George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[pyewacket]

I tuned in last night just to see how George would perform his great service to the lonely listeners on this special holiday. He does tell us how important it is for him to do so.

The call that stunned me the most was the man who said he had an after death experience when his brother shot him before said brother committed suicide. After hearing what was clearly a traumatic experience, George ends the call with something like, "Well, you enjoy the rest of this time..." I can't remember exactly.  It was trite and sounded a bit insincere. I admit, I may have missed something, please tell me if I did. He just seemed to give the man the old heave ho and pressed on to the next caller. Maybe the man's story was considered an emotional trigger and it needed to be cut short. All I know is, if I was emotionally troubled, holiday or not ... I would not want to talk to George. GNS! 

[NoMoreNoory]

I tuned in last night just to see how George would perform his great service to the lonely listeners on this special holiday. He does tell us how important it is for him to do so.

The call that stunned me the most was the man who said he had an after death experience when his brother shot him before said brother committed suicide. After hearing what was clearly a traumatic experience, George ends the call with something like, "Well, you enjoy the rest of this time..." I can't remember exactly.  It was trite and sounded a bit insincere. I admit, I may have missed something, please tell me if I did. He just seemed to give the man the old heave ho and pressed on to the next caller. Maybe the man's story was considered an emotional trigger and it needed to be cut short. All I know is, if I was emotionally troubled, holiday or not ... I would not want to talk to George. GNS!

It was a typically horrible moment and the precise quote was just bizarre in the extreme:


'Enjoy the rest of your moment......for you.'

[pyewacket]

It was a typically horrible moment and the precise quote was just bizarre in the extreme:


'Enjoy the rest of your moment......for you.'

Thank you, NMN! I thought I had imagined it. What an awkward thing to say to that poor man. Given the type of show, subject matter, and guests that appear regularly on Coast, you'd think George would have some go to responses prepared for something like this. There are many etiquette rules for what and what not to say for any occasion leaving no excuse for his remarks. 

[Major Ed Damien]

It was a typically horrible moment and the precise quote was just bizarre in the extreme:


'Enjoy the rest of your moment......for you.'

Let's think of some more dumb things George could have said to the man instead of: 'Enjoy the rest of your moment......for you.'



1.  "No soup for you!"



2.  "Enjoy your tragedy.  I know I did."



3.  "Well, I'm sure you've got a pet you can torture.  That always worked for me as a kid."



4.  "Hey, that's too bad.  Sorta."



5.  "Thanks for your sob story.  We now go to Travis who is tow-truck driving in Alabama."



6.  "Wow, you were part of a failed murder-suicide?  You must be a fallen angel.  Well, let's go to Wanda in Dallas."



7.  "See, if you'd had a gun, then he would have been a dead suicide."



8.  "Did you have to clean up the mess?  I hate having to do dishes and always have my daughter do that awful cleaning up and stuff."



9.  "That's pretty dramatic.  I guess you're glad to be around to drive your passion.  You take care and, Tommy, please make sure this Debbie Downer never calls back."



10.  "So if he killed himself, then how was he able to shoot you?  I don't get it.  Explain all this again, please."



11.  "That's a great a story.  I'm sure your brother is in hell right now, as we speak.  Let's hope you don't end up there too . . . as well.  Donnie is in Albuquerque."

[maureen]

Major Ed Damien, your brilliant wit is very much appreciated!!  Jolly times to you!!

[PB the Deplorable]

Thank you, NMN! I thought I had imagined it. What an awkward thing to say to that poor man. Given the type of show, subject matter, and guests that appear regularly on Coast, you'd think George would have some go to responses prepared for something like this. There are many etiquette rules for what and what not to say for any occasion leaving no excuse for his remarks. 

George once introduced a guest as someone who at some point had been 'mortally wounded'

[pyewacket]

George once introduced a guest as someone who at some point had been 'mortally wounded'

PB- I can't even begin to understand George's fragmented thought patterns. It must be well known to all except the most oblivious participants and to the person who keeps him on the air. That person should be required to write notes of apology to the people subjected to George's verbal blunders. 

[At the stroke of midnight]

Snoorge has told the dead-friend-in-the-coffin story so many times I could recite it from memory. He has a limited inventory of personal anecdotes, which he tells over...and over... and over...

Hey George, how about some new stories, even if you have to take them from someone else? Nothing else on C2C is original material - like the Detroit broadcaster's "Christmas tradition" last night - so what difference would a few more borrowed stories make? Then again, Ghoulish George may repeat the dead-friend-in-the-coffin story because he delights in talking about dead bodies in coffins. He seemed to relish reporting the story last night about the mutilated Indian child found by the parents.

Here is my prediction for Feb. 1st 2015: Jorch will say "Wow, can you believe it's February already? This year is just racing by. Pretty soon it will be the holidays." He will say this every month until Oct. Then he will start repeating: "I Love this time of year, starting around Halloween, and then into Thanksgiving, and then into Christmas. It's my favorite time of the year" C2C is so predicable it's more like a tape than a live radio show.

