George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[punkinpie]

Thanks, Marc!  Hahahahahaha!  The next time she's on coast I'll make that my wallpaper and stare at it for four hours.  Sounds like a good time.  Want to hang out with me?

[Marc.Knight]

Thanks, Marc!  Hahahahahaha!  The next time she's on coast I'll make that my wallpaper and stare at it for four hours.  Sounds like a good time.  Want to hang out with me?

Sounds like fun.  I'll bring the beer.




(Click on photo for a larger view)

[punkinpie]

We may need something a little stronger to make it through.   

A kaleidoscope LMH is my worst nightmare. 

Let me see.....I'm cranking up the show from 12/10......

"Investigative reporter Linda Moulton Howe shared reports on unusual bright orange lights observed over ocean beaches in Florida, people's encounters with lizard-skinned beings, and a glowing, 'gyroscope'-shaped craft that has been seen in Florida, Japan & Tunisia."

[MV/Liberace!]

MV, have you ever been contacted by anyone from C2C with the request that you moderate negativity away?

never.

[valdez]

     I was going to post a few quotes from George ("Should we have a Department of Morality?" and "I think the government is supplying arms to the taliban") and then say something mean about his intellectual capacity, but considering he promised to pay the mortgage of a caller until she got "back on her feet" (she's $2100 away from having the house payed off, and she's presently having difficulty with the $159 payments) I will refrain from doing so today.  He has a good heart.
     Charles R. Smith, Catherine Austin Fitts, and Whitley Strieber were all fine guest, but I was looking forward hearing Richard C., between wacky theories, and hawking ship cruises, wane poetically on the lunar eclipse/winter solstice event that had not been seen around these parts since the Romans ruled the earth.

Nope, he's sick and won't be on tonight.   

And yet, he is currently online via his private Instant Messenger account (AIM). He activated is approximated 1/2 hour before the show started. (yes , I have his account, and have 100% verified as being authentic)

     Interesting.
      
     

[HAL 9000]

Interesting.

He (Hoagland) did sign off AIM after an hour and 45 minutes. (0245 EST)

[punkinpie]

I stumbled onto Uncyclopedia today.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/George_Noory

I have a feeling with all of the Snoory references that someone from here was behind all of this........


It's too bad the end of the world had to happen tonight. We could have had you back in a few weeks to talk about it. ”
~ George Noory
George Snoory Noory is a right-wing late night radio conspiracy evangelist and talking points spokesman for the New World Order. Maybe he isn't. He believes Jesus can be seen by wearing 3-D glasses, or perhaps that is just what they say. He promotes his end of the world conspiracy theories on his nightly syndicated radio broadcast Coast to Coast AM. He has psychic abilities, and once received a psychic message from a muskellunge in Nebraska that he is very careful not to discuss. He is or is not a disciple of Art Bell. He truly has a face for radio. Maybe he doesn't.
Early years

Snoory was born in the back of a Radio Shack in Waukegan, Illinois in 1918, the son of a Whirling Dervish and a palm reader. His mother invented the radio and gave him his first job at an experimental station in St. Louis, Missouri, in 1928, along with lessons on the xylophone. It was while practicing the instrument he first received a message from a UFO. The aliens named him "The Night Squirrel," for his habit of burying things and his bushy tail. It is a name he still uses to refer to himself. When he was 12 he had a terrible fever, and wasn't expected to die. He did, however, and recalls in his 2006 book, "Slacker in the Dark" the peculiar episode:

Space Jesus visited George Snoory Noory in a near death experience and told him about the end of the world.
"I was terribly sick. The fever was so hot I felt as though I was actually freezing. I felt as if tiny knives were piercing my flesh. And then, there was a "pop" - and I was out of my body looking down at myself. I felt a tug at my shirt - I turned and looked and saw a beautiful being awash in light. It looked like Jesus, but he had a helmet on. Something in my mind, almost telepathically, told me it was "Space Jesus." He began to tell me about the end of the world, and then we shook hands, and the next thing I knew I was back in my body."
The Space Jesus Event, as Noory began to call it, became a life changing one. "The Night Squirrel" began to tell these tales over and over again on his radio program between xylophone solos, sending his listeners into a frenzy. One night, a young Richard C. Hoagland called him and begged him to put him on the air with him. They spoke for over an hour about Space Jesus visiting Mars and how the elitists have conspired to cover that up and the two of them formed an organization devoted to helmeted messianic extraterrestrial research that night while on the air. Little did they know they had really invented late night talk radio.
EditThe muskellunge incident


Snoory once received a psychic message from a muskellunge. "I heard it calling my name," he recalls.
Although he re-tells the story in several different versions, here is the latest version from Slacker in the Dark: "I was lying on my bed in my home in Waukegan one night in 1952, pondering auto-erotica, when I heard a voice calling my name. It said it was Edgar Cayce and that he'd been reincarnated as a muskellunge that lived in a lake in Nebraska. I asked, "What's a muskellunge?" I'll never forget his response: "That doesn't matter right now, just listen to me - you must warn the world - you must warn the world!" So, that's why I do what I do. I feel I was personally picked by a muskellunge that just happened to be the reincarnated entity of Edgar Cayce!!!" Snoory doesn't mention if he was drinking or smoking anything that night or if he had ingested some type of mind altering drug or just what exactly he was to warn the world about. To him it really didn't matter - they were after him - or maybe they weren't. He joined the Navy and became a master of disguise. He was rumored to have been recruited by the CIA as a disinformation agent, but denies ever meeting George Noory or being in the Navy. Or, maybe he didn't. After the Navy he drifted from dead-end job to dead-end job, living on light beer and antidepressants. This natural course led him to television.
EditTelevision and Jimmy Hoffa

After his grandmother invented television, she gave him a job interviewing mobsters and evil-doers that were marked to be whacked. One was Jimmy Hoffa. He received an Emmy for his work. Snoory wrote the interview into a script and Martin Scorsese directed Joe Pesci in "The Whack Job" in which Noory picked up an Oscar. He also wrote the theme song, "What a Whack Job Wants" and picked up a Grammy. He also interviewed Julius Caesar, Joseph Stalin, Czar Nicholas ll, Adolph Hitler, John F. Kennedy and Judas, for which he received another Emmy. He denies ever interviewing Charles Manson and Satan, but both of them said otherwise, and gave themselves an Emmy. After viewers were found to be getting physically ill from seeing his face on TV, he went back to radio, taking another job in St. Louis as "The Night Squirrel." In 2006, "Slacker in the Dark" was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize. In 2007, Snoory was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his work in banning the accordion.
EditArt Bell and Coast to Coast

After Art Bell was kidnapped by a feminist Filipino army insurgency, Premiere Radio Networks was looking for someone to take his place. Rush Limbaugh remembered hearing a similar psycho on the radio while on vacation in Missouri and told Premiere about him. in 2003, Noory took over Coast to Coast much to the chagrin of it's regular listeners. Noory immediately began to preach his theory of Space Jesus, and denying the same. He blamed September 11, 2001 on conspiracy theorists and claimed Islam was created by the CIA. He dedicated entire shows to End of the World rants and guests who supported the same Rapture and revenge philosophies. He began a steady diet of the Book of Revelation and is rumored to have eaten over 7,000 copies. He hired longtime psycho Richard C. Hoagland in a move many consider was only a counterbalance to have someone more insane than himself on the show. He has dedicated himself to find out who the hell 666 is and when we are all gonna die!! Heard on over a million gazillion radio stations throughout the known world, he makes it a point to keep any guests with relevant information off the show. In 2007, he took his lovable mug to the Home Shopping Network, hawking religious trinkets and the hallucinogenic energy drink Ayahuaska. Or, maybe he didn't. His contract expires in 2012, But Snoory needs the cash and will probably Renew his contract for a signing bonus of a bologna sandwich.




Alex Jones is also listed.  That was a real treat.  Kudos to the guy who wrote that.

