The General Musings of Falkie2013 (George Senda, The Guy From Pittsburgh)

[Gumby, Dammit]

Falkie, what brand of mayo do you like??

He has enough jars of that shit to open his own mayo clinic.

[Inglorious Bitch]

My wife won't be taking over my account, at least not any time soon. 

Wouldn't it be awesome if she did? (hint, hint) 

[Inglorious Bitch]

He has enough jars of that shit to open his own mayo clinic.

Bwah!!

[area51drone]

George has released a ton of new videos, these two being my favorites...  in the first, he rails on bellgab for complaining about him buying stuff on HIS credit account!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q5lTgY7S0o

and in this one, he talks about how STUPID PEOPLE SHOULD NOT USE THE INTERNET:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbHQMPA96l8

[Gumby, Dammit]

Bwah!!

He tried Jorch's shoe-polish and it just didn't work out.

[Open Lines Gerry]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q5lTgY7S0o

George Senda - the Official Spokesman for Velcro!

[ADG12311990]

George Senda - the Official Spokesman for Mayonnaise!

Fixed that for you.

[PB the Deplorable]

... STUPID PEOPLE SHOULD NOT USE THE INTERNET...

Can't argue with that.  They shouldn't really leave their apartments, use the phone, any of it.

[akwilly]

https://youtu.be/w2WWnuYBIDs
Hey Falkie you do realize that if the spread reads Seattle -13.5 then Seattle is the FAVORITE! Holy cow man you really don't know how to read the lines? Falkie everything you said in regards to this weeks NFL lines was exactly WRONG!

[Who]

Did you know the United States Air Force offered to send Senda to Officer's Candidate School?  It's true.  But out of respect for his mother, he declined.  Before her death, however, she told him she would have had no problem with him joining the USAF and attending OCS. 

"I wish I had enlisted and have regretted it ever since," Senda recalled.  "Members of MY family served in the US, German, Austrian, Prussian and Japanese Armies going back 800 years."

Tell us more, Senda.  We know you had training as a stage actor.  We know that you were offered a job by Bill Gates.  We know you introduced James Doohan to his future wife and painted ships.  But you've never told us the story about how the USAF offered to send you to Officer's Candidate School.

[Rally Squirrel]

https://youtu.be/w2WWnuYBIDs
Hey Falkie you do realize that if the spread reads Seattle -13.5 then Seattle is the FAVORITE! Holy cow man you really don't know how to read the lines? Falkie everything you said in regards to this weeks NFL lines was exactly WRONG!

Also, when the actual score was way off from the spread he said the bookers did not know how to predict a score.

Falkie, the spread is totally determined by the betters. The house adjusts it as the week goes in order to get close to 50% bet on each side, that is when they make the most money.

[Yorkshire pud]

Also, when the actual score was way off from the spread he said the bookers did not know how to predict a score.

Falkie, the spread is totally determined by the betters. The house adjusts it as the week goes in order to get close to 50% bet on each side, that is when they make the most money.

Tell me it dosen't come as a surprise that he knows jack shit about betting; just as he does about anything esle?

[akwilly]

Tell me it dosen't come as a surprise that he knows jack shit about betting; just as he does about anything esle?

It comes as a complete surprise to me. Falkie has picked allot of winners in the past, but ya it wasn't against the spread. So I guess I'm sorta hurt that he doesn't grasp the concept of a spread. I think the world of the big guy but now I might have to reassess my full devotion to the man.

[3OctaveFart]

He also said Seattle has plural championships.

George needs an editor from time to time. Maybe Kathy would be good for the job. Not.

[SredniVashtar]

It comes as a complete surprise to me. Falkie has picked allot of winners in the past, but ya it wasn't against the spread. So I guess I'm sorta hurt that he doesn't grasp the concept of a spread. I think the world of the big guy but now I might have to reassess my full devotion to the man.

He certainly doesn't grasp the concept of middle (or old, in his case) age spread, and thinks he can shovel what he likes through his pie hole and still slide gracefully into those 58 inch clown pants of his. I'm pretty sure he has only just mastered how to open a door, so don't expect miracles from him like the ability to comprehend simple arithmetic.

[Who]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q5lTgY7S0o

Senda's Excellent Economics Lesson For the Cynics and Haters at Bellgab

“They’re sayin’ I’m spending cash.  No I’m not.  I’m buyin’ this stuff on credit and makin’ monthly payments. So uh, you know. That’s how I afford all this stuff.   I just pay ‘em 20 bucks, 25 bucks  a month, whatever the hell it is.  And I pay off the account.  In the meantime I have the use of their money and I got stuff I need.”