[wr250]

Snoorge has told the dead-friend-in-the-coffin story so many times I could recite it from memory. He has a limited inventory of personal anecdotes, which he tells over...and over... and over...

Hey George, how about some new stories, even if you have to take them from someone else? Nothing else on C2C is original material - like the Detroit broadcaster's "Christmas tradition" last night - so what difference would a few more borrowed stories make? Then again, Ghoulish George may repeat the dead-friend-in-the-coffin story because he delights in talking about dead bodies in coffins. He seemed to relish reporting the story last night about the mutilated Indian child found by the parents.

Here is my prediction for Feb. 1st 2015: Jorch will say "Wow, can you believe it's February already? This year is just racing by. Pretty soon it will be the holidays." He will say this every month until Oct. Then he will start repeating: "I Love this time of year, starting around Halloween, and then into Thanksgiving, and then into Christmas. It's my favorite time of the year" C2C is so predicable it's more like a tape than a live radio show.

you mean its actually live?

[Major Ed Damien]

Major Ed Damien, your brilliant wit is very much appreciated!!  Jolly times to you!!

Thanks!!

I wish I could take most of the credit, but it's George who serves up a Christmas dinner of comedy every time he's on the air.

Best wishes to you in the new year.

[NoMoreNoory]

[size=78%]Here is my prediction for Feb. 1st 2015: Jorch will say "Wow, can you believe it's February already? [/size]

Except, of course, he won't say 'February' because he can't.

[NoMoreNoory]

Snoorge has told the dead-friend-in-the-coffin story so many times I could recite it from memory. He has a limited inventory of personal anecdotes, which he tells over...and over... and over...

Absolutely. It's also such a non-event of a story. He tells it like he's the only person ever to look at a friend or relative in a coffin and think 'Is that it? Is that all there is?' And because the great Sage Noory  can't cope with the possibility that the answer to that question  might just be 'Yes', that's it - Eureka! - there has to be 'something more'. He tells it like it's some earth-shattering moment we should all be hugely impressed by. In fact it only reveals the pathetic level of his intellectual powers. Five-year-old answers.

[Major Ed Damien]

We should supply different endings for George's "dead-friend-in-the-coffin" story:



Ending 1.

George walks up to the coffin, and the dead man sits up, spews a green fountain of embalming fluid all over George's suit, face and wig -- and then lies back down dead again.  Now wearing a green mustache, George says, "I just had that suit dry-cleaned, so there are no coincidences."



Ending 2.

George walks up to the coffin, and the dead man raises up and starts laughing.  He says:  "I was screwing your ex-wife for years and she said YOU were dead in bed.  Now I'm dead in this box, with a pillow under my head, and you're here looking at me like an idiot.  Fuck off."



Ending 3.

George walks up the coffin, and the dead man raises up and a small clone of George bursts out of the cadaver's chest.  The alien clone of George begins violently sodomizing George until its whole body is nestled inside George's chest, and, thus, the cycle begins anew.

[pyewacket]

I think they should replace UFO Phil's song with Weird Al's Everything You Know Is Wrong. It pretty much covers the show's overall wacky themes to a toe tapping polka sound. 

'Weird Al' Yankovic - Everything You Know Is Wrong

[BattyBrooke]

Guest:  "I've decided to end my life, right here on your show."

George Noory:  "OK, let's take some calls."


****


Guest:  "By the way, I once fucked your mother back there in Detroit."

George Noory:  "Justin is truck driving in Missouri."


****


Guest:  "Tonight, I became 'The New Jack the Ripper.'  One prostitute dead, 50 to go."

George Noory:  "Well, like I always say, 'There are no coincidences."

THIS.

[maureen]

We should supply different endings for George's "dead-friend-in-the-coffin" story:



Ending 1.

George walks up to the coffin, and the dead man sits up, spews a green fountain of embalming fluid all over George's suit, face and wig -- and then lies back down dead again.  Now wearing a green mustache, George says, "I just had that suit dry-cleaned, so there are no coincidences."



Ending 2.

George walks up to the coffin, and the dead man raises up and starts laughing.  He says:  "I was screwing your ex-wife for years and she said YOU were dead in bed.  Now I'm dead in this box, with a pillow under my head, and you're here looking at me like an idiot.  Fuck off."



Ending 3.

George walks up the coffin, and the dead man raises up and a small clone of George bursts out of the cadaver's chest.  The alien clone of George begins violently sodomizing George until its whole body is nestled inside George's chest, and, thus, the cycle begins anew.

Nice!! all your posts are very clever. May I name you the Jonathan Swift of Bellgab?