[b_dubb]

epic funny

[anomalies]

Totally respect and admire Linda.

Have you done anything in the paranormal field, guys? 

[someguy]

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!


And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

[MV/Liberace!]

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!


And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

ROFL!! Classic!

[Stevenqbosell]

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!


And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

That's awesome! 

I dont even listen to Noory, but I'm Dlding that show now!

[MV/Liberace!]

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!


And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

That's awesome! 

I dont even listen to Noory, but I'm Dlding that show now!

Please post a clip of it here if u can. Would love to hear this shit.

[Stevenqbosell]

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!


And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

That's awesome! 

I dont even listen to Noory, but I'm Dlding that show now!

Please post a clip of it here if u can. Would love to hear this shit.

You KNOW it's coming - gimme 20 mins

[ringthane]

Totally respect and admire Linda.

Have you done anything in the paranormal field, guys?

:: raises hand ::

both paranormal research and paranormal publishing.

I don't subscribe to this line of reasoning tho -- politicians do it all the time -- men shouldn't vote on issues of female reproductive rights, non-military folks need not chirp in on military policy, etc.

I have no major issues with Linda's research. I think she does good field research, good investigative skills, but has an annoying habit of leading questions during eyewitness interviews.

My big hangup with LMH is her quivery, esophageal Kathryn Hepburn flutter. Listening to her for 3 hours gets annoying.

My 'experience' in the field doesn't make me any more qualified to slag on LMH. MV, please fetch the LMH ball gag...

[Stevenqbosell]

Snoorys suckage knows NO BOUNDS.

Thanks to Someguy for the info. Now that I know the context and mindset of the caller, this call is now 10 times better than originally heard on Sep. 10 2010.

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!

Enjoy.

[attachment deleted by admin]

[someguy]

Snoorys suckage knows NO BOUNDS.

Thanks to Someguy for the info. Now that I know the context and mindset of the caller, this call is now 10 times better than originally heard on Sep. 10 2010.

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!

Enjoy.

Take note of how often he talks over me, it was really tough to get anything out. Also the question about having a massive wardrobe. Noory is such a dork.

[HAL 9000]

Aha! Beat me by a few minutes - but you had a head start

Here is the attached mp3
of CoastGab's own "immortal Syd"
who is around 500 years old,
appearing on open lines
with The Snoron

see attached mp3:

[attachment deleted by admin]

[valdez]

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!  And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

Good job.  I'm pretty sure there's an ongoing contest around here for folks who pull that sort of stuff off with old George.  No prize, just kudos, admiration, and a Klingon opera will be written your memory.

[someguy]

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!  And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

Good job.  I'm pretty sure there's an ongoing contest around here for folks who pull that sort of stuff off with old George.  No prize, just kudos, admiration, and a Klingon opera will be written your memory.

I knew I kept this account around for some reason. A Klingon opera sounds dope as long as I don't have to eat a bowl of maggots or whatever. GOSH! :]


But yeah, I thought I'd pull some megabullshit off. Rather more entertaining than fucking rancid cat ladies yammering for 10 minutes.

[b_dubb]

But yeah, I thought I'd pull some megabullshit off. Rather more entertaining than fucking rancid cat ladies yammering for 10 minutes.

you work in a vet's office?

[someguy]

But yeah, I thought I'd pull some megabullshit off. Rather more entertaining than fucking rancid cat ladies yammering for 10 minutes.

you work in a vet's office?

No I just listen to friday night open lines sometimes. :]

[MV/Liberace!]

But yeah, I thought I'd pull some megabullshit off. Rather more entertaining than fucking rancid cat ladies yammering for 10 minutes.

you work in a vet's office?

