Singularly Unattractive Actresses/Actors.

[Eddie Coyle]

             Another thread inspired by MV's Jennifer Garner commentary(which I tend to agree with)

            I nominate the woman who looks like Mr Magoo biting into a lemon with a mouth full of Sour Patch Kids...Ellen Barkin. HOOFAH!    Can't watch anything with her in it.

            No picture provided because I just had dinner.

[ziznak]

lol "mr magoo biting into a lemon..." thats awesome.  Barkin and Renée Zellweger both have that similar scrunchy face syndrome... wonder what thats from?

[Eddie Coyle]

lol "mr magoo biting into a lemon..." thats awesome.  Barkin and Renée Zellweger both have that similar scrunchy face syndrome... wonder what thats from?

       Renee Z has that odd "Chinee Eye on white person" look, but I found her attractive when she was younger, appearing in dreck like Empire Records or Texas Chainsaw Next Generation(whatever) ...but she looks rather peculiar now.
           But "50 bagger" Ellen Barkin has repulsed me consistently. Even in those pubescent years where any nudity from an actress is welcomed...even then I said "ugh" and vomited for emphasis. The sex appeal of rotten eggs and colostomy bags.

[Sardondi]

"Scrunchy face" is a wonderful designation. And while I'm not sure about Zellweger, "scrunchy face" aptly describes Barkin's soul, going by her the venomous content of  recent gratuitous comments she made about conservatives, such as...

1)she wished conservatives would drown in Hurricane Isaac http://rantpolitical.com/2012/08/28/actress-ellen-barkin-wishes-conservatives-would-drown-in-hurricane-isaac/

2) implied that Clint Eastwood made a throat-slitting gesture during his GOP convention speech that meant he wanted Obama dead (I'm not making this stuff up), http://twitchy.com/2012/08/31/ellen-barkin-clint-eastwood-might-want-to-kill-barack-obama/

3) Tweeted (her favorite form of deep thought) that "I love everybody,..except u right wing f**kin morons" http://www.examiner.com/article/actress-ellen-barkin-expresses-hatred-for-conservatives-profane-tweets

4) Mocked conservative commentator Andrew Bretibart's death and falsely charged he died because of a cocaine overdose "Be strong! Every1knows Breitbart died from Peruvian Flu *snert* Wow really did not know that. Explains the crazy, (sic)", she tweeted in a message which grew increasingly unintelligible. http://www.examiner.com/article/ellen-barkin-continues-profane-hate-speech-mocks-andrew-breitbart-s-death?cid=rss 

That is one nasty woman.

[Zircon]

"Scrunchy face" is a wonderful designation. And while I'm not sure about Zellweger, "scrunchy face" aptly describes Barkin's soul, going by her the venomous content of  recent gratuitous comments she made about conservatives, such as...

1)she wished conservatives would drown in Hurricane Isaac http://rantpolitical.com/2012/08/28/actress-ellen-barkin-wishes-conservatives-would-drown-in-hurricane-isaac/

2) implied that Clint Eastwood made a throat-slitting gesture during his GOP convention speech that meant he wanted Obama dead (I'm not making this stuff up), http://twitchy.com/2012/08/31/ellen-barkin-clint-eastwood-might-want-to-kill-barack-obama/

3) Tweeted (her favorite form of deep thought) that "I love everybody,..except u right wing f**kin morons" http://www.examiner.com/article/actress-ellen-barkin-expresses-hatred-for-conservatives-profane-tweets

4) Mocked conservative commentator Andrew Bretibart's death and falsely charged he died because of a cocaine overdose "Be strong! Every1knows Breitbart died from Peruvian Flu *snert* Wow really did not know that. Explains the crazy, (sic)", she tweeted in a message which grew increasingly unintelligible. http://www.examiner.com/article/ellen-barkin-continues-profane-hate-speech-mocks-andrew-breitbart-s-death?cid=rss 

That is one nasty woman.

