Random stupid things on your mind. Post them.

[Mind Flayer Monk]

If I lived near this bridge, I would sit on my porch and drink beer and laugh my ass off at trucks all day.

Watch This Bridge Destroy Dozens of Trucks and Buses

I blame NAFTA.

[jazmunda]

Problem solving International:

[wr250]

govt explanations such as :

[FallenSeraph]

So I'm sitting here at a bar at Hollywood Casino in Tunica, MS, because my mom wanted to come down here and blow off steam because of all this crap that's going on with my dad. And she's flirting with some guy, which is making me uncomfortable, and meanwhile the guy to my right is earnestly concerned with whether I've accepted The Lord Jesus Christ as my savior and giving me his best sales pitch for the existence of God, and the black woman on my left is trying to sell me a bunch of Xanax and Adderall. It's eerily like an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other.

And yeah, I ended up buying the stuff and I'm still waiting for a better sales pitch, so I guess I'll see some of you in hell. I feel like I failed a spiritual test. Oops.

Now I'm off to bum a cigarette off someone and play poker.

Wish me luck.

P.S. I remember about five years ago when I accepted a rather swank PR director job, now gone, my predecessor said, "To hell with everything you've learned about public relations. Just learn to hold your liquor." She was right. That really is the most valuable skill you can have.

**hiccup**

[Sambo]

Penis in a bowl of Luke warm chili

[FallenSeraph]

Lost about $120 on video poker while drinking and gambling with a little 90-year-old veteran. I kept telling God and the Universe that if I won, I'd split it with him. But we both lost all our money. God is lame.

DO YOU HEAR ME, GOD? LAAAAAAAAAAAAME!

OK, not really.

Everyone say a prayer for that little old lonely guy, though. His wife died last year so he kills time at the casino on Saturday nights. To hell with me, I just want that guy to have a happy rest-of-his-life. I would give everything I have, actually, if it would let that guy have a happy rest-of-his-life. I hate seeing people sad and lonely like that. F*ck that sh*t.

I'm soused.

Goodnight, moon.

[Sambo]

Make him laugh. Ask him if he knows any good jokes

[b_dubb]

Here's my favorite joke at the moment:

What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?

They get taller

[Sambo]

I keep on looking at it, but I still don't get it

[Yorkshire pud]

I keep on looking at it, but I still don't get it

Maybe it applies to female lawyers?

[b_dubb]

 what happens when you take viagra?

[Yorkshire pud]

what happens when you take viagra?

Headache. Truthfully, I've taken it once and I had the most appalling headache long before a hard on. Sort of took the edge off things.. Hey ho...

[Sambo]

what happens when you take viagra?

Erection, boner, hard on

[McPhallus]

what happens when you take viagra?

That, and especially Cialis, can work a bit too well.  But useful to those who get the chubbs, I guess.

[ItsOver]

All hail the space monkey!



http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/iran/10517747/Iran-hails-voyage-of-Fargam-the-space-monkey.html

[aldousburbank]

Erection, boner, hard on

All three?

[aldousburbank]

All hail the space monkey!



http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/iran/10517747/Iran-hails-voyage-of-Fargam-the-space-monkey.html

This dude played bass in a band I was in.

[Yorkshire pud]

This dude played bass in a band I was in.

How many bands did you play on; how many bass players did you get through? Is it similar to Spinal Tap's unfortunate history with drummers?

Or do you mean this guy?[attachimg=2]

or this one?

[jazmunda]

The last two topics talked about on this thread can merge if you just spank that monkey.

[aldousburbank]

How many bands did you play on; how many bass players did you get through? Is it similar to Spinal Tap's unfortunate history with drummers?

Or do you mean this guy?[attachimg=2]

or this one?

I dunno, they all act look the same to me, bass players do.

[b_dubb]

Here's my favorite joke at the moment:

What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?

They get taller

ffs lawyers are dicks

[Sambo]

LOL

Private investigators are dicks

[BobGrau]

All three?

Thats why they call it triple X

[zeebo]

Thats why they call it triple X

I know there's a joke in here that involves the punchline "12 hours" but it's escaping me.

[guildnavigator]

I dunno, they all act look the same to me, bass players do.

Yeah, bass players, can be pieces of shit.

Some of them are really funny though:

http://youtu.be/Xu2O0Dd8rEI

[FallenSeraph]

Hey I won $200 off one quarter yesterday on double bonus video poker â€" 4 aces and a 2. Toto's "Hold the Line" was playing.

There shall be no more bashing of Toto in my presence ever again.

Toto - Hold The Line

[aldousburbank]

There shall be no more bashing of Toto in my presence again.

Ixnay Ashingbay Ototay

[BobGrau]

Best line I've heard in ages: "watch out, I've got locusts in there!"

[ItsOver]

Hey I won $200 off one quarter yesterday on double bonus video poker â€" 4 aces and a 2. Toto's "Hold the Line" was playing.

There shall be no more bashing of Toto in my presence ever again.

Toto - Hold The Line

Hey, I like Toto, too. 

[Camazotz Automat]

"That story is somewhat disturbing. But only to people." â€" Alfred Hitchcock

www.calculatorcat.com/moon_phases/phasenow.php