If a "Noorie" was in the Monster Manual...

[basswood]

Without question, an absolutely outstanding post.

If there were a high temple Hall of Fame for the site, this post should greet all supplicants as they paused in contemplation in the narthex, each member nervously cupping his/her own pair of lime green Zocchihedrons.

Wow, that's incredibly kind (I'm starting to wonder if I'm still at the right bellgab or some parallel universe bellgab considering recent PM's and posts), may all of your lime green Zocchihedrons be redesigned and evenly distributed, sir. 

[wr250]

how would a noorie compare to say "pizza the hut"?

[Nick el Ass]

how would a noorie compare to say "pizza the hut"?

Noorie would be Pizza the Roll.

[basswood]

how would a noorie compare to say "pizza the hut"?

Now you come in with this...

[nextgen.fm]

I got a little heavy with the pencil and lost some of the "Daveness" but it's not worth doing over, so here's the creature as he will appear in the campaign for the kids. Thanks for the ideas 

[attachimg=1]

For those interested in the game, it's designed for 5th Edition D&D, 12th Level Adventure. For those not so interested, you can ignore the stat blocks at the end.

The Noorie originates from the rarely visited para-Elemental plane of Ooze, a corridor between the inner planes of Water and Earth. Created through the experiments of a mad wizard, the Noorie was considered a failure and left to rot. But the Noorie proved to be resourceful and managed to find sustenance in the droppings of those who came before him. Over time, he came to attract followers â€"dregs of the Material Plane that provided him with the filth he needed to survive. He and his followers , commonly known as ”Insiders” (use the Thug’s statistics in the Monster Manual) roam the marshes and fens of the Material Plane looking for anyone they can leech onto or steal from and anyone that will feed his insatiable hunger for praise, no matter how false.

The Noorie’s body is a horrifying blob of pustules and veins concealing a gelatinous pyramid, inside of which can be seen dozens of dead mean babies (which his body produces, see below) as well as non-organic objects left over from unfortunate souls he’s recently encountered. His entire body appears to be in a perpetual state of melting and the drippings that fall to the ground coalesce and slide quicksilver-like to reform back onto the Noorie’s body. He has four useless non-muscular legs that shift positions randomly as he moves and two pseudopods with which he is capable of grasping objects and attacking. The smell of the Noorie is repulsively pervasive and precedes his presence by 300’, even upwind. Every creature within the smell radius of the Noorie must make a Constitution save of 13 every four rounds or suffer disadvantage on all rolls due to nausea.

In the center of the Noorie’s body lies a small portal. Any creature unfortunate enough to be absorbed by the Noorie must make a Dexterity save of 10 every four turns while grappled or be transported to a random Elemental Plane.

The most remarkable aspect of the Noorie is his two-facedness. Over the years, he’s developed a second usable head which he uses to speak incessant lies when it isn’t spending it’s time admiring itself. One of the Noorie’s pseudopods is often engaged with holding a mirror up to this second head. The primary head of the Noorie is covered in a pitch black Toupee of Smothering which has angel’s wings and can attack on its own initiative when the Noorie is provoked. His mustache is capable of detaching itself and flying great distances to deliver messages. See below.

The Noorie is a great coward and will seek to compromise or flee from a battle in which the outcome appears uncertain. His Insiders are left to suffer the consequences. During a détente or when he is at a disadvantage, he will feign friendship to draw his prey in closer and as soon as opportunity arises, he or his Insiders will strike. The Noorie is genuinely susceptible to flattery and accepting of tribute (especially the herbs carnivora and turmeric).

Besides the non-organic items floating within him, the Noorie’s treasure is comprised mainly of his horde of books (10d20) he keeps in his lair, all of them unread and therefore in mint condition. Most are picture books and essentially worthless but there is a 5% chance that one of them will be of some value. The Noorie keeps books to feed his vanity, so as to fool the unsuspecting that he is a creature of great intellect. Several times a year, he also distributes large portions of his collection to sycophants he deems most deserving (usually after having them make fools of themselves before him, while singing a song or performing a silly dance). The Noorie lair is always located in a dark and damp cave situated in warm climates.

The Noorie’s speech is slurred and he is incapable of communicating a clear thought so conversations with the Noorie that ask for more than a few seconds of his attention or require any extended reasoning tend to be one-sided. Despite this, he is still able to mentally summon up to 4 different types of oozes (of his choosing) through his portal to fight for him per day. He can also send a distress song out that attracts all Insiders within a 1 mile radius.