Sorry to disappoint you Senda but there's a fatal flaw in your logic.  That flaw is called compound interest. While you "have the use of their money," the credit card company or bank is charging you an obscene amount of interest.  You see, sir, no matter how much you protest, you are considered a lousy credit risk.  The bank knows your SSI income is a pittance and the risk of default is extremely high. And they know they can't sue you if you default because you have no assets.  So the only credit card offers you're going to receive are those designed for high risk borrowers.  You're probably paying 36 percent interest on your credit card.  You're probably paying membership and other astronomical fees as well.  The interest and fees are compounding while you're making your minimum $20 or $25 monthly payments, putting you deeper and deeper in debt.

You're a fool Senda.  This, in addition to your irresponsibility and laziness, is why you have absolutely nothing to show for 64 years of life on this planet.

[SredniVashtar]

You're a fool Senda.  This, in addition to your irresponsibility and laziness, is why you have absolutely nothing to show for 64 years of life on this planet.

I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't really smarter than all of us. He is buying all this stuff on tick, knowing he will be making payments on this junk until he is 85, while calculating that he can probably only live another couple of years before he flops out on the couch for good. Game, Set and Match Senda!

Then the haters can come in and sell off his collectibles and plunder his corpse for anything saleable, the same way he did with his mother - it's a proud Senda family tradition. Just think of all those priceless Noory masterpieces he can make millions off, plus his brain - hardly used!

[SredniVashtar]

Part Two:

In which Falkie, now insane with bitterness and jealousy over Art's producer [Redacted], contemplates dabbling in The Dark Arts to try and smoke her ass. He tried this once before, when he cast a spell and ended up with a foul-smelling cave troll that scattered TV dinner trays all over his hovel. We rejoin him as he muses on Life, and the way he has been kept down by "The Haters"

Falkie's Diary (cont.)

It suddenly all became clear - she's put a hex on me! I spent countless seconds carefully preparing my earthquake report from Towelheadistan. Screw all those BASTARDS  who said I was too lazy to get out of bed and that the camera was at an angle the whole time. Do I have to explain everything to these idiots? I am an auteur, and the angle was my way of showing the listener what those camel jockeys were seeing now that their igloos are all fucked up. I should have won a Golden Globe for that, but she stiffed me! And I should have got that gig with Art Bell too, but a certain smooth-voiced harlot went and queered my pitch. Alright, the interview didn't go quite as well as I had hoped - I might have drooled a bit more than usual, and I should probably have brought my monthly ass-scrubbing forward by a couple of days - but who has the "Conspiracy Expert" t-shirt, huh? Not that bitch!

I go to the library to see if I can steal borrow some books on how to put a curse on someone. I take The Sow, as I fondly call her, with me. I find the library full of fucking layabouts screwing around, pretending to be busy and taking up all the chairs. One of my proudest accomplishments is that I am now able to get Sweet Kathy to fart on command. I give her the signal for "Halabja" and she cuts a ripe one that sends them all screaming to the exit while I calmly put on my gas mask and slide a copy of "Black Magic for Dummies" down my trouser leg. I also pilfer a fresh copy of George Noory's latest masterpiece "The Dead Baby Cookbook". I'm not gay but I'd love to cum in his toupee and the pages tend to get a bit crusty after a while. I am still waiting to hear about this pilot they are shopping around the TV networks. I think they are hoping to take it to the Indian markets because I heard his producer Toby Dumboyster mention a place called Utter Bollocks, which I believe is a province in the Punjab. 

Back home again. I just have time to flip through some of the spells while I am waiting for the food from The Spic Shack, or The Beanery - or whatever its lousy name is - to warm up on the window sill. I had to scrape some of the refried beans off the sidewalk because one of the stupid wetbacks I was choking it out of dropped the bag on the floor. Still, I don't suppose Sweet Kathy will mind eating that. And she'll be eating a lot worse later on if things go to plan...If you get my drift. Dear diary, I am winking at you lasciviously right now, but with my stroke eye it's difficult to tell the difference, so just use your imagination. I decide to try a quick incantation before dinner a deux at Casa Senda. Nothing fancy, just a simple "tits dropping off spell" for starters should do it. I wrap the Terrible Towel around me and start to mutter mystic runes. I am aware of a smell like the pit of hell rising up in my hovel, before remembering that Sweet Kathy had been eating broccoli cheese last night. 

