Wondering if anyone else had been through this

[ponyboysunset]

Hello all,

I am curious if anyone else on this board has been through this. My gf dumped this weekend out of the blue. Two weeks ago she was telling all of our friends we were going to marry. She called me her soul mate and angel and said she had never felt this way about anyone. As recent as two weeks ago she was saying all this. Now you should know she is an alcoholic and I am on recovery. We started to fight about her drinking. She was going to work drunk as she has gotten laid off. She was driving me around in a car with open alcohol and the only way I found out was that I asked for a sip of her juice and she said I couldn't have any as she knows I don't drink. Anyway fast forward we were supposed to go on vacation together a week from tomorrow. She went up north to visit her Mom and get supplies. She was sober two days and broke it off with me via text after I questioned her not returning my text or saying I love you anymore. When I called and asked why she said I don't love you anymore and do not think I ever did. My question to all of you is how can someone switch gears so fast? You bellgabbers are smart, maybe there is something I am missing. I am devastated. I believed her and basically was cast aside like the last two months never happened. She pushed for us to live together not me. Thanks all.

[HorrorReporter]

Hello all,

I am curious if anyone else on this board has been through this. My gf dumped this weekend out of the blue. Two weeks ago she was telling all of our friends we were going to marry. She called me her soul mate and angel and said she had never felt this way about anyone. As recent as two weeks ago she was saying all this. Now you should know she is an alcoholic and I am on recovery. We started to fight about her drinking. She was going to work drunk as she has gotten laid off. She was driving me around in a car with open alcohol and the only way I found out was that I asked for a sip of her juice and she said I couldn't have any as she knows I don't drink. Anyway fast forward we were supposed to go on vacation together a week from tomorrow. She went up north to visit her Mom and get supplies. She was sober two days and broke it off with me via text after I questioned her not returning my text or saying I love you anymore. When I called and asked why she said I don't love you anymore and do not think I ever did. My question to all of you is how can someone switch gears so fast? You bellgabbers are smart, maybe there is something I am missing. I am devastated. I believed her and basically was cast aside like the last two months never happened. She pushed for us to live together not me. Thanks all.

Yes.. been in this situation as well. I also was one that did it to someone else--when I did it, I was trying to make the relationship work even though I knew it never would. I felt that by saying all of the positive things it would create a good dynamic, but it did not.
This is difficult, and when it happens to you, it's rough.
You will be okay...Immerse yourself in busy things over the next few days to cope.

On the subject of why?
I think it's all science. Brain issues.. maybe even mental disturbances if someone can switch gears swiftly.

[onan]

Hello all,

I am curious if anyone else on this board has been through this. My gf dumped this weekend out of the blue. Two weeks ago she was telling all of our friends we were going to marry. She called me her soul mate and angel and said she had never felt this way about anyone. As recent as two weeks ago she was saying all this. Now you should know she is an alcoholic and I am on recovery. We started to fight about her drinking. She was going to work drunk as she has gotten laid off. She was driving me around in a car with open alcohol and the only way I found out was that I asked for a sip of her juice and she said I couldn't have any as she knows I don't drink. Anyway fast forward we were supposed to go on vacation together a week from tomorrow. She went up north to visit her Mom and get supplies. She was sober two days and broke it off with me via text after I questioned her not returning my text or saying I love you anymore. When I called and asked why she said I don't love you anymore and do not think I ever did. My question to all of you is how can someone switch gears so fast? You bellgabbers are smart, maybe there is something I am missing. I am devastated. I believed her and basically was cast aside like the last two months never happened. She pushed for us to live together not me. Thanks all.

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Limerence-The-Experience-Being/dp/0812862864

Love and Limerance Best book ever written on the subject of infatuation, love, and forming relationships.

And yes, I am certain you are devastated. I wish I had a magic wand to wave. I do not. I do know you are more than strong enough to get past this. I know this sounds trite, but try to love yourself more than you thought you loved her.

[ponyboysunset]

Thank you so much. I just feel at such a loss. And she was part of my everyday life. We live five minutes apart. It just all sucks. Normally I am not so personal but I just wondered.

[ponyboysunset]

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Limerence-The-Experience-Being/dp/0812862864

Love and Limerance Best book ever written on the subject of infatuation, love, and forming relationships.

Thank you Onan.

[onan]

Thank you so much. I just feel at such a loss. And she was part of my everyday life. We live five minutes apart. It just all sucks. Normally I am not so personal but I just wondered.

Yeah, it is a sucky time. I can't do more than tell you, that many of us here do care. Distance however makes it difficult for more than a few words of support. I believe you will get over this and find a much better place to be.

