If you were a tyrant, what would you ban?

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Fine, I'm just going to start my own kingdom with the 24 hour Olympic curling network, and banjos, and train horns, and fat chicks, and fat chicks playing banjos on trains, and bans on second hand cigarette and pot smoke.

I'm going to ban planes though.  No planes and helicopters flying just above tree top level over my yard all hours of the day and night.  No freaking student pilots practicing stalls, turns, engine restarts, and flybys for an hour straight over my house while I'm trying to sleep in after a late night.  In fact forget the sober fat chicks with breast implants playing banjos while pulling the Canadian Women's Curling Team around behind the Royal Hudson steam locomotive.  Just get rid of those damned planes.

[zeebo]

Mine's a long list ...

I came up with mine in like five minutes.  I guess I'm easily irritated.   :

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

I came up with mine in like five minutes.  I guess I'm easily irritated.   :

I've been working on mine most of my adult life.  I had to rent a storage locker for the printout.

Do we have a deal on that high ranking inner circle thing you mentioned?

[zeebo]

... Do we have a deal on that high ranking inner circle thing you mentioned?

Sure, you're in, as long as you have no problems enforcing my random tyrannical whims like only allowing five official hair cut styles and also everyone's middle name must now be "Maurice".

[Heather Wade]

I like your ESP idea and I would go a step farther, enacting mandatory 3-day weekends and Half-day Thursdays followed by weekly meetings in the coffee/keg/green rooms.  Also, naps will be strongly encouraged and included in the "no looking down allowed" policy.

Agreed.  El Jefe Zeebo, you're whole list is good.

I volunteer to organize and oversee those institutions.

You are appointed.   

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Sure, you're in, as long as you have no problems enforcing my random tyrannical whims like only allowing five official hair cut styles and also everyone's middle name must now be "Maurice".

I would change my name to Maurice M. Maurice and sport a rainbow mullet if it meant I could make Kardashians cry tears of unfathomable bitterness and sorrow every day.  Just don't call me "old woman," or I will foment revolution faster than you can crack an acorn.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Agreed.  El Jefe Zeebo, you're whole list is good.

You are appointed.   

Thank you!  You will not regret your decision.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Fat chicks.
Smoking chicks.
Double ban of fat chicks who smoke.

You must be confident that nobody would giggle and/or gag if you posted a recent picture of yourself in a bathing suit (in a relaxed pose--no tensing or flexing allowed).

[Bart Ell]

You must be confident that nobody would giggle and/or gag if you posted a recent picture of yourself in a bathing suit (in a relaxed pose--no tensing or flexing allowed).

Why would that be?

I would not ban my own double standards either.

[jazmunda]

Fat chicks.
Smoking chicks.
Double ban of fat chicks who smoke.

Do you object to smoking hot chick fat?

[bateman]

Fat chicks.
Smoking chicks.
Double ban of fat chicks who smoke.

Chicks who don't shave. There's been a worrying trend of trimming rather than shaving or waxing. I would sentence all of them to work in salt mines.

[Bart Ell]

Chicks who don't shave. There's been a worrying trend of trimming rather than shaving or waxing. I would sentence all of them to work in salt mines.

Sounds like you started dating over 25.
You got to keep them younger than 25 and under 124 pounds.
Why 124? Because 125 is some sort of portal into fattyville from which they never return.
My wife just turned 26 and I told her she is one missed blowie away from a one way ticket back to wherever in the Ukraine I imported her from.
You need rules, man.
You need rules.

[bateman]

Sounds like you started dating over 25.
You got to keep them younger than 25 and under 124 pounds.
Why 124? Because 125 is some sort of portal into fattyville from which they never return.
My wife just turned 26 and I told her she is one missed blowie away from a one way ticket back to wherever in the Ukraine I imported her from.
You need rules, man.
You need rules.

I've literally never hooked up with anyone older than 26.

[Bart Ell]

I've literally never hooked up with anyone older than 26.

Good man.
They will try to trick you.
They will tell you about the dirty thirties.
They will tell you to try and find one in her mid thirties and fresh out of a 20 year relationship who finally gets to explore.
Don't listen to them.
Stay the course.

[yumyumtree]

Is anyone getting that Dish TV ad think its a subliminal marijuana reference?

Off the top of my head, I would ban those fleecy pajama bottom things that many women seem to think are suitable street wear. They make sweat pants look classy.

Also those pegs and discs and things guys put in their earlobes. On what planet is that attractive? Also, people, some of your nose jewelry looks like snot at first glance.

[Foodlion]

Is anyone getting that Dish TV ad think its a subliminal marijuana reference?

Nope, but I'd like to see that.

[yumyumtree]

It's a Bellgab banner ad.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Chicks who don't shave. There's been a worrying trend of trimming rather than shaving or waxing. I would sentence all of them to work in salt mines.

Looks like there could be a power struggle here, but since that was bound to happen sooner or later for one stupid reason or another (after all, there can be just one tyrant at a time), it might as well start here.  I would ban any adult who goes full pre-pubescent.  Never go full pre-pubescent. Nipsey Russell got it exactly right on "Hollywood Squares" years ago when he quipped, "If you can grow it, it's okay to mow it, but please don't plow it under." 