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Hit Points: 180 (20d10 +80)  Alignment: Neutral Evil

Armor Class: 6  Speed: 15’  Size: Huge (15’)  Languages: Common  Initiative: -4

STR: 14 (+2) DEX: 3(-4) CON: 26 (+8) INT: 3 (-4) WIS: 3 (-4) CHA: 1 (-5)

Condition Immunities: Blinded, Charmed, Deafened, Exhaustion, Prone

Damage Immunities: Psionic, Psychic, Acid, Cold, Fire

Damage Resistance: Slashing, Piercing

Damage Susceptibilities: Electricity, Magic

Senses: 60’ vibration sense, Passive Perception 8

Spell DC: 8  Spell Attack Modifier: INT

Challenge Rating: 12 (XP 8,400)

Ooze Ability:
Other creatures may enter the Noorie’s space but are subject to his “Engulf” and have disadvantage on the saving throw.  Creatures inside the Noorie can be seen but have total cover. The Noorie can hold one large creature or 6 medium or smaller creatures inside of him at a time. A creature within 5’ of the Noorie can take an action to pull a creature or object out of him. Doing so requires a successful DC 15 Strength check, and the creature making the attempt takes 5d6 acid damage.

Actions: The Noorie is capable of two attacks per round and either a movement to engulf or cast one Magic Spell listed below.

Pseudopod: Melee weapon attack, +6 to hit, reach 10’, Hit: 4d6 Acid damage plus 4d6 Bludgeoning

Dead Mean Baby: The Noorie produces bloated acid-filled tumors within his body that resemble deceased scowling babies. He throws them with his pseudopod as a giant throws boulders. He carries 12 of them at a time within him and can access them immediately, producing a new one every 2 hours. Ranged 40’/60’, +8 to hit, Hit: 3d10 +5 Bludgeoning +1d6 Acid damage

Innate Spellcasting:
Grease, Enthrall, Poison Spray (from his mouth): Range 15’, Constitution save of DC 8 or suffer 3d12 Poison damage; Conjure Ooze: 4 times per day; Summon Insiders: All allies of the Noorie within a 1 mile radius will respond at their speed and fight

Engulf: When the Noorie moves into another creature's space, they must make a DC 12 saving throw. On a successful save, the creature is pushed 5' away. On a fail, the creature will take 6d6 Acid damage. The engulfed creature can't breathe, is restrained, and takes 6d6 Acid damage at the start of each of the Noorie's turns. When the Noorie moves, the engulfed creature moves with it. An engulfed creature can try to escape by taking an action to make a DC 12 Strength check, Upon success, the creature escapes and enters a space of its choice within 5' of the Noorie.

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Toupee of Smothering

Armor Class: 12  Hit Points: 33  Speed: Fly 50’  Size: Medium  Initiative: +2

STR:17 (+3)  DEX: 14 (+2)  CON: 10 (+0)  INT: 3 (-4)  WIS: 3 (-4)  CHA: 1 (-5)

Damage Immunities: Poison, Psychic, Acid, Cold, Fire

Condition Immunities: Blinded, Charmed, Deafened, Frightened, Paralyzed, Petrified, Poisoned, Exhaustion, Prone

Senses: Blindsight 60’, Passive Perception 6

Challenge Rating: 2 (450 XP)

Damage Transfer: While it is grappling a creature, the toupee takes only half the damage dealt to it, the grappled creature taking the other half.

Actions:
Smother: Melee Weapon Attack +5 to hit, reach 5’. Hit: The creature is grappled (escape DC 13). Until the grapple ends, the target is restrained, blinded, and at risk of suffocating, and the toupee can’t smother another target. In addition, at the start of each of the target’s turns, the target takes 2d6 +3 bludgeoning damage and 1d6 Acid damage.

This is epic

Haha, is that like a primordial pizza roll goo?

[CHOCOL8MILK]

LOL.
Love it!!

[SNATCHSQUATCH]

This thread is beyond excellent. Good work, great parenting.

How old are your kids? Do you simplify anything to make it easier for them to play?

[basswood]

This thread is beyond excellent. Good work, great parenting.

How old are your kids? Do you simplify anything to make it easier for them to play?

Thanks. The older one is 13 and brings her friends over to play as well; they have a pretty good grasp of how to play but their attention span can sometimes fall short of attempting a full module so it's easier to make short action packed scenarios. The younger one is 8 and follows along but the rules aren't as important. I think maybe another year and she'll be pretty into it, she's the bright one

Incidentally, the campaign with the Noorie in it is part of an adventure where the party travels to present-day US to make contact with Art Bell and get him to give up his "Art's Parts" to help save the party's benefactor. Thinking of adding Mulder and Scully into it as well because the kids actually know who they are. (most of the legs of the campaigns I make revolve around familiar tv show or story themes like LOST, Brothers Grimm, the Lost Room, King Arthur, etc. as it helps keep the kids interest. Even more fun for me in the end.)

[SNATCHSQUATCH]

Supercool! My son is seven and he plays as my character's familiar when he comes.

We made him a really simple guy with one spell and a dagger, just to get him used to the basics. When he doesnt play, that character goes back to just being my familiar.

We don't care about rules so much, so it works out. I like playing with him more than some of the grownups because he just wants to kill monsters and loot, and has no attention span for roleplaying with annoying goblins for 45 minutes. (I wonder where he gets this tendency from)