These are the kind of brain dead lumps of glitzy garbage that think they are going to be rewarded for their loyalty to the socialist cause. Cheerleaders of sorts. Don't they realize what happens to "useful idiots" once they've served their purpose? Stupid bastards.

[stevesh]

Stretching the actor/actress part - Michelle Obama. I don't find anything about the woman attractive, even her famous arms. Eight-inch forehead and Devil's eyebrows give me the willies.

[Sardondi]

Seth Rogen: not even his humor keeps me from feeling disgusted by him, even his voice makes me shudder. He wouldn't know a subtle or clever comedic situation if it farted in his face and hit him with a dildo.

John Goodman: OK, John, I certainly don't have a thing against big folk, and I love your characters, but you just gave up, man. About 15 years ago. Move away from NOLA for your own good. Yesterday.

Mickey Rourke: Are there no mirrors in his part of the world? As if he didn't look in a mirror 23 hours a day while getting to look that way. He took so much HGH and steroids that he deformed even his face until now it looks like one massive, cartilaginous cauliflower ear. The only guy in history who is gonna have to ask Burgess Meredith, "Cut me, Mick!" because his eyelids got too muscle-bound to see. Literally a freak.

Rosie O'Donnell: it's my own blind spot - a woman with a huge pot belly and tiny boobs. *shudder*

Sandra Bernhard: That crushed-in face, those snaggle teeth, they repel me so - I must have her.

Quentin Tarantino: Another ugly pushed in face, and a nasty attitude which says "I'm a total inhuman dick and don't care who knows that I loved having sex with animals growing up."

Steve Buscemi: I love him, I just wish he knew about checking thyroid levels.

Clint Howard: Ron's brother. How, man? Just, how? Nature can be cruel indeed.

Forest Whitaker: a simple matter of a little corrective surgery and that creepy droop eye is history, Idi.

Robert Benigni: Just stop jumping around and hold still for one second you disgusting ego-mad clown and the world will be free of your grotesque ham-fisted vaudeville-style schtick forever....

Wow, when I first saw this thread, I thought, "Gosh, this sounds a little mean."

Obviously I got over that.

[BigDave]

       Renee Z has that odd "Chinee Eye on white person" look, but I found her attractive when she was younger, appearing in dreck like Empire Records or Texas Chainsaw Next Generation(whatever) ...but she looks rather peculiar now.
           But "50 bagger" Ellen Barkin has repulsed me consistently. Even in those pubescent years where any nudity from an actress is welcomed...even then I said "ugh" and vomited for emphasis. The sex appeal of rotten eggs and colostomy bags.

Ellen Barkin was once a fox look at the movie Buckaroo Banzai for proof

[ziznak]

Seth Rogen: not even his humor keeps me from feeling disgusted by him, even his voice makes me shudder. He wouldn't know a subtle or clever comedic situation if it farted in his face and hit him with a dildo.

John Goodman: OK, John, I certainly don't have a thing against big folk, and I love your characters, but you just gave up, man. About 15 years ago. Move away from NOLA for your own good. Yesterday.

Mickey Rourke: Are there no mirrors in his part of the world? As if he didn't look in a mirror 23 hours a day while getting to look that way. He took so much HGH and steroids that he deformed even his face until now it looks like one massive, cartilaginous cauliflower ear. The only guy in history who is gonna have to ask Burgess Meredith, "Cut me, Mick!" because his eyelids got too muscle-bound to see. Literally a freak.

Rosie O'Donnell: it's my own blind spot - a woman with a huge pot belly and tiny boobs. *shudder*

Sandra Bernhard: That crushed-in face, those snaggle teeth, they repel me so - I must have her.

Quentin Tarantino: Another ugly pushed in face, and a nasty attitude which says "I'm a total inhuman dick and don't care who knows that I loved having sex with animals growing up."

Steve Buscemi: I love him, I just wish he knew about checking thyroid levels.