Maurice Chevalier famously thanked Heaven for little girls, and we may never know if he ever owned a windowless, soundproofed van in which he committed acts of unspeakable depravity because he's been dead for over forty years and any sordid secrets he may have harbored died with him.  I prefer to thank Heaven for women who choose to celebrate their natural beauty in all its wondrous variations.

[Bart Ell]

Someone likes 'em musty.

[Gd5150]

Tats on chics. The only thing worse than a hot young girl ruining her body with skank tats is an old bat with faded tats. Stay at the truck stop ladies, you're not different if you have them. Tats were cool for about 5 seconds in the mid 90s.

[zeebo]

I prefer to thank Heaven for women who choose to celebrate their natural beauty in all its wondrous variations....

Ok so "landing strips" then?  I think we can all agree on that.  At least in my harem.  If I'm a tyrant, I do get a harem, right?

[yumyumtree]

Tats on chics. The only thing worse than a hot young girl ruining her body with skank tats is an old bat with faded tats. Stay at the truck stop ladies, you're not different if you have them. Tats were cool for about 5 seconds in the mid 90s.

You would hate the Pacific NW. I understand that people here have more ink than elsewhere. Frankly I can't imagine any more unless maybe it's tribesmen on some remote island someplace or something. I think that the piercings and weird  stuff they do to their hair is worse than the tats. Purple  hair on people over 25--now I would ban that for their own good.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

You would hate the Pacific NW. I understand that people here have more ink than elsewhere. Frankly I can't imagine any more unless maybe it's tribesmen on some remote island someplace or something. I think that the piercings and weird  stuff they do to their hair is worse than the tats. Purple  hair on people over 25--now I would ban that for their own good.

ohhhh.  I thought it was just normal.

[Unquenchable Angst]

tattoos on chicks
excess perforation of body parts.
long fingernails past or preventing function of the fingers past retrieving olives or serving smoked oysters.
59 oz. 'half-gallon cartons of fruit juice.
12 ounce 'pounds' of coffee
750 ML '5ths of whiskey.
6oz cups of yogurt rather than 8 oz
12 oz.'pints' of ice cream
Spandex ever warn as an outer garment especially on women past 124 pounds
Fat free Buttermilk.
Corn syrup used in everything
corn syrup instead of CANE sugar in sodas
MSG  and/or any misnamed substance that is MSG.
6 oz cheeses rather than 8 oz.
the use if cottonseed oil in anything 'edible'
heavy synthetic overwhelming perfumes in detergents and/or dryer strips that leave their stench set to ambush my laundry at a laundry mat
take the tax off rolling tobacco that raised the price of Drum tobacco from $10.50 to$24.50
any phone that does not have the quality and longevity  of the old Western Electric phones.
outlaw the booming bass in some peoples cars inside city limits.
release of any genetically modified organism in to 'nature'(note: if the organism is suggested in  tanks or some industrial scaled project such as  might be used in some GMO-ecoli for extraction of components for drugs or isolates in chemical processing sealed environments.NOT IN THE ENVIRONMENT< FIELDS< FORRESTS.
maritime and UTC based legal system totally abandoned and returned to 'common law'.
corporations no longer considered as legal 'persons'

[UnscreenedCaller]

hipsters
fedoras (see above)
cutesy names for wineries (see above)
overpriced microbrewed beer (see above)
orifice hair, i.e. nose and ear hair on the gents
JFK airport's skanky restrooms
long lines at the airport
hidden charges & fine print
buy one get one 50% off - it should be buy one, get one free, period.
parents who think it's cute to dress their 5 year old like Madonna on Halloween
lack of toilet paper in the City University of New York's women's restrooms after 4PM
people who clog up the interwebz
planes that fly over my house
Steven Moffat haters
the Islanders
pink slime in chopped meat
GM ignitions
all traffic on the Grand Central Parkway between 7 and 7.30 when I am commuting
garbage on the side of the road
Mickey Dee's
fat free anything

[wr250]

tax dodges by large corps .
these get ignored by the IRS , but the IRS will come down on one of us with the giant hammer for $20.

[zeebo]

Corn syrup used in everything
corn syrup instead of CANE sugar in sodas

Yes, and Yes!

[zeebo]

hidden charges & fine print

Definitely ban-worthy!  I would ban the use of multiple-size fonts in any advertising and/or legal agreements.

If you want to have FREE and NO MONEY DOWN and LOSE 40 POUNDS and NO INTEREST PAYMENTS and so on in huge font, then you also must have FOR THE FIRST SIX MONTHS ONLY THEN WE JACK UP TO 24.9% and DEPENDS ON CREDIT SCORE and EXPERIENCE NOT TYPICAL and ONLY WITH ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION etc. in the same font.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Ok so "landing strips" then?  I think we can all agree on that.  At least in my harem.  If I'm a tyrant, I do get a harem, right?

I'm down with landing strips.  And every tyrant needs a harem, because exerting complete societal control with an iron fist can be very stressful, so it's only natural that you'd want to unwind once in awhile.

[Gd5150]

Ban prescription only pharmaceutical advertising.
Ban lawyers from advertising.
Ban government student loans. If the university is so great it can issue its own loans for those in need of its wonderful content.
Legalize cigarette advertising, ban the sale and smoking of cigarettes.
Bring back "Light Beer from Miller ads"
Ban reality shows about spoiled unaccomplished so called rich people.
Ban stupid Samsung wireless ads for their lame cell phones that never add anything useful. And their annoying hipsters.