Any Good Jokes?

[Ciardelo]

Great Italian Sex

The Russian man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body with salo (pork fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for ten minutes!”

The Italian man said, “Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!”

The other two men were stunned.

The amazed Frenchman asked, “What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?”

The Italian said, “I wiped my hands on the bedspread.”

lol Yeah, and never use her curtains to wipe your privates off. ...live and learn... 

[aldousburbank]

The late, great Mitch Hedberg:

I used to do acid on occasion. When I used to do acid it was strange. I used to see things, like beams of light. And hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

[zeebo]

My fave Mitch line:  I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

[Dr. MD MD]

My fave Mitch line:  I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

People should always avoid jellyfish when swimming in the ocean...unless they're Smuckers jellyfish and then they're delicious. 

[Stellar]

How do you stop Trump from drinking the coolaid?

[Walks_At_Night]

How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heard

http://thelaughbutton.com/features/creators-airplane-pulled-off-one-funniest-jokes-weve-ever-heard/

[Swishypants]

...

https://youtu.be/A5nEKo1c0Zo

[Dr. MD MD]

faggot

[starrmtn001]

How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heard

http://thelaughbutton.com/features/creators-airplane-pulled-off-one-funniest-jokes-weve-ever-heard/

A little tongue in cheek?  Eh? :

[pyewacket]

[albrecht]

Great Italian Sex

The Russian man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body with salo (pork fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for ten minutes!”

The Italian man said, “Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!”

The other two men were stunned.

The amazed Frenchman asked, “What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?”

The Italian said, “I wiped my hands on the bedspread.”

An angel appeared to three men on a plane, a Frenchman, an Italian, and a Russian. "I'm sorry to tell you but you all are going to die tomorrow. I'm curious, how will you spend your last day?  "The Frenchman, a bit purturbed but resigned, "I will buy a bottle of the finest champagne and some formage and spend the night with my mistress."  The Italians replies "I will spend the afternoon with my mistress and then spend the evening with a fine meal with my wife and children."  The Russian replies "I will burn my neighbor's barn down."   



Another:A Russian fishing catches a remarkable fish who can talk! The fish asks him "let me go and I will grant you a wish, but there is a caveat." The Russian takes a swig of vodka and says "Da." He is wondering which treasures he should request from the fish.  Then, the fish explains that whatever the peasant wishes for and receives himself, his neighbor will receive double.  The Russian says, “Ok, then I want you to poke out one of my eyes.”