[ponyboysunset]

Thanks all. Knowing I am not alone helps. And actually after Friday when it happened I have pretty much been going about life. I am getting ready to go swim in a few. Did my normal stuff. What I cannot do is argue with any thoughts of going back. Hell if someone doesn't love you they don't. She also suffers from depression and is diagnosed for it and has medication but due to the amount of drinking it had pretty much stopped working.

[ItsOver]

Thanks all. Knowing I am not alone helps. And actually after Friday when it happened I have pretty much been going about life. I am getting ready to go swim in a few. Did my normal stuff. What I cannot do is argue with any thoughts of going back. Hell if someone doesn't love you they don't. She also suffers from depression and is diagnosed for it and has medication but due to the amount of drinking it had pretty much stopped working.

Yeah, I've been there.  It sucks but hang in there and try to keep your mind off it by keeping busy.  Listen to LOT's of Art.  Art heals all wounds. 

[SredniVashtar]

I'm sure some people will disagree, but when you are involved with someone who is dependent on alcohol, I wonder whether you really 'know' them at all. They can be wonderful one minute, when you realize why you loved them in the first place, and then you see someone who is almost a different person who treats you like you were a kind of enemy. That's not to say that everyone who is an alcoholic behaves the same way, but that's the side I have seen and it is frustrating, scary and confusing. And probably a lot of other things besides.

[chefist]

Sorry to hear that. IMO sounds like your sobriety threatened her continued adictive use of alcohol. Hopefully help will come into her life and she can find peace and stop drinking.

[littlechris]

Hello all,

I am curious if anyone else on this board has been through this. My gf dumped this weekend out of the blue. Two weeks ago she was telling all of our friends we were going to marry. She called me her soul mate and angel and said she had never felt this way about anyone. As recent as two weeks ago she was saying all this. Now you should know she is an alcoholic and I am on recovery. We started to fight about her drinking. She was going to work drunk as she has gotten laid off. She was driving me around in a car with open alcohol and the only way I found out was that I asked for a sip of her juice and she said I couldn't have any as she knows I don't drink. Anyway fast forward we were supposed to go on vacation together a week from tomorrow. She went up north to visit her Mom and get supplies. She was sober two days and broke it off with me via text after I questioned her not returning my text or saying I love you anymore. When I called and asked why she said I don't love you anymore and do not think I ever did. My question to all of you is how can someone switch gears so fast? You bellgabbers are smart, maybe there is something I am missing. I am devastated. I believed her and basically was cast aside like the last two months never happened. She pushed for us to live together not me. Thanks all.

Hi ponyboysunset,

Sorry for your loss.

Been there done that, we all have.  She'll be calling you soon. Of course it's up to you if you choose to be with her and possibly risk your own sobriety. She's nothing but bad news. When she calls, don't pick up the phone. Are you strong enough to resist?

-

[Ms. C]

Hi ponyboysunset,

Sorry for your loss.

Been there done that, we all have.  She'll be calling you soon. Of course it's up to you if you choose to be with her and possibly risk your own sobriety. She's nothing but bad news. When she calls, don't pick up the phone. Are you strong enough to resist?

This sounds like a repeat of what we were chatting yesterday PBS ... whether you choose to take that call or not; you are so strong in your quest with Sobriety ... you win hands down! 

You are now going through grieving the 'death' of this relationship, allow the steps and feelings  ... but also remember the good times and journal them out ... you're a writer ... let some of the feelings flow through you this way (both the good and bad, the ups and downs you experienced)!

We are all here for you ... I am sending some extra white light healing energy to you right now, my friend.

[pyewacket]

PBS- I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't want to repeat all the good advice posted because I think they've covered it. You are working hard in your own recovery, developing your writing skills, and making a real effort to help yourself. She may have decided that she doesn't want to match your efforts. It's easier to keep old destructive habits than it is to overcome them. If this is the case, she actually did you a favor. When I think back of some relationships that devastated me, I am so grateful that they didn't work out. I was spared far more pain than I experience in breaking up. She is the only one who can decide what direction her life takes. You will find the strength to keep going through the people who care about you, your writing, work and other activities. I hope you find the peace and comfort to lessen your pain and guide you.
   
   

[West of the Rockies]

Hi, PBS...  You have my sympathy.  I went through something vaguely similar.  Sounds to me like a touch of Borderline Personality Disorder, the moodswings and wicked brew of issues.  Onan would know better (as a mental health professional).  But diagnosis is less comsequential than healing for you.  You've received solid advice here.  Stay busy.  Tap your social/familial support system.  Expects a few bad days that you must tough out.  Tackle a creatuve project--it helps you tap into your best parts.