Time for din-dins. I do love to see a woman eat. Sweet Kathy might not be much to look at these days - and it is always a good idea to keep the windows open whenever she is in the vicinity - but she can certainly get through her food; the sound of her musical golloping nearly drowning out my copy of George Noory Sings Gregorian Plain Chant. This takes me back to our early days when we were both young and foolish. I remember when she could suck down a whole bottle of tabasco - the large economy size - without gasping for air and puking her guts up. How can you help loving a woman who can do that? The disgusting old cow! I remember the golden days of our early life together: our first Thanksgiving she got through three turkeys, four pumpkin pies, and when she staggered off to bed she still stashed a packet of sandwiches In her snatch in case she got peckish during the night. They don't make women like that any more. I thought I could detect  a maidenly blush on her cheek while she was pushing  quesadillas through her face, but it's difficult to tell  - her two fisted eating technique does require a lot of effort and concentration, and the redness could possibly be chili sauce. It has been a long time since I have been able to take her to a restaurant, as she tends to go a bit berserk. I remember spending an anxious few hours in the ER with her once because she got carried away in TGI Fridays and swallowed the table cloth.

Anyway, after three solid hours of eating (she had to dive out of the window and grab next-door's Golden Labrador because she was still hungry) I decide it's time to slip her the sausage. I grab my luscious beauty by the hair and stick my tongue down her throat...

(To be continued)

Anyway contemplating reading the next episode would be advised to wear loose trousers.

[Open Lines Gerry]

http://youtu.be/u4Ip_UIcfUI

George discusses the inclement weather that is coming his way for Thanksgiving.

Near the end, he references his NFL picks for next weekend.  When he says Ol' Gerry has a favorite running back, he was actually referring to Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman.  For reference, if you're not a fan of the NFL, Sherman is known as a boisterous trash talker who backs it up with elite-level play.  He rose to national prominence after a live post-game tirade against 49ers receiver Michael Crabtree following the NFC title game two years ago.  I have encouraged George to go after him in a video, and will tweet it to Sherman and the Seahawks if George goes off on him.

[Yorkshire pud]

Richard Sherman.  For reference, if you're not a fan of the NFL, Sherman is known as a boisterous trash talker who backs it up with elite-level play.  He rose to national prominence after a live post-game tirade against 49ers receiver Michael Crabtree following the NFC title game two years ago.

Is he the bloke who refuses to do press conferences and compromised by saying "I'm here because I have honour my obligations" but nothing else?

[HorrorRetro]

Is he the bloke who refuses to do press conferences and compromised by saying "I'm here because I have honour my obligations" but nothing else?

No, that's running back Marshawn Lynch. His season is in question right now due to possible abdominal hernia issues. Proud Seahawks fan living the life in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. 

[PB the Deplorable]

No, that's running back Marshawn Lynch. His season is in question right now due to possible abdominal hernia issues. Proud Seahawks fan living the life in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. 

I can't believe that undrafted rookie - out of that Running Back Factory, Central Michigan (Mid-American Conference) - ran for over 200 yards against the SF defense as Marshawns's backup last week.  Central Michigan?  Really?

What I'm not surprised about is that Falkie doesn't know how the point spreads work.  Only because so many people don't understand it that it no longer has the ability to surprise me anymore.

[Open Lines Gerry]

Near the end, he references his NFL picks for next weekend.  When he says Ol' Gerry has a favorite running back, he was actually referring to Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman. ... I have encouraged George to go after him in a video, and will tweet it to Sherman and the Seahawks if George goes off on him.

I just sent George a list of pointers for when he records his video, such as only addressing this one topic (i.e. not throwing in stuff about BellGab, Kathy, etc.), and keeping it relatively short as our target audience will not watch a long video.

After he posts it, I will send it to Sherman, the Seahawks, the NFL, ESPN, possibly other players (Antonio Brown of the Steelers), and the local media in Seattle and Pittsburgh.  If the right person or people see it, this could be a big break for George.

Ol' Gerry will get a big kick out of it if I can get him shown on something like KOMO 4 (Seattle) News's "Play of the Night."  I'm sure 710 ESPN radio could have some fun with the audio, too.  Come on, George - let's knock it out of the park with this one!

[coaster]

A review of a cart liner. It's designed to make him money. A review. Of a fucking cart liner. Thats sure to go viral. Even after all these years he doesn't understand what people want to see.

[Open Lines Gerry]

What you didn't spell out is that the Steelers play Seattle this upcoming week.  Falkie needs to get this done NOW

Oh, he knows - he's been flooding my e-mail inbox with Steelers garbage since yesterday!  I'll let him hear about it after the Legion of Boom picks off Big Ben three times this Sunday.

[3OctaveFart]

I think Senda's BellGab-related videos traffic better than when he plays Charles Kuralt.

[HorrorRetro]

I can't believe that undrafted rookie - out of that Running Back Factory, Central Michigan (Mid-American Conference) - ran for over 200 yards against the SF defense as Marshawns's backup last week.  Central Michigan?  Really?