Clint Howard: Ron's brother. How, man? Just, how? Nature can be cruel indeed.

Forest Whitaker: a simple matter of a little corrective surgery and that creepy droop eye is history, Idi.

Robert Benigni: Just stop jumping around and hold still for one second you disgusting ego-mad clown and the world will be free of your grotesque ham-fisted vaudeville-style schtick forever....

Wow, when I first saw this thread, I thought, "Gosh, this sounds a little mean."

Obviously I got over that.

This is a great list!

[MV/Liberace!]

Rosie O'Donnell: it's my own blind spot - a woman with a huge pot belly and tiny boobs. *shudder*

the more sensitive, socially conscious term is "flatso."

[Eddie Coyle]

 
          That Whoopi Goldberg dude. And Joy Behar.

           And I've never understood the appeal of Julia Roberts. I find her bordering on asexual, she emits no sex appeal as far as I'm concerned.

          And Pamela Anderson I've long felt was vastly overrated. She was the Loni Anderson of my generation. Just so fake in every way.

         *** Coyle's Memory Lane...

                  When I was a freshman in high school(1990), our health class covered human sexuality and our teacher, because of...who knows, decided to ask all of us to name the sexiest celebrity in our opinion. BUT, we couldn't copy another's answer. And we went row by row(roughly 40 in the class)...so the de rigueur answers of the era were given right away. Cindy Crawford, Madonna(ugh) Christina Applegate etc. Young Coyle went 17th and picked the pre-beaver shot Sharon Stone, who'd been in Playboy and Total Recall that summer.

          The kid who was going to be picked penultimately, was quite blatantly homosexual, but obviously closeted in that environment. Young wiseass Coyle started taking bets "5 bucks that Matty(who's name will not be changed) says "Marilyn Monroe" or "Cher"...gay icon types. But...in my overconfidence, I'd forgotten that Matty was a horror movie aficionado. So, young dumbass Coyle had 30 bucks bet he'd utter Monroe or Cher...and when the moment of truth came, Matty says..."Jamie Lee Curtis". The hermaphroditic beneficiary of nepotism who the future hairdresser in my class answered in a Capote-esque lisp. ....ARRGH. 30 bucks down the drain. 30 bucks is a fortune at that age.

             Because we couldn't repeat answers...some of the later picks were doozies. Oprah(said in seriousness) Jodie Foster,Debbie Gibson and Dolly Parton  being memorable headscratchers.
         

[Sardondi]

Well, Matty said JLC because of the whole born-hermaphroditic thing. And she's a pretty good choice even today.

[Eddie Coyle]

Well, Matty said JLC because of the whole born-hermaphroditic thing. And she's a pretty good choice even today.

Yeech. I must disagree. Too masculine, even before the rumors. That perpetual mullet, she's like a more butch Kristy McNichol.

[Camazotz Automat]

I echo the Pamela Anderson comment. She's a blow up doll that's suffered the mechanizations of bringing a clay man to life: a vinyl golem.

Tommy Lee: I don't know maaaaaaan. It's like, the only thing the probe is detecting is air.

I will defend to the death your right to be fat, skinny, ugly, beautiful, average etc.  It's when some nut job marketing firm decides it's going to make Ms. X the next big thing, or to present Mr. "Overweight Average Guy" as a magic chick magnet, and shove that down the throat of general consensus, that my blood pressure does the squash ball dance.

Anyway, here are three:

1) Sarah Jessica Parker bothers me.  Not, to my mind, fantasy material you would expect to come across on Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

2) Michael Chiklis. Who the fuck is this latest "cool bald guy?" He was absolutely unwatchable in "No Ordinary Family." (well the show itself was, too.) Now he's got another upcoming show? "Vegas"? To me, he always looks like he is missing a woman's red wig and should be working as a waitress in a diner in Hell's Mouth, AZ, along a highway that has no other structures for miles in either direction.  He's certainly not threatening as some Vegas mobster or whatever he's portraying in Vegas. Insipid. If you clothed him with a Nehru jacket, fed him a bowl of rancid sour kraut, then punched him the gut, then he might do a passable impersonation of Aleister Crowley. And I say that generously.

