Losing a pet

[HorrorRetro]

I'm at the point where I have to start planning to have my dog put to sleep.  He's going steadily downhill.  He's a "special needs" dog as it is, but I can tell he's no longer happy.  He was always happy, no matter how bad off he was.  His back legs are paralyzed, so he has a little cart, and he would run around and be so happy to go in the yard or the beach.  I would have to run after him on the beach.

He had 4 grand mal seizures Saturday night.  He has advanced diabetes and is on insulin.  When his blood sugar rises too high, he has seizures.  I was able to get him stabilized with extra insulin and some phenobarbital, but he's not bouncing back this time. 

It's really hard.  He's my boy.  Most people have that one dog or cat they really connect with some time in their lives, and he is mine.  We just have to look at each other to know what we're thinking.  He's such a character.  He's a little pug.  He was the "spokesdog" for the local animal park where we lived before we moved here. 

The last time I had to take one of my pugs in to have him put to sleep, it was horrible.  It took over an hour for him to go and they had to keep upping his dose.  I had nightmares afterward.  It was awful.  I found a local vet that can come to your home and do it there.   I think that's what I'm going to do.  I don't want him to go in some clinical setting.  I really hate this.   

[McPhallus]

Sad news indeed, but there's likely no better way for a pet to go than at home, surrounded by family.

[Eddie Coyle]

             You have my sympathy, it's a horrible situation to be in. I just went through it nearly two years ago and it affected me so greatly that I'll probably never have a pet again for I don't want to go through that devastation again. I was 14, 27 and 35 when I lost my dogs and each time hurt like hell, the last one was probably the first time I cried as an adult.

              My thoughts are with you.

[ziznak]

My sisters weimaraner that her and her husband have had I think since they got married was just recently put down.  My bro in law woke up to take him for a walk one morning last week and the dog couldn't walk.  They have 2 kids that have only known that dog so things have been really hard in that household.  I also was told about a 21 year old kitty that had to be put down by a very close friend of mine.  He was her first cat she's had him since she first moved out.  Now I read your post mrs retro and again I find myself grabbing a certain right hand cat of mine, checking him out, making sure he isn't acting weird or has any lumps. 

It's just like losing a person for those of us who see things this way.  My dad used to do like the coyle and state he was not getting another dog due to the pain after losing one.  Best thing to do is not to focus a lot on the loss but think more about the great relationship that you had.  I'm terribly sorry for your loss... but I'm glad you have the chance to say goodbye.

[b_dubb]

i offer my condolences.  he sounds like a really great dog.  and he was blessed to have someone like you there to take care of him all these years.  if you can get a vet to come out to your house that sounds ideal.  i'm very sorry this is happening to you but this little guy sounds like he really lucked out and got an owner that really gave him a good life.  endings are always sad but we can't forget about the beginnings and the middles, right?

[onan]

I too offer my condolences. I wish I had something else to offer.

[HorrorRetro]

Thanks, everyone.  I'm glad others can relate.  Some people are so cavalier about this issue.  We had strangers come up to us and ask what was wrong with him and then say they would have put him down.     Our vet said that he would recommend it once he saw that Elvis was no longer happy. We've since moved 300 miles from that vet, but I can tell he's no longer happy.  Elvis was always excited and happy to go to the vet.  He would roll in like he owned the place.  He'd go off and roll himself into the exam area without waiting for us.    He's just such a character.  He is fearless.  He drove my daughter's Rhodesian ridgeback out of his own home one time.  Everyone who's spent any time with him just loves him.  When he hears flute or any kind of wind instrument on TV or radio, he "sings" along with it.  I have that on video, thankfully.  I played the Irish flute for him and he sang along.  His singing is much better than my flute playing.

This is Elvis

[PB the Deplorable]

What a great dog. 

Such sad news - I'd like to add my condolences.  I agree about having the vet come to your place.

[ChewMouse]

My dad once said that losing a pet is the purest grief because you don't have to worry later about the things you never said or did. You don't have to ponder the fights you had or the times you failed one another. It's just pure loss.

Elvis is a sweetie, that's clear from his picture and your words. And he's had a blessed life with you.

There's nothing to offer here except my heart actually aches for you. I am so sorry.

[ShayP]

My condolences as well.  I do not have children, however I always had pets.  My heart broke every time one passed on.  I did my best with medical care and I think they lived better than me at times.  I miss everyone of them and have great memories.  Clearly you care and I know it hurts. I am very sorry.

