George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[fotd]

Caller:  is a Bigfoot sentinel?
George: sentinel?

jbfc, does George and the guest not know the guy was trying to say sentient?

[yoego]

Bigfoot... what a fresh innovative topic, who would have ever thought of such a thing. I bet detective george will get to the bottom of it, if the Man in the Yellow Hat doesn't come scoop him up and take him back to his cage.

[Major Ed Damien]

"Something seldom talked about -- pilots who see Bigfoot."

When the hell did Bigfoots get flying licenses?

[Juan Cena]

Caller:  is a Bigfoot sentinel?
George: sentinel?

jbfc, does George and the guest not know the guy was trying to say sentient?

Probably not.  : The idea of Bigfoot being some kind of sentinel or guardian has been thrown around before, I think.

[Major Ed Damien]

If you want to laugh, just substitute the word "Nutsack" every time you read or hear "Bigfoot."

"Quite a few campers have seen Nutsack in the southern Arkansas area."

[Major Ed Damien]

Bigfoot... what a fresh innovative topic, who would have ever thought of such a thing. I bet detective george will get to the bottom of it, if the Man in the Yellow Hat doesn't come scoop him up and take him back to his cage.

Hahahahaha

That Man in the Yellow Hat.  Goddamn, did he put up with one mess after another.

George would try his patience, though, and he'd end up in a yellow straitjacket.

[Juan Cena]

"Something seldom talked about -- pilots who see Bigfoot."

When the hell did Bigfoots get flying licenses?

Next question...

[yoego]

I don't know how long I can take it I'd almost rather hear somebody put their finger across their lips and jiggle up and down going blah blah blah blah blah.

If you want to laugh, just substitute the word "Nutsack" every time you read or hear "Bigfoot."

"Quite a few campers have seen Nutsack in the southern Arkansas area."

this might help

[Major Ed Damien]

I predict that Linda Molding Howe will report sleeping with a Bigfoot before her illustrious career is finished.

"Let's just say, George, he was 'well-equipped' in his lower forested region."

[yoego]

Next question...

we have a winner! Juan Cena! You win a lifetime supply of GNS!

[Major Ed Damien]

I feel it's not really a decent Bigfoot segment unless a big-rig trucker calls in with a Bigfoot story.

"Big-rig" and "Bigfoot" just go together -- like turkey and dressing.

[yoego]

I predict that Linda Molding Howe will report sleeping with a Bigfoot before her illustrious career is finished.

"Let's just say, George, he was 'well-equipped' in his lower forested region."

let's just hope she doesn't play the tape.

[Juan Cena]

 Ruh-Roh! Did Snorge just say Linda was going to discuss the JFK assassination?

"Could the shooter on the Grassy Knoll have escaped through a portal?"

"Could Lee Harvey Oswald have been a fallen angel?"

[yoego]

Caller:  is a Bigfoot sentinel?
George: sentinel?

jbfc, does George and the guest not know the guy was trying to say sentient?

it takes sentience to know sentient. Fini.

[Major Ed Damien]

Linda's JFK revelation:

Jack Ruby ran an idea by the mob for a Dallas steakhouse with "exotic" dancers called Cattle Strippers.

[yoego]

"What the heck is going on with cattle mutilations?  Don't they issue cows surgical licenses?"

I think Gary Larson creator of The Far Side is behind all of it, he always seemed to have his finger on the pulse of bovine culture.

[Major Ed Damien]

George:  "What's new, Linda?  Or should I say, 'What's moo?'"

"Heh, heh, heh."

[Major Ed Damien]

I'd give anything -- anything -- for Linda Molding to say just once, JUST ONCE:

"And that's no bull, George."

She can't, though, because it is.

[Major Ed Damien]

I wish old nude pics of Linda would appear in Hustler like Dr. Laura's did.

Dr. Laura had a Sasquatch crotch from the 70's.

I'm sure Linda had his twin down there.

[zeebo]

Caller:  is a Bigfoot sentinel?
George: sentinel?

George may have been working out if it was Bigfoot's 100th birthday (centennial).

[Major Ed Damien]

I'm sorry, Linda, but "loud boomings" are just plain ol' fucking boring.

Let's get on to the cattle guts before you put us all to sleep.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

I'm sorry Linda but " loud boomings" are just plain ol' fucking boring.

Let's get on to the cattle guts before you put us all to sleep.

They're drilling shadow government maglev vacuum train tunnels, they are, they are.  I's tells ya.

Yep.

[Major Ed Damien]

Things George may be doing during Linda's "conversations:"

A.  Clipping his toenails.

B.  Beating a plastic baby doll with one of its unplugged arms.

C.  Gasping at a photo of two clowns using a Ouija board.

D.  Having a few shots of Arak -- an extremely high-proof brandy from Lebanon.

E.  Snoring.

[WallyBert]

Ruh-Roh! Did Snorge just say Linda was going to discuss the JFK assassination?

"Could the shooter on the Grassy Knoll have escaped through a portal?"

"Could Lee Harvey Oswald have been a fallen angel?"

"Linda...those autopsy photo's of JFK...They look like your cattle mutilation photo's... Do you think aliens might have been involved in the assasination??"

[zeebo]

You guys ever notice how when George tries to chit-chat with LMH she just steamrolls over him and cuts to the interview tapes?  She does not like talking with the guy.  She's probably afraid he'll make same lame romantic innuendo like he does with C.A. Fitts.

[Major Ed Damien]

You guys ever notice how when George tries to chit-chat with LMH she just steamrolls over him and cuts to the interview tapes?  She does not like talking with the guy.  She's probably afraid he'll make same lame romantic innuendo like he does with C.A. Fitts.

Yeah, I definitely get the idea that Linda would sleep with either Bigfoot or an alien cattle butcher before she'd even let George touch her.

[Major Ed Damien]

These goddamned unexplained boomings.  They frighten me.  I think it's the end of the world.

And don't get me started on these cattle carvings.

[Major Ed Damien]

I wonder when Stanford -- Linda Molding's alma mater -- is going to award her an honorary degree.

"For her ground-breaking research in alien cattle butchery and loud, unexplained boomings, we present this honorary doctorate."

I guess that'll happen when Stephen King wins the Nobel Prize in literature.

[yoego]

You guys ever notice how when George tries to chit-chat with LMH she just steamrolls over him and cuts to the interview tapes?  She does not like talking with the guy.  She's probably afraid he'll make same lame romantic innuendo like he does with C.A. Fitts.

Linda's a smooth operator... if George came on to her, I bet she would give him a roofie and then run out the back door to a waiting cab... after she collected some compromising pictures with the local gigolo community... for blackmail to make him keep his mouth shut. I bet she'd get a mysterious raise quite quickly.

[Major Ed Damien]

I think it's gonna turn out that Oswald was an alien patsy, Jack Ruby was an alien hit man, and Jackie was really an Anunnaki Jackie.