Best wishes!

[starrmtn001]

Hi ponyboysunset.  My heart goes out to you, pbs, and I'm sending healing energy to you for a speedy and complete recovery.
I'd like to echo Ms. C's post, especially the part about using the experience to your benefit as a writer.  I can see where there can be a blessing in disguise for you, both as a writer and a person.

Having lived with an alcoholic, I can honestly tell you that it is a blessing for you that she left.  Alcoholics are energy vampires that drain you emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.  These are energies that  can be better utilized in your quest to become a recognized author.  In fact, this experience may be the very gift that launches you on the road to success!

You're a BellGab Family Member and we're here for you.

[gnooryblows]

women change like the breeze and have no sense of loyalty. look at what happened when the nazis invaded nations, they killed the men or imprisoned them and married the women and none of them batted an eye.

in reality, throughout history women have been treated as property at the hands of men. an invading army invades, kills off the indigenous male population, and then rapes or takes the women for themselves. if a bloodline is going to survive it has to be able to adapt to those sort of biological pressures.

also people are just whores who want to have sex with as many people as they can.

if you think something different from this then you watch too many movies where the sappy notion of 1 on 1, monogamous romantic love soul-mates are being sold to you.

basically, its in her genes to be flippy floppy, flaky, easy-come-easy-go and there's nothing you can do about it other than learn that you don't really need women for anything and they really just bitch and moan, take your money, your stuff and slow you down.

now is the best time of your life. now is the time when you can truly be autonomous, independent and self-fulfilling if you choose to see reality how it is rather than sugar-coat it and go back to sleep into your pop culture induced dreams of romanticism.

[UnscreenedCaller]

I'm so sorry PBS. You didn't and don't deserve to be treated like that.

My childhood friend was an alcoholic. We both drank as teens but in our twenties, she veered off into binge drinking and when she was drunk, she was a nasty drunk. Soon, she became a nasty sober person as well. It seemed as though her cruelty was leveled at me personally for reasons I can only guess, but it hurt deeply. We'd been friends since first grade. Eventually, we had a blow up and never spoke again. I saw her several years later. We looked at each other and I walked right past her and didn't look back.

There is something about alcoholism that brings out the worst in some. The thing to remember is it's coming from her, and not you. Don't ever let yourself believe for one minute anything cruel that comes out of someone's mouth when they're drunk. You are sober and that is the only thing that matters. You have tremendous inner strength to get this far. And you have people who care about you. Take this experience like Ms C said and transform it for your writing but don't let it pierce you inside.

[gnooryblows]

women change like the breeze and have no sense of loyalty. look at what happened when the nazis invaded nations, they killed the men or imprisoned them and married the women and none of them batted an eye.

in reality, throughout history women have been treated as property at the hands of men. an invading army invades, kills off the indigenous male population, and then rapes or takes the women for themselves. if a bloodline is going to survive it has to be able to adapt to those sort of biological pressures.

also people are just whores who want to have sex with as many people as they can.

if you think something different from this then you watch too many movies where the sappy notion of 1 on 1, monogamous romantic love soul-mates are being sold to you.

basically, its in her genes to be flippy floppy, flaky, easy-come-easy-go and there's nothing you can do about it other than learn that you don't really need women for anything and they really just bitch and moan, take your money, your stuff and slow you down.

now is the best time of your life. now is the time when you can truly be autonomous, independent and self-fulfilling if you choose to see reality how it is rather than sugar-coat it and go back to sleep into your pop culture induced dreams of romanticism.

and if any of you don't believe me about the nazis, here is a daily male article.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2044614/Sex-stormtroopers-How-French-women-fell-Nazi-invaders-Second-World-War.html

Despite more than two million Frenchmen being held in prisoner-of-war camps, the birth rate boomed in 1942 with an estimated 200,000 children born to Franco-German couples. Up to 30 per cent of births were illegitimate in some parts of Paris.

[PB the Deplorable]

Hi PBS.  I'd heard you on Bella-haven and saw a post or two here and there talking about her and I was happy for you.  Sorry to hear about this, I think nearly everyone has been through something similar at some point.  It's amazing how much it hurts

In my experience when someone seemingly changes gears so quickly, it's because they've been thinking about it for awhile.  Not that that's helpful to you right now.

