George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[Major Ed Damien]

Coast to Coast Insiders Myron and Wilma Bumbledorf will be George Noory's in-studio guests this week on Beyond Belief.  Myron and Wilma's names were selected in a random drawing to win an all-expenses paid trip to the George Noory Theater in Denver.  In addition to George Noory, they will have a chance to meet Alex Jones, Richard C. Hoagland and the late Evelyn Paglini.

The eyes in that cat on the right are begging to be put to sleep.

[Beelzebubbelah]

"I also want to lend support to LMH. A consummate professional . . . "



A "consummate professional" what?  You didn't finish your thought there.  Maybe I can help.

A "consummate professional laughing-stock?"

A "consummate professional distorter of the truth, particularly concerning anything that involves crops and cattle?"

A "consummate professional at not consummating the sex act with George Noory because sex with profound no-wits is only mildly pleasurable while stranded on deserted islands or before you have to eat them in crashed airplanes atop the Andes?"  I think I found the one you wanted.



"Yes, she could add to her Beauty Queen crown as Miss Gullibility and, yes, cow mutilations are funny . . . "



"Funny?"  Good god, man.  Why on earth-files would you backpedal your rickety unicycle like that on her behalf?  Did she recently visit a weird symbol in your backyard that turned out to be the stoned handiwork of a neighborhood kid with his lawn mower?  Think about what you're saying here.

Her cattle mutilation obsession isn't just "funny. " It makes me laugh so hard it almost loosens my teeth. 

Merely "funny?"  Don't you mean:  "The belly laughs from it mutilated my own appendix?"   Don't you mean:  "It's so upendingly hilarious that my bowlful of jelly broke its bowl?"  Merry Christmas, everyone.

Even the cows are laughing at her -- deep mooing fits of unpasteurized laughter out there in the pasture -- and they're the ones being disemboweled and later fidddled with by Linda Moulton Cow-Howe. 

That's what they call her.  Not me.  I call her "The Cattle Dancing Queen, Sorry, ABBA." 

I also call bullshit on defending her.

The deranged folk who hawk these hoaxes -- and furthermore line their pockets with the filthy-assed proceeds from this hucksterism -- need to be held seriously accountable for their kookery.  Otherwise we're all doomed as a species.

It's one thing to enjoy reading or writing science fiction.  It's intellectually criminal to distort the truth the way this woman gets paid handsomely to do in her monotone cluck on the radio.  I don't mean to say she's handsome.  That would sound misogynist or something. 



"[It's what I go to C2C for: the strange, the weird, the improbable. And she does do 'real science', too, with properly qualified experts in the field and is equally on top of her brief there."



If we've reached an age where science needs the word "real" next to it and then quotation marks to wrap it all up so that the rubes won't be offended, then what does that say about our future? 

It says, "Go ahead and let the religious nuts from east and west launch the nukes, because everybodys wants their own childlike Wizard of Oz-level heaven right now, and it sure isn't the heavens we were exploring.  It's really going to be hell."

Finally, I'm not on here because I love Art Bell.  I'm on here to make fun of George Noory in my spare time.

I once got an email from Art Bell back when he was the host of "Coast-to-Coast AM."

I had written him:

"Don't you think it's wonderfully perverse that you get to use some of mankind's highest forms of technology like radio waves and the internet to peddle essentially Middle Ages-level stuff like witches, goblins, fairies, elves and strange monsters?   I mean, ET's are only recycled elves from the Dark Ages, and Bigfoot is just a recycled dragon, isn't he?  For your purposes, could we live in a better country?"

And he wrote me back a two-letter response:

"FU."

=============================================================
Heilsa,All!
Despite this misquote,I believe,personally,that Mr.Bell was quoting an then-current radio-media-web cliche from the "We Are The Weird"pseudonymous author,drive-in-movie critic 'Joe-Bob Briggs':
"I see lots of "Fu"here:
I.e.,"Tongue Fu.."
I.e.:Sybyl Dannings' "rip-away-bra Fu."
..Joe-Bob says,"Check it out".
Any of you posters here remember his newsletter,"W.A.T.W."?
Parody name for,"We Are The World"..courtesey of Bob Geldorf.
Und Zo,don't assume what Mr.Bell said was an abbreviation for an bad word(s).
Yust my inflated 2,0000 cents worth.
"B_B"

[UFQuack]

Noory was stammering for a second there, it reminded me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FyJyurljoM

[NoMoreNoory]

Anthony Peake! Born on the Wirral in 1954. Near Liverpool (In the Scouse vernacular, that makes him a sheep-shagger). The Beatles....blah, blah, blah. Anthony has peaked already.
As someone who was born in Liverpool in 1954, I feel moved to apologise for this fraudulent bore. For me, the off button looms.