No I just listen to friday night open lines sometimes. :]

[valdez]

    Good show last night.  Seth Shostak of SETI is always a pleasant fellow and a good guest in spite of George's idiocy ("If they contact us, will they tell us to build a ship, like in the movie?").  I expected lameness from L.A. Marzulli, but he turned out to be cool, mostly talking about bible stuff and he gave an interesting rundown on the birth of Christ, the magi, Herod, and the star of Bethlehem (or BethleMEM as pronounced by el baffuno Noory).  George kept trying to get him to mix aliens into the scripture, but Marzulli wasn't going for it.  Strangely enough, he also seemed to be knocking the Ancient Aliens show as one sided, even though he has contributed to the program.
     If all that is being said about Art is true, how long before Noory has to deal with it on the air?  How can he get the words out of his mouth that Art wants nothing to do with what has become of c2c?  Is it possible that he'll do his usual "stalin" thing and never deal with it?  Never field a call on it?  We shall see.

[ringthane]

I liked LA Marzulli as well. And of course, Noory's terrible interviewing skills were on full display. It was a perfect example of typical George.

At one point, LA was talking about the birth of the Christ... it's a little too complicated to describe all the various dots LA was connecting, but the main theme here was the birth of Christ.

George gushes "COULD IT BE DEMONIC???"

He uses his typical part surprised, part revelatory intake of breath, part I just fucking saw the bride of Dracula drinking from a truckstop urinal.

The guest and I both have a what the FUCK moment, but LA doesn't miss a beat and replies  "what... the birth of Christ, demonic? The magis discovering him? Herod wanting to kill him?" (this is paraphrased)

And George gets flustered and does his typical well, you know, the angels and ufos and the nephilim and people claim and blah blah blah.

I knew immediately what George meant, but he's such a dumbass and makes the wrong tangential jumps in thought at the wrong moment. The guy just flat out can't handle specificity in a line of questioning. He reaches for these big generalized queries that are supposed to impress all the mouth breathers out there that think C2C is still relevant and informative.

Ian would've hit this interview out of the park. Noory did his usual nose picking and eating crayons.

[Marc.Knight]

Sucking, throughout history...

[b_dubb]

watching the DVD extras for LOST. they include a fake paranormal tv show from the 80's called Mysteries of the Universe. Very cool. much better than the ending for that show

[conscious comic]

some kid called in and claimed he was 500 years old.  What would it hurt George to grill the little liar and show him for what he was?  George was enthralled and, after the call he said he believed him.  Really?  You got a call from someone you believed was 500 years old and you couldn't give him more than five minutes?

Hah! I just logged into my account to let everyone here know that was me. I pulled everything out of my ass on the spur of the moment, and I had to cover the phone to keep from laughing because he was eating it right up. I was also doing shots with some friends during the call. Man that was fun!


And just to let everyone know, I would never have done that with Art Bell. Listening to Art Bell was an adventure every night.

That's awesome! 

I dont even listen to Noory, but I'm Dlding that show now!

Please post a clip of it here if u can. Would love to hear this shit.

Kudos! Gonna give you a listen soon 'Kiddo' - if we can all do this, it won't be long before open line callers will mysteriously disappear from the archived shows...like Nixon's missing minutes of tape, it'll be like "Hey!!! what happened to the 500 year old kid, his call has been erased from the show!!!" OR GN will get on the air to sadly announce that "due to some bad spirited, negative people who are RUINING it for EVERYONE we can no longer have open lines." Can't you just hear him ruining it for everyone because he is SFS?

[KMKMKM]

Some lady called in and repeated a story she had told Ian a few months ago about a serial killer at her door.  Weird.

What was that about? That actually sounds interesting

She's trying to sleep.  Her dog keeps barking and acting stranger that it has ever done before.  It freaks her out.  Finally the dog shuts up and sleeps with her.  In the morning she finds a knife outside her patio door (first floor apartment) and she believes it belonged to a serial killer that was trying to enter her house that night.  An interesting story, but is she also gonna call Knapp about it too?  I'm over it already.

god that pisses me off.  I remember that was a really interesting story the first time I heard it, but now I hate the lady for thinking it was interesting enough to tell twice on a show with millions of listeners.

[b_dubb]

does SFS stand for So F'ing Shit?