Yep, Rawls performed great on Sunday.

[bateman]

Part Two:

In which Falkie, now insane with bitterness and jealousy over Art's producer [Redacted], contemplates dabbling in The Dark Arts to try and smoke her ass. He tried this once before, when he cast a spell and ended up with a foul-smelling cave troll that scattered TV dinner trays all over his hovel. We rejoin him as he muses on Life, and the way he has been kept down by "The Haters"

Falkie's Diary (cont.)

It suddenly all became clear - she's put a hex on me! I spent countless seconds carefully preparing my earthquake report from Towelheadistan. Screw all those BASTARDS  who said I was too lazy to get out of bed and that the camera was at an angle the whole time. Do I have to explain everything to these idiots? I am an auteur, and the angle was my way of showing the listener what those camel jockeys were seeing now that their igloos are all fucked up. I should have won a Golden Globe for that, but she stiffed me! And I should have got that gig with Art Bell too, but a certain smooth-voiced harlot went and queered my pitch. Alright, the interview didn't go quite as well as I had hoped - I might have drooled a bit more than usual, and I should probably have brought my monthly ass-scrubbing forward by a couple of days - but who has the "Conspiracy Expert" t-shirt, huh? Not that bitch!

I go to the library to see if I can steal borrow some books on how to put a curse on someone. I take The Sow, as I fondly call her, with me. I find the library full of fucking layabouts screwing around, pretending to be busy and taking up all the chairs. One of my proudest accomplishments is that I am now able to get Sweet Kathy to fart on command. I give her the signal for "Halabja" and she cuts a ripe one that sends them all screaming to the exit while I calmly put on my gas mask and slide a copy of "Black Magic for Dummies" down my trouser leg. I also pilfer a fresh copy of George Noory's latest masterpiece "The Dead Baby Cookbook". I'm not gay but I'd love to cum in his toupee and the pages tend to get a bit crusty after a while. I am still waiting to hear about this pilot they are shopping around the TV networks. I think they are hoping to take it to the Indian markets because I heard his producer Toby Dumboyster mention a place called Utter Bollocks, which I believe is a province in the Punjab. 

Back home again. I just have time to flip through some of the spells while I am waiting for the food from The Spic Shack, or The Beanery - or whatever its lousy name is - to warm up on the window sill. I had to scrape some of the refried beans off the sidewalk because one of the stupid wetbacks I was choking it out of dropped the bag on the floor. Still, I don't suppose Sweet Kathy will mind eating that. And she'll be eating a lot worse later on if things go to plan...If you get my drift. Dear diary, I am winking at you lasciviously right now, but with my stroke eye it's difficult to tell the difference, so just use your imagination. I decide to try a quick incantation before dinner a deux at Casa Senda. Nothing fancy, just a simple "tits dropping off spell" for starters should do it. I wrap the Terrible Towel around me and start to mutter mystic runes. I am aware of a smell like the pit of hell rising up in my hovel, before remembering that Sweet Kathy had been eating broccoli cheese last night. 

Time for din-dins. I do love to see a woman eat. Sweet Kathy might not be much to look at these days - and it is always a good idea to keep the windows open whenever she is in the vicinity - but she can certainly get through her food; the sound of her musical golloping nearly drowning out my copy of George Noory Sings Gregorian Plain Chant. This takes me back to our early days when we were both young and foolish. I remember when she could suck down a whole bottle of tabasco - the large economy size - without gasping for air and puking her guts up. How can you help loving a woman who can do that? The disgusting old cow! I remember the golden days of our early life together: our first Thanksgiving she got through three turkeys, four pumpkin pies, and when she staggered off to bed she still stashed a packet of sandwiches In her snatch in case she got peckish during the night. They don't make women like that any more. I thought I could detect  a maidenly blush on her cheek while she was pushing  quesadillas through her face, but it's difficult to tell  - her two fisted eating technique does require a lot of effort and concentration, and the redness could possibly be chili sauce. It has been a long time since I have been able to take her to a restaurant, as she tends to go a bit berserk. I remember spending an anxious few hours in the ER with her once because she got carried away in TGI Fridays and swallowed the table cloth.

Anyway, after three solid hours of eating (she had to dive out of the window and grab next-door's Golden Labrador because she was still hungry) I decide it's time to slip her the sausage. I grab my luscious beauty by the hair and stick my tongue down her throat...

(To be continued)

Anyway contemplating reading the next episode would be advised to wear loose trousers.

Tears streaming down my face at the TGI Fridays part. A+++ work.