This probably isn't what you want to hear right now either, but you deserve better than what you've described today.  Someone suffering from depression, an alcoholic who is to the point of being fired for going to work drunk and drives around intoxicated... you - or anyone - deserves a functioning partner, not someone to 'save'.  When you get past this - and you will - I hope you find someone who is already who you want them to be, not someone to fix.  Because trust me that doesn't work and ends badly

[starrmtn001]

women change like the breeze and have no sense of loyalty. look at what happened when the nazis invaded nations, they killed the men or imprisoned them and married the women and none of them batted an eye.

Misogynistic little shit, aren't you?  Yep!  Did you even take time to wonder what could/would happen to the woman's family, especially her children, if she did "bat an eye???"  Yeah.  Didn't think so.

Ignore this toad PBS, he does not have your best interest at heart.

[PB the Deplorable]

... Despite more than two million Frenchmen being held in prisoner-of-war camps, the birth rate boomed in 1942 with an estimated 200,000 children born to Franco-German couples. Up to 30 per cent of births were illegitimate in some parts of Paris.

This takes the phenomenon of ignoring the nice guys and chasing after the bad boys to the next level..

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Hi PBS.  For what it's worth, women have left me feeling like I was hit by a double long tractor-trailer on more than one occasion and it has literally been days before I could even function again.  I can't speak to the experiences of a woman with a man or a woman with another woman, but I think it's pretty common for the partners of many women to be left bewildered about an unexpected turn in the relationship.  I hope I don't offend, but I find some women are susceptible to taking whatever they feel in the moment as a universal truth for themselves and expressing it as such, but then contradicting it days later when their circumstances change without ever seeing it as a contradiction.

I know how much it has hurt for me and I have never been so deep into a relationship when experiencing such a sudden turn.  I am sorry for what you are going through.  Maybe she'll come around.

[ponyboysunset]

Reading all of this had been helpful. I don't intend on posting about such personal things often but when something like this happens you want to feel less alone. What is still the hardest is two days before the break up she still told me she loved me. It is wild to me. I think it is a combination of the drinking out weighing the meds along with her mental problems. I need to quit trying to figure it out. Thanks again. Staying busy. Everyone keeps telling me she will be back. I hope she does not return. 

[Yorkshire pud]

Reading all of this had been helpful. I don't intend on posting about such personal things often but when something like this happens you want to feel less alone. What is still the hardest is two days before the break up she still told me she loved me. It is wild to me. I think it is a combination of the drinking out weighing the meds along with her mental problems. I need to quit trying to figure it out. Thanks again. Staying busy. Everyone keeps telling me she will be back. I hope she does not return.

It's never easy to be in your position. I haven't been a partner to an alcoholic, but I'm told by those who are/have been, it can be a very very difficult relationship. All addicts are selfish. It's just the way it is. You'll hurt and you'll be angry, bewildered and lost, but you will get better and move on and find someone who isn't loving a crutch, but loves themselves and you for the right reasons. 

[FightTheFuture]

Hello all,

I am curious if anyone else on this board has been through this. My gf dumped this weekend out of the blue. Two weeks ago she was telling all of our friends we were going to marry. She called me her soul mate and angel and said she had never felt this way about anyone. As recent as two weeks ago she was saying all this. Now you should know she is an alcoholic and I am on recovery. We started to fight about her drinking. She was going to work drunk as she has gotten laid off. She was driving me around in a car with open alcohol and the only way I found out was that I asked for a sip of her juice and she said I couldn't have any as she knows I don't drink. Anyway fast forward we were supposed to go on vacation together a week from tomorrow. She went up north to visit her Mom and get supplies. She was sober two days and broke it off with me via text after I questioned her not returning my text or saying I love you anymore. When I called and asked why she said I don't love you anymore and do not think I ever did. My question to all of you is how can someone switch gears so fast? You bellgabbers are smart, maybe there is something I am missing. I am devastated. I believed her and basically was cast aside like the last two months never happened. She pushed for us to live together not me. Thanks all.

Hey, brother

I`m truly sorry you find yourself in this predicament. Heartbreak is terribly difficult to deal with. However, you must understand that substance abuse clouds the mind. Your g/f was probably incapable of making longterm rational decisions. I know this, because I`ve been there. I was a HORRID substance abuser at one time in my life; heroin, cocaine, and others. Drug and alcohol abuse renders the brain`s  decision making process practically defective.

Brother, there`s no easy answer. If you sincerely love this girl, then you must do everything in your power to see that she gets the necessary care in order to rid herself of these destructive addictions. She may never be what you want her to be, but love should be unconditional. If you love her, try to help her.

I certainly wish you well.