[UnscreenedCaller]

I'm so sorry, HorrorRetro. I had two cats who lived to be 15. One of them had to be put to sleep as she had no kidney function, wouldn't eat or drink water. It was the hardest decision to make, but my little Siamese was suffering and it was the only option left that would ease her pain. My cats will always be special to me, but it broke my heart when I lost them. And now I have a female husky whom I love.

I think having your little Elvis at home when the time comes would be easier for everyone, as he'll be surrounded by familiar things and the people who love him and you will have time to just be with him without the hassle of a vet's office. No one can tell you when the time is right. Elvis will let you know.

My thoughts are with you both.

[Treading Water]

Tears in my heart for you, HorrorRetro.  Pets fill a special place and leave a heavy void.  UnscreenedCaller is right.  Elvis will let you know.  When you think of him, you'll see him running down the beach.  And when you go through the day humming to yourself, you'll hear him singing.

Peaceful thoughts to both of you.

[analog kid]

Sorry to hear that HorrorRetro. Buried my old timer about six months ago. We don't realize how much company they provide. They're absolutely worth every minute though. They keep us happy and even-keeled and sane.

And you think you had the best dog on the planet, but your next friend is always the best dog on the planet.

Those cavalier types can kiss my motherf!cking ass.

[HorrorRetro]

Well,  I just made the appointment.  It's for Thursday at 2 p.m. here at home.  That gives me a day to back out of it, if I change my mind.  But the fact is he is not going to get any better.  It's hard with my husband being in Afghanistan.  He feels horrible that he'll never see him again. 

I feel like such a fraud.  I look at Elvis, and he looks at me, and I have to pretend everything is fine, and it's not.   

[The General]

Well,  I just made the appointment.  It's for Thursday at 2 p.m. here at home.  That gives me a day to back out of it, if I change my mind.  But the fact is he is not going to get any better.  It's hard with my husband being in Afghanistan.  He feels horrible that he'll never see him again. 

I feel like such a fraud.  I look at Elvis, and he looks at me, and I have to pretend everything is fine, and it's not.   

Don't feel like a fraud.  Every action you're taking is out of love. 

[ChewMouse]

Oh, Gina. This is such a hard time for you; does it help that so many of us are grieving with you? I really wonder.

Your earlier words prompted me to get out some old photo albums to see my Sam (1986-2003), the best dog on the planet ever, as AnalogKid said, so I'm puffy-eyed as I type this.

I think you said you talk to your husband using Skype? If I'm wrong, ignore this. But isn't Skype where you can see the person you're talking to? Perhaps your husband can get his good-byes said that way. Or, even if the visuals aren't there, you could let Elvis hear him on the phone.

As for pretending for Elvis...I wonder if he's doing the same for you. And maybe that's just how it should be.

[McPhallus]

Well,  I just made the appointment.  It's for Thursday at 2 p.m. here at home.  That gives me a day to back out of it, if I change my mind.  But the fact is he is not going to get any better.  It's hard with my husband being in Afghanistan.  He feels horrible that he'll never see him again. 

I feel like such a fraud.  I look at Elvis, and he looks at me, and I have to pretend everything is fine, and it's not.   

I remember saying goodbye to the dog I grew up with during my college years.  I think it's especially hard with dogs, as they're so damn dependent on us humans.  He had this look in his eyes... I think he knew it was time.  I bet Elvis knows, too.  Many of us will be thinking about you guys over the next couple of days.

[UnscreenedCaller]

Well,  I just made the appointment.  It's for Thursday at 2 p.m. here at home.  That gives me a day to back out of it, if I change my mind.  But the fact is he is not going to get any better.  It's hard with my husband being in Afghanistan.  He feels horrible that he'll never see him again. 

I feel like such a fraud.  I look at Elvis, and he looks at me, and I have to pretend everything is fine, and it's not.   

Our pets trust us to feed and water them, walk them or provide them with clean litter, play with them, clean their tanks, love them and so on, but I really think when they are too sick to go on, and there is no quality of life, just suffering, then they trust that we love them enough to let them go gently. It took a long time after Leila was put down to accept this, but in the end I came to peace with the decision because she was suffering and it broke my heart to see her in pain.

[HorrorRetro]

Oh, Gina. This is such a hard time for you; does it help that so many of us are grieving with you? I really wonder.