[chefist]

Part Two:

In which Falkie, now insane with bitterness and jealousy over Art's producer [Redacted], contemplates dabbling in The Dark Arts to try and smoke her ass. He tried this once before, when he cast a spell and ended up with a foul-smelling cave troll that scattered TV dinner trays all over his hovel. We rejoin him as he muses on Life, and the way he has been kept down by "The Haters"

Falkie's Diary (cont.)

It suddenly all became clear - she's put a hex on me! I spent countless seconds carefully preparing my earthquake report from Towelheadistan. Screw all those BASTARDS  who said I was too lazy to get out of bed and that the camera was at an angle the whole time. Do I have to explain everything to these idiots? I am an auteur, and the angle was my way of showing the listener what those camel jockeys were seeing now that their igloos are all fucked up. I should have won a Golden Globe for that, but she stiffed me! And I should have got that gig with Art Bell too, but a certain smooth-voiced harlot went and queered my pitch. Alright, the interview didn't go quite as well as I had hoped - I might have drooled a bit more than usual, and I should probably have brought my monthly ass-scrubbing forward by a couple of days - but who has the "Conspiracy Expert" t-shirt, huh? Not that bitch!

I go to the library to see if I can steal borrow some books on how to put a curse on someone. I take The Sow, as I fondly call her, with me. I find the library full of fucking layabouts screwing around, pretending to be busy and taking up all the chairs. One of my proudest accomplishments is that I am now able to get Sweet Kathy to fart on command. I give her the signal for "Halabja" and she cuts a ripe one that sends them all screaming to the exit while I calmly put on my gas mask and slide a copy of "Black Magic for Dummies" down my trouser leg. I also pilfer a fresh copy of George Noory's latest masterpiece "The Dead Baby Cookbook". I'm not gay but I'd love to cum in his toupee and the pages tend to get a bit crusty after a while. I am still waiting to hear about this pilot they are shopping around the TV networks. I think they are hoping to take it to the Indian markets because I heard his producer Toby Dumboyster mention a place called Utter Bollocks, which I believe is a province in the Punjab. 

Back home again. I just have time to flip through some of the spells while I am waiting for the food from The Spic Shack, or The Beanery - or whatever its lousy name is - to warm up on the window sill. I had to scrape some of the refried beans off the sidewalk because one of the stupid wetbacks I was choking it out of dropped the bag on the floor. Still, I don't suppose Sweet Kathy will mind eating that. And she'll be eating a lot worse later on if things go to plan...If you get my drift. Dear diary, I am winking at you lasciviously right now, but with my stroke eye it's difficult to tell the difference, so just use your imagination. I decide to try a quick incantation before dinner a deux at Casa Senda. Nothing fancy, just a simple "tits dropping off spell" for starters should do it. I wrap the Terrible Towel around me and start to mutter mystic runes. I am aware of a smell like the pit of hell rising up in my hovel, before remembering that Sweet Kathy had been eating broccoli cheese last night. 

Time for din-dins. I do love to see a woman eat. Sweet Kathy might not be much to look at these days - and it is always a good idea to keep the windows open whenever she is in the vicinity - but she can certainly get through her food; the sound of her musical golloping nearly drowning out my copy of George Noory Sings Gregorian Plain Chant. This takes me back to our early days when we were both young and foolish. I remember when she could suck down a whole bottle of tabasco - the large economy size - without gasping for air and puking her guts up. How can you help loving a woman who can do that? The disgusting old cow! I remember the golden days of our early life together: our first Thanksgiving she got through three turkeys, four pumpkin pies, and when she staggered off to bed she still stashed a packet of sandwiches In her snatch in case she got peckish during the night. They don't make women like that any more. I thought I could detect  a maidenly blush on her cheek while she was pushing  quesadillas through her face, but it's difficult to tell  - her two fisted eating technique does require a lot of effort and concentration, and the redness could possibly be chili sauce. It has been a long time since I have been able to take her to a restaurant, as she tends to go a bit berserk. I remember spending an anxious few hours in the ER with her once because she got carried away in TGI Fridays and swallowed the table cloth.

Anyway, after three solid hours of eating (she had to dive out of the window and grab next-door's Golden Labrador because she was still hungry) I decide it's time to slip her the sausage. I grab my luscious beauty by the hair and stick my tongue down her throat...

(To be continued)

Anyway contemplating reading the next episode would be advised to wear loose trousers.

Looks interesting... I'll read after my daughter finishes ballet...this is in no way subsidized by the UK government right? I'm impressed by the size! For an Englishman...

[akwilly]

Tears streaming down my face at the TGI Fridays part. A+++ work.

The Falkie diary is awesome!