Notice on his website his new book has the name Edwin Laszlo prominently displayed as the author. In small print, below that 'with Anthony Peake'. Unless I missed it, there's been no mention of Mr Laszlo so far.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Anthony Peake! Born on the Wirral in 1954. Near Liverpool (In the Scouse vernacular, that makes him a sheep-shagger). The Beatles....blah, blah, blah. Anthony has peaked already.
As someone who was born in Liverpool in 1954, I feel moved to apologise for this fraudulent bore. For me, the off button looms.


Notice on his website his new book has the name Edwin Laszlo prominently displayed as the author. In small print, below that 'with Anthony Peake'. Unless I missed it, there's been no mention of Mr Laszlo so far.

I'm listening just closely enough to pick up on key words and find it vaguely interesting.  I'm trying to reach a zen state where I tune out the 95% tripe  .

[NoMoreNoory]

so a mention of Professor Laszlo before the break, but I'm still unclear who contributed what for the book.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

So far I like this guy.  I haven't listened to all of it but he seems to have a reasonable understanding of the scientific basics.  His conclusions aren't established but have plausibility.  Maybe I'll change my mind as I listen to more.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

He's kind of screwed up his understanding of what happens when the corpus callosum is severed to control epilepsy (his example of a woman choosing one dress and her hand picking out a different one).  He treats it as some external consciousness controlling different personalities, but really it's just the loss of the primary pathway that allow the left and right halves of the brain to to communicate with each other.  It's well established and well understood without invoking some mystical external consciousness.  He lost me there.

[UFQuack]

Well Jorch did it again, he finished a caller's interesting story and tacked his boring ending on and then cut him off to go to commercial. No hold over, no nothing. Thanks Jorch for doing that, just one of the many reasons we love you...er, love to hate you.

[bateman]

You people are still subjecting yourselves to this dreck night after night?

[sydtron]

I had it on in the background whilst playing my Intellivision.   

[Major Ed Damien]

The guest is now talking about "the quickening."

But what about the quackening?

It's when all the quacks get together and quack.

The combined quacking could start something, but we know not what.

[coaster]

The guest is now talking about "the quickening."

But what about the quackening?

indeed. I've got to say, theres been a lot of bullshit being posted on the forum as of late, but your posts always make me laugh.

[Who]

Edwin, a member of the Coast to Coast Insiders Club, stopped going to his family doctor and began getting his medical advice from Coast to Coast AM.  His irritable bowl syndrome improved significantly and the constipation that had plagued him for a lifetime disappeared completely. Edwin was delighted.

[Mind Flayer Monk]

Edwin, a member of the Coast to Coast Insiders Club, stopped going to his family doctor and began getting his medical advice from Coast to Coast AM.  His irritable bowl syndrome improved significantly and the constipation that had plagued him for a lifetime disappeared completely. Edwin was delighted.

Any chance of an action figure line?

[Major Ed Damien]

Any chance of an action figure line?

The Brown Menace.

[DebbyS]

Since learning about other radio shows (though I'm still desperately looking for a politically moderate/liberal host show)...

I regret being 1.5 months behind in my reading (I get too involved in enenews.com, which is far scarier than the snoory show, and has the advantage of reporting the awful truth).

However, for a progressive talk host, I can recommend checking out Mike Malloy, via http://www.mikemalloy.com/  where you can get samples and maybe find him on a station near you. He's on our progressive radio station here in Albuquerque, but like nearly every other show on the station, they broadcast him on tape--I mean, digital delay, around 10pm-1am, but they may have a reason (the only good one): he really likes to cuss out people, events and actions he strongly disagrees with. He recently played a recording of himself, over several weeks, reading 1984.

Another progressive to listen for is Thom Hartmann (http://www.thomhartmann.com/). I wish I could recommend some female progressives, but the only one I know is Stephanie Miller and she's still in love with Obama, which turn turned me off her right away as I'm more progressive than she is...

As for GSnoory, I've been sleeping through him. I put my radio on sleep (it turns off after an hour) and listen to a bit of GroundZero, turned low (I hate the theme music), trying to hear the topic, but fall asleep and wake up after 3am or so, having missed the bulk of if not the entirety of both shows. This is a blessing, I know. If either of them have had an interesting guest, I can download the shows from the Internet.

And that's all I have to contribute at the moment

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

George Noory from an interview in the Globe and Mail last month:

We had one guy who said he was going around the United States in a van claiming he had a dead Bigfoot in there. We don’t put those people on the air. We really try to scrutinize those who are true believers or investigators trying to do the honest thing, between those who are hucksters.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/george-noory-radio-is-extremely-intimate-its-one-on-one/article21500244/

Try harder George!