Your earlier words prompted me to get out some old photo albums to see my Sam (1986-2003), the best dog on the planet ever, as AnalogKid said, so I'm puffy-eyed as I type this.

I think you said you talk to your husband using Skype? If I'm wrong, ignore this. But isn't Skype where you can see the person you're talking to? Perhaps your husband can get his good-byes said that way. Or, even if the visuals aren't there, you could let Elvis hear him on the phone.

As for pretending for Elvis...I wonder if he's doing the same for you. And maybe that's just how it should be.

Thanks again, everyone.  I think it does help to be able to talk to like-minded people. 

Yes, I do talk to my husband via Skype on most days.  They do cut communications when there is a death over there, so it can be a bit unpredictable.  But he does say hi the dogs.  We actually have 3; two pugs and a pointer mix.  They know his voice so that's helpful in keeping them connected to him.

[coaster]

thats too bad. My brother had a dog who was more my pet than his. I would stop over there every day and spend a few hours with her. She was a nervous little dog but she was so calm with me, and would spend hours just sitting on my lap. I loved that dog. My brother brought a new, much larger dog home a couple months ago and then went to work, leaving them alone together. The large dog attacked her and she sat there all day in pain bleeding to death until my brother got home from work. When he came home, she was just barely hanging on. He took her to the vet but it was too late. I have never loved a dog as much as I loved her, and I doubt I ever will. She was a damn good dog.

[HorrorRetro]

thats too bad. My brother had a dog who was more my pet than his. I would stop over there every day and spend a few hours with her. She was a nervous little dog but she was so calm with me, and would spend hours just sitting on my lap. I loved that dog. My brother brought a new, much larger dog home a couple months ago and then went to work, leaving them alone together. The large dog attacked her and she sat there all day in pain bleeding to death until my brother got home from work. When he came home, she was just barely hanging on. He took her to the vet but it was too late. I have never loved a dog as much as I loved her, and I doubt I ever will. She was a damn good dog.

Oh, that's awful.  So sorry for your loss. 

[ziznak]

I know damn... it's belly rubs all around at my place tonight

[3OctaveFart]

Been there recently and it hurts every damn day.

Just don't fixate on the final moments and reflect on the years of unconditional friendship.

[HorrorRetro]

My boy is gone.  It was peaceful for him.  Our other pug Joey stayed with him the whole time.  I'm seriously questioning my ability to deal with this.  I'm on the verge of hysterics.  I know it would be hard, but I don't know that I've ever felt anything this horrible.  I've lost parents.  But this is something different.  My chest feels ripped open.  My house feels empty.

[b_dubb]

My boy is gone.  It was peaceful for him.  Our other pug Joey stayed with him the whole time.  I'm seriously questioning my ability to deal with this.  I'm on the verge of hysterics.  I know it would be hard, but I don't know that I've ever felt anything this horrible.  I've lost parents.  But this is something different.  My chest feels ripped open.  My house feels empty.

can you call a friend?  you need to be around friends right now. 

[HorrorRetro]

can you call a friend?  you need to be around friends right now.

I was able to Skype my husband in Afghanistan for a bit.  I don't know anyone here, so no local friends.  My best friend is down in Texas and I'm in WA state.  Unfortunately, she's going through the same thing with her dog, having to put him to sleep soon, so I don't want her to hear how out of it I am about this now. 

[UnscreenedCaller]

I'm so sorry. If I can be a shoulder, feel free. Hold Joey tight, and the two of you can comfort each other. You'll get through this, one minute at a time.

[Eddie Coyle]

My boy is gone.  It was peaceful for him.  Our other pug Joey stayed with him the whole time.  I'm seriously questioning my ability to deal with this.  I'm on the verge of hysterics.  I know it would be hard, but I don't know that I've ever felt anything this horrible.  I've lost parents.  But this is something different.  My chest feels ripped open.  My house feels empty.

           I know it sounds trite at the time, but you'll get through it...but it's hard as hell right now. I know all too well how you feel. I'm very sorry.

[Treading Water]

Gina,

Peaceful is the word.  It was peaceful for him.  Joey stayed with him.  He did not die alone. 
Cry as hard and as long as you need.  You will get through this. 

Sending you good thoughts, prayers, energy. 

TW

[onan]

I am always hesitant to say much when one is grieving. Especially when there is no tone to the words.

I can only say I am sorry and wish I could in some way help you through.

there are support groups in some areas. I would hope if you have no one close by to talk with you look into this site:

http://aplb.org/services/support_groups/