3) Lucy Liu.  She is going to portray "Dr. Watson" in "Elementary," the bastardization of all that is previously somewhat holy. A female as Watson?  Really?  It's not cute.  It's not clever.  It's not edgy. It's fucking OFFENSIVE.  Shave Julia Roberts bald and thrust her into the maelstrom as the next KOJAK and you begin to intuit the level of my disdain here. Desperate fucking television executives should be tarred and feathered.

OK. I feel a little better.

Actually, I don't.  Several of the many gun enthusiasts on this site need to coordinate a schedule to meet with me at some Denny's during the graveyard shift and assassinate Cam in a hail of multiple crossfire as he is wolfing down a Grand Slam.  Just blow his head off. I give up.

LUCY FUCKING LIU AS DR. WATSON.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a desperate attempt to somehow right this ~swiftly tilting planet~ I plan to re-watch episodes of Gatiss and Moffat's  Sherlock every week until Elementary is canceled.

[attachimg=1]

[PB the Deplorable]

...  Madonna(ugh)...       

That's going to be my pick (I'd be remiss not to give Whoopi a shoutout as well, although she was good as Guinan).

That Madonna skank had every girl my age within driving distance emulating her wardrobe and every move she made all through the 80s.   The all black outfits, the dead movie monster makeup, the cheap jangly junky jewelry, she just looked like a walking STD.

[ziznak]

wtf is wrong with jody and debbie??? Debbie is def still hot and jody well not so much but I never thought she was unattractive.
lol latest "cool bald guy"

[Sardondi]

....LUCY FUCKING LIU AS DR. WATSON.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....

Yeah, parts of exploding heads are in need of cleaning up around the country.

And yes about whoever said Horseface Girl - Julia Roberts. Was that you, Eddie? I have never got what the deal is about her. Is is the sheer freak show nature of the fact she has a mouth and oral cavity big enough to stick her entire left buttock into, with room left over for a volleyball? Was it that she convincingly sold the men of the Western world on the fantasy that a regular doofus guy can treat a famous movie star nicely, and it's so foreign to her yet such ecstasy that it makes her loins beg to be near him again; and that his presence is a warm sanctuary that she seeks out as a refuge against the entire world? Is it that?

[Eddie Coyle]

 
         Sardondi, your theory on Julia Roberts degree of fame is as good as any...all I know that I was 14 when "Pretty Woman" hit the theaters, and even then, at ultimate horndog age, I was rather "meh" about her. That alone is enough for indictment/conviction.

          PB, your analysis of Madonna is right on. A fleabag attention hua, another testament to the marketing geniuses of NYC/LA and the power of Seymour Stein

          Ziz, Jodie isn't unattractive...but her obvious sexuality has always gotten in the way of her being a "sex symbol". Great actress, but...and she's no lipstick lesbian. Debbie Gibson...a product of 80's mall culture. I couldn't get hard for her even with Lou Gehrig's disease.

          Cam, your outrage is justified. But your ideation should be homicidal, not suicidal. I was annoyed when Lucy Liu was merely debasing the legacy of Charlie's Angels...but this latest role is an affront that can only be answered by burning an embassy. Or say accidentally dropping a bomb on one like we did in Belgrade in May, 1999

        And Sarah Jessica Parker...from a 1000 feet away she probably looks good. However, my TV set is roughly 7 feet away and I routinely change the channel when she's on. The textbook definition of buttaface.

[BigDave]

         Sardondi, your theory on Julia Roberts degree of fame is as good as any...all I know that I was 14 when "Pretty Woman" hit the theaters, and even then, at ultimate horndog age, I was rather "meh" about her. That alone is enough for indictment/conviction.