[Yorkshire pud]

Hey, brother

I`m truly sorry you find yourself in this predicament. Heartbreak is terribly difficult to deal with. However, you must understand that substance abuse clouds the mind. Your g/f was probably incapable of making longterm rational decisions. I know this, because I`ve been there. I was a HORRID substance abuser at one time in my life; heroin, cocaine, and others. Drug and alcohol abuse renders the brain`s  decision making process practically defective.

Brother, there`s no easy answer. If you sincerely love this girl, then you must do everything in your power to see that she gets the necessary care in order to rid herself of these destructive addictions. She may never be what you want her to be, but love should be unconditional. If you love her, try to help her.

I certainly wish you well.

Ermmmmmm 

[starrmtn001]

Reading all of this had been helpful. I don't intend on posting about such personal things often but when something like this happens you want to feel less alone. What is still the hardest is two days before the break up she still told me she loved me. It is wild to me. I think it is a combination of the drinking out weighing the meds along with her mental problems. I need to quit trying to figure it out. Thanks again. Staying busy. Everyone keeps telling me she will be back. I hope she does not return.

[UnscreenedCaller]

Reading all of this had been helpful. I don't intend on posting about such personal things often but when something like this happens you want to feel less alone. What is still the hardest is two days before the break up she still told me she loved me. It is wild to me. I think it is a combination of the drinking out weighing the meds along with her mental problems. I need to quit trying to figure it out. Thanks again. Staying busy. Everyone keeps telling me she will be back. I hope she does not return.

You aren't alone. Everyone's pretty much been through situations like this and it hurts one whole hell of a lot. You deserve someone in your life who genuinely loves you and whom you love in return, nothing less, and it'll come. And you do have friends here, lots of them.

[gnooryblows]

Misogynistic little shit, aren't you?  Yep!  Did you even take time to wonder what could/would happen to the woman's family, especially her children, if she did "bat an eye???"  Yeah.  Didn't think so.

Ignore this toad PBS, he does not have your best interest at heart.

Well since misogyny is defined as the hatred of women, im pretty interested in where you see me say that I have that toward women. You describe the properties of fire objectively (burns you, keeps you warm, ruins your house if you don't control it) without ascribing emotions to any of those qualities. If you burn your hand on fire, you generally don't developed "hatred" of fire, but you do recognize that it burns.

But more importantly, literally any serious feminist would call what you are saying misogynistic. Your (implied) notion that women are sex-drive-less, loyal, man-serving creatures who will love another individual when it is not in their best interest is a major issue of modern day feminism. So you can put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Wake up, old man, you are out of date. Move over, this is the new stuff. These days people are starting to wake up and face reality for what it is. No more of your shitty old fashioned "misogynistic" values of loyalty and devotion.

OP needs to wake the fuck up and realize he has been granted the gift of freedom and autonomy and that his woman was a whore because it is a woman's nature to be a whore.

You think its misogynistic? Go down to a Slutwalk and tell the feminists there that women are not whores, or thst they should be devotrd to a man, they will fuckin hang you bro.

Apologies for any bad grammatical errors that may have been in there, I am on my phone.

Edit - also, im not a fuckin feminist by any means, just saying that you are a fuckin retard and if you want to white knight for these people they wouldn't even appreciate it anyhow.

[Yorkshire pud]

Well since misogyny is defined as the hatred of women, im pretty interested in where you see me say that I have that toward women. You describe the properties of fire objectively (burns you, keeps you warm, ruins your house if you don't control it) without ascribing emotions to any of those qualities. If you burn your hand on fire, you generally don't developed "hatred" of fire, but you do recognize that it burns.

But more importantly, literally any serious feminist would call what you are saying misogynistic. Your (implied) notion that women are sex-drive-less, loyal, man-serving creatures who will love another individual when it is not in their best interest is a major issue of modern day feminism. So you can put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Wake up, old man, you are out of date. Move over, this is the new stuff. These days people are starting to wake up and face reality for what it is. No more of your shitty old fashioned "misogynistic" values of loyalty and devotion.

OP needs to wake the fuck up and realize he has been granted the gift of freedom and autonomy and that his woman was a whore because it is a woman's nature to be a whore.

You think its misogynistic? Go down to a Slutwalk and tell the feminists there that women are not whores, or thst they should be devotrd to a man, they will fuckin hang you bro.

Apologies for any bad grammatical errors that may have been in there, I am on my phone.

You sort of hang by your own petard; PBS is a woman.  :


After that your rant is pointless and based on nothing more than your fetid imagination, although I'm sure you have kindred spirits with Senda and QK.