[Major Ed Damien]

indeed. I've got to say, theres been a lot of bullshit being posted on the forum as of late, but your posts always make me laugh.

Thanks, bud.  Sometimes I can even make myself laugh.

[NoMoreNoory]

George Noory from an interview in the Globe and Mail last month:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/george-noory-radio-is-extremely-intimate-its-one-on-one/article21500244/

Try harder George!

"Obviously not every UFO or conspiracy theory is fact. But within that, there are incredible stories of the possibilities."


"...a cloak of cover-up permeates through everything."


Kind of reassuring to know it isn't just on air that he talks complete nonsense.


Meanwhile, tonight a Professor of Philosophy discusses historical evidence for Jesus (should be a short interview) and a Professor of Journalism discusses the state of science.

[Major Ed Damien]

George Noory from an interview in the Globe and Mail last month:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/george-noory-radio-is-extremely-intimate-its-one-on-one/article21500244/

Try harder George!

From the interview . . .


Noory:  "But what’s real?"


Certainly not the color on your "hair" or that Burt Reynolds retro-'stache.  They are of a regrettable shade known as "Inky Artificial."

[pyewacket]

Meanwhile, tonight a Professor of Philosophy discusses historical evidence for Jesus (should be a short interview) and a Professor of Journalism discusses the state of science.

I'm not trying to be nasty but this is the best he can do? Such a festive time of the year- something for everyone- religious and secular, and this is the best they can come up with for a show?

Smaller, local shows have gone out and talked with the public, raised money for charity and put on some nice shows for the season. Can't George and staff set up a public appearance and run the tape? I understand that it's not as easy as all that, but it would be a nice change for the holiday.

I'm going to rewatch Kevin Meaney's Christmas shows:

Kevin Meaney Christmas Show 2009

Kevin Meaney Christmas Show 2010

Kevin Meaney Christmas Show 2011

[Mind Flayer Monk]

and a Professor of Journalism discusses the state of science.

You know what, I really wouldn't mind that. But it's Noory and he will turn the conversation to the same banal shit he usually does-his hamster experiences and trying to launch a rocket. This is after also telling us and the guest 10 times that he also went to Journalism school, something about Walter Cronkite, and his chestnut about "they were the last great generation".

[MikeJ]

Loyal Coast Insiders since 2010, Goober and Jed anxiously await Joorch's arrival at the local Stuckey's where he will be signing copies of his Late Night Snacks cookbook.

[Major Ed Damien]

You know what, I really wouldn't mind that. But it's Noory and he will turn the conversation to the same banal shit he usually does-his hamster experiences and trying to launch a rocket. This is after also telling us and the guest 10 times that he also went to Journalism school, something about Walter Cronkite, and his chestnut about "they were the last great generation".

Yes, George will faithfully drop another radio turd into America's eggnog tonight.

Merry Fucking Nothing.

And if you've been good children, you'll get to hear about how fast his year disappeared down the toilet.  "No year has ever gone by this fast.  Un-bull-lee-bubble."

The funniest thing will be when we aurally detect the moment each guest realizes that he's being interviewed by a talking chimp.

[wr250]

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

I'd watch that chimp if he had an internet TV show.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

I'm not trying to be nasty but this is the best he can do? Such a festive time of the year- something for everyone- religious and secular, and this is the best they can come up with for a show?

Smaller, local shows have gone out and talked with the public, raised money for charity and put on some nice shows for the season. Can't George and staff set up a public appearance and run the tape? I understand that it's not as easy as all that, but it would be a nice change for the holiday.

I'm going to rewatch Kevin Meaney's Christmas shows:

Kevin Meaney Christmas Show 2009

Kevin Meaney Christmas Show 2010

Kevin Meaney Christmas Show 2011

He does have the $14.95 Holiday CD.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

...Meanwhile, tonight a Professor of Philosophy discusses historical evidence for Jesus (should be a short interview) and a Professor of Journalism discusses the state of science.

Professor, I'm a Christian but I don't know if there is a Jesus or a God.  I think everything is just kinda spiritual and connected to what I call the wireless internet.  Do most Christians believe in Jesus and if so do they believe in God?  I think Islam should be nuked because they believe in Allah unlike Christians like me.

[Major Ed Damien]

Professor, I'm a Christian but I don't know if there is a Jesus or a God.  I think everything is just kinda spiritual and connected to what I call the wireless internet.  Do most Christians believe in Jesus and if so do they believe in God?  I think Islam should be nuked because they believe in Allah unlike Christians like me.

"Professor, how did that little drummer boy know which manger in the oh little town of Bethlehem to show up at?  Give me your take on that."