[Dateline]

Ending 4

Noory walks up to the coffin, and it is the very reverse image of him, just as he would be looking into a reflecting pond.  With one half of  a moustache, the other half never grew back because it was actually waxed, the doppleganger man in the coffin has the right side of the moustache.  Noory gets so close that he breaths over the dead man, and a hair is stirred.  "He is alive, he is alive! This is beyond belief!"  With his ever trust producer at side, he immediately begins giving the cadaver CPR.  Noory offers him a pizza roll appetizer.  Nothing works.  The Noory doppleganger is dead, however he has been stuffed and mounted and is awaiting signage so he can be displayed in the New Cali studio.  Signage to follow.  The stuffed cadaver is booked for an October 2015 show of Beyond Belief.

[Who]

The Coast Insiders Club held their first annual nude retreat at the Momma Cass Center in San Luis Obispo.  Randall (pictured above) ate 24 turkey sammiches and 60 pizza rolls at one sitting.  Everyone agreed that all future retreats should be at clothing optional facilities.

[Major Ed Damien]

Nice!! all your posts are very clever. May I name you the Jonathan Swift of Bellgab?

Too many people on here are funnier.  And they really know their target. 

Jonathan Swift was the Issac Newton of satire.  I'd be unfit to empty his chamber pot, even as a fill-in.

[wr250]

this weeks suckage:
monday : spiritual interverntion
tues: planet serpo and the ebens (elbonians?)
wed: predictions
thurs: predictions with glynis mccants  (the numbers lady)
fri: "roll the tape tommy its open lines"

[narcissist noory]

George has never had an original thought.  It would never occur to him to view Christmas any differently than what the typical Christmas themed TV commercials project

That's because sociopaths only mimmic and imitate and just like humans they vari in intelligence levels.
While georgie ranks in the gutter you wouldn't want to cross paths of the genius level socio as you might not wake up again.
I would postulate that a full blown socio is the closest   
thing to a real life alien and while the experts say their levels are 1in 20 I would say its more like 1in 10, either that or life is trying to tell me something..there are no coincidences

[PB the Deplorable]

That's because sociopaths only mimmic and imitate and just like humans they vari in intelligence levels.

While georgie ranks in the gutter...

[attachimg=1]

Heh, George thinks you might be on-tuh sumpthin'

[pyewacket]

So many funny and talented people here- you know who you are!

I have a hard time understanding why GN is still hosting the show. We had an old time local guy- Don Weeks- on morning radio for probably 30 yrs. I grew up hearing him on the radio. In all those years he never seemed to lose his love for his job. He was active in so many local charities and events. He interviewed people all the time, political, local stories, odd stuff, human interest, and on and on. He produced a top ten list that was sometimes funny, hey I was a kid. I think David Letterman even gave old Don a shout out. He also wrote, produced and acted out skits from time to time. The one I remember, for it's insanity, was Amish In Space! Even after he retired, he continued to help out in the community ( a fairly large tri city area) until either he or his wife became ill.

I can't help but make comparisons. George doesn't seem to measure up to others who did so much more with far fewer advantages. Maybe it's because they built up their own careers and didn't have a plum like C2C handed to them. That would be my guess.   

[wr250]

So many funny and talented people here- you know who you are!

I have a hard time understanding why GN is still hosting the show. We had an old time local guy- Don Weeks- on morning radio for probably 30 yrs. I grew up hearing him on the radio. In all those years he never seemed to lose his love for his job. He was active in so many local charities and events. He interviewed people all the time, political, local stories, odd stuff, human interest, and on and on. He produced a top ten list that was sometimes funny, hey I was a kid. I think David Letterman even gave old Don a shout out. He also wrote, produced and acted out skits from time to time. The one I remember, for it's insanity, was Amish In Space! Even after he retired, he continued to help out in the community ( a fairly large tri city area) until either he or his wife became ill.

I can't help but make comparisons. George doesn't seem to measure up to others who did so much more with far fewer advantages. Maybe it's because they built up their own careers and didn't have a plum like C2C handed to them. That would be my guess.

george "gets it"

[Dateline]

george "gets it"

And we "gots it."

[3OctaveFart]

According to a Google search, Jorch only earns about $500K a year.

Certainly not chump change, but I would have figured it were much higher. He's the face of the show, for what it's worth.

[Major Ed Damien]

Ending 5.

George walks up to the coffin and sees that the man is being displayed with his naked ass on view instead of his face.  George screams, "Jesus and God were right!  This means there IS an afterlife!"

[Major Ed Damien]

Ending 6.

George walks up to the coffin and stumbles against it, causing the lid to slam shut with a loud crack.  With that, George realizes that death slams the door on a person's life and that there is nothing more after it.  George begins to sob frequently and eventually has a nervous breakdown on the air.  He removes his clothing, and starts waving a pistol in the studio.  Eventually he is subdued with tranquilizers and wakes up in a straitjacket.  George believes he has been reincarnated as a caterpillar and is again happy.

[Who]

Whooping cough is back with a vengeance, thanks to the anti-science IDIOTS!  Are you listening George Noory?

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/whooping-cough.html

[PB the Deplorable]

Whooping cough is back with a vengeance, thanks to the anti-science IDIOTS!  Are you listening George Noory?...

Don't forget the wide open border, where third world diseases come right in