          PB, your analysis of Madonna is right on. A fleabag attention hua, another testament to the marketing geniuses of NYC/LA and the power of Seymour Stein

          Ziz, Jodie isn't unattractive...but her obvious sexuality has always gotten in the way of her being a "sex symbol". Great actress, but...and she's no lipstick lesbian. Debbie Gibson...a product of 80's mall culture. I couldn't get hard for her even with Lou Gehrig's disease.

          Cam, your outrage is justified. But your ideation should be homicidal, not suicidal. I was annoyed when Lucy Liu was merely debasing the legacy of Charlie's Angels...but this latest role is an affront that can only be answered by burning an embassy. Or say accidentally dropping a bomb on one like we did in Belgrade in May, 1999

        And Sarah Jessica Parker...from a 1000 feet away she probably looks good. However, my TV set is roughly 7 feet away and I routinely change the channel when she's on. The textbook definition of buttaface.

Lucy Liu was beautiful in Kill Bill

[Juan]

Julia Roberts obviously has two lower lips.

[HorrorRetro]

Brad Pitt.  I've never found him attractive.  He always looks like he's on a field trip from the special ed. school.  He comes across as having an IQ of 30.  When he opens his mouth, that's confirmed. 

When it comes to my preferences in men, there is no attraction without intelligence.  I find a plain, intelligent guy far more attractive than some guy who might have good facial features and abs but is rock dumb.

I think Alan Rickman is far more attractive than someone like Brad Pitt.

[Ben Shockley]

... And Sarah Jessica Parker... The textbook definition of buttaface.

I think "horseface" is more apt.
I can only conclude that some casting director who was totally gay beyond even comprehending any idea of "female attractiveness" must have ever given her a gig beyond last-minute fill-in in "Annie."
Just to digress a little:  I had a Thai friend (in Thailand) who apparently had never heard a native English-speaker pronounce "Sarah Jessica Parker."  He pronounced it as "Salaja Skybacher."   Henceforward, and after I had correctively tutored him, I tormented him by always pronouncing it like that to him (which I had plenty of chances to do, since he loved "Sex With The Whole City" or whatever her show was called).

[McPhallus]

Chloe Sevigny: not good looking at all, but she did have that explicit blowjob scene in that movie.

Hilary Skank: so mannish looking.

[McPhallus]

I echo the Pamela Anderson comment. She's a blow up doll that's suffered the mechanizations of bringing a clay man to life: a vinyl golem.

If you look up pictures of her BEFORE all the surgery, she was actually pretty good looking until she decided to become a superstar.  Pretty sad, really.

[McPhallus]

Ziz, Jodie isn't unattractive...but her obvious sexuality has always gotten in the way of her being a "sex symbol". Great actress, but...and she's no lipstick lesbian. Debbie Gibson...a product of 80's mall culture. I couldn't get hard for her even with Lou Gehrig's disease.

Let's not forget Tiffany, her lesser-known contemporary, who actually looks pretty good today.

[McPhallus]

Check out Kelly McGillis, who co-starred in Top Gun and later became a bull-dyke.  Good god.

(Four posts in a row in the same thread.... I'm done for now.)

[Eddie Coyle]

         
               Another nepotism charity chase: Gwyneth Paltrow. Just a bland bag of blech.

[McPhallus]

         
               Another nepotism charity chase: Gwyneth Paltrow. Just a bland bag of blech.

I'm curious why the EC indents the first line of all his paragraphs.  Is that a holdover from grade school?  Kind of like how I put two spaces after every period.

[Eddie Coyle]

I'm curious why the EC indents the first line of all his paragraphs.  Is that a holdover from grade school?  Kind of like how I put two spaces after every period.

High school habit, actually. I was the headline writer for the bird cage lining they called a paper and heavily influenced by the New York Post-type tabloids. I use it for annoyed emphasis.
         

[ziznak]

Kind of like how I put two spaces after every period.

ha I'm not alone