?s listeners are composed with letters cut from newspapers and magazines.? ?  Theodore Kaczynski

?It?s not ?Mr. Smith Goes To Hell,? but the recipes are good.? ? Charles Manson

?We enjoyed it so much we bought a million copies.? ? Exxon

THAT hurt!  BRAVO!!!!!!

**M**

[Marc.Knight]

The more I listen to George, the more I am convinced that he does not believe in anything he talks about.  It is simply a good paying gig that fell into his lap.  As long as enough night owls tune in every day, he's all set.  At least Art put on a good 'show' even if he doubted what was being presented.

[Marc.Knight]

Not too much anymore because I live in Alaska. I'm by the shore, but not too many glass balls make it in. I collect agates on the beach instead. And coal, to stay warm.

And about those nude beaches, i'm pretty sure we don't have any of those either, LOL!!!

This is Sybil's version of fun at the beach in Alaska.  Mine too.

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[11angeleyes11]

quote author=Sybil link=topic=1436.msg17252#msg17252 date=1245923993]


George: "Tommy , why do I have a condom on my head?"

Tommy: "To protect it from your ass, George."
[/quote]


To continue:

George:  But, Tommy I am an ass.

Tommy:  I know, that is why we must protect you from all ends.  It was specially designed taking all of that into account.  We want you to "BE SAFE."

George:  Tommy.  . .I love leather so much more.  We can both wear it just like we did in Austin.

Tommy:  But this is speical, this outfit was designed for your new book signings.  It will be used when you. . f**k the people who purchase it.

[Gumby, Dammit]

The reviews of Concussions from the Light, the follow-up to the George Noory classic, Worker In The Light, continue to pour in:   

Vic in Chicago raves:  ?George Noory is the kind of man who would give you the peas off his plate.?

?It read almost like a book.? ? Shel Silverstein 

?If only George had been around back then we would have known about the dangers of vaccines.? ? Jonas Salk 

From Peaches in Las Vegas:  ?I used to put LSD in people?s gas tanks but it didn?t do anything.?

?I thought, ?My God, what a coincidence! My name is George too!? ? ? Chad in Idaho

?I love it, I hate it, it makes me giggle, it makes me angry, I feel moist inside, I detest the way it smells, don?t end, pervert, cad, it?s too short, stop, yes, no, yes, no, yes.? ? The Trollette

Mr. Predictator speaks out:  ?George Noory?s book sucks, but you better not tell anyone.?
?An evolutionary genre.  The stories from George?s listeners are composed with letters cut from newspapers and magazines.? ?  Theodore Kaczynski

?It?s not ?Mr. Smith Goes To Hell,? but the recipes are good.? ? Charles Manson

?We enjoyed it so much we bought a million copies.? ? Exxon

Excellent!

Especially:

?I love it, I hate it, it makes me giggle, it makes me angry, I feel moist inside, I detest the way it smells, don?t end, pervert, cad, it?s too short, stop, yes, no, yes, no, yes.? ? The Trollette

Nicely put!


So Mops,  Good to see ya! Howarr Yoooo???

[Gumby, Dammit]

And your second?

Well, since that was Gort's stand-down command used only in circumstances involving confused d?butantes, my second reaction would be to watch in giddy amusement as my trusty robotoid colleague roasted then served-up barbecued troll.

[Gumby, Dammit]

George: "Tommy , why do I have a condom on my head?"

Tommy: "To protect it from your ass, George."

Yeah. What are those things?  Jockstraps for sumo wrestlers?
Of course!
They're wearing them because  such items are saturated with
the odoriferous waftings of man-juice they are both most fond
of. And dig the little crocheted nut-warmers dangling on the ends!

George: "Heaven. I'm in Heaven!"

Tommy: "Duhhh...How do I work this sack-warmer boss?"

[Gumby, Dammit]

The more I listen to George, the more I am convinced that he does not believe in anything he talks about.  It is simply a good paying gig that fell into his lap.  As long as enough night owls tune in every day, he's all set.  At least Art put on a good 'show' even if he doubted what was being presented.

Same here. He's not listening to a word his guests are saying. Ever. He's a horrific train wreck of a host. A true sociopath. No, make that Psychopath because he has gone down a notch for all the dead and tortured children stories and doom and destruction he has mercilessly crammed into people's minds. George SUCKS. Burn in HELL, George.