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The WOTR (self appointed life coach) advice thread.

Started by Jojo, July 03, 2019, 09:10:56 PM

WOTR

I see we still have quite a long road ahead of us to get you to let go and work out that toxic resentment.This transference is a healthy first step. The good news is that we have all the time in the world.  :)

Jojo

Quote from: WOTR on July 04, 2019, 11:34:46 PM
I see we still have quite a long road ahead of us to get you to let go and work out that toxic resentment.This transference is a healthy first step. The good news is that we have all the time in the world.  :)
You were inappropriate.

AZZERAE

Quote from: Sixteen on July 04, 2019, 09:03:47 PM
The issue was respect, not intellectual freedom.

Move the goal posts all you will. Just know, you're hard work.



Jojo

Quote from: AZRAA on July 04, 2019, 11:56:47 PM
Move the goal posts all you will. Just know, you're hard work.
He acted like drunken frat brat trying to find dinner in someone else's garbage can and then judging the contents without reading the facts.  Someone had posted a song about letting go of resentment.  I supported the post with my example.  WTURd followed by making assumptions, casting judgment, speaking categorically, twisting the scenario, putting words in my mouth, and then pretended to insert himself into a place that no longer even resembled the original plot.  And then he insinuated that I don't value punctuality!

Letting go of resentments IS work.  No one's forcing you to read about it.

AZZERAE

Just admit what time of the month it is for you. We all go through it, sis.

Oh, and as far as making accusations and putting words in peoples mouths, my contribution to your "mind reading of helpless patients being unethical and degrading" thread was nowhere near plagiarism. Remind me next time to just steer clear of posting relevant content if you're going to be such a domineering presence.

You just can't seem to accept and appreciate somebody trying to be nice to you. All you ever seem to do is respond to the negative, or to criticize.

Its not always everyone else, sometimes we have to take personal responsibility ... You should know that of all people. And I say that out of love, not malice. So how you choose to take it remains up to you.



Jojo

Quote from: WOTR on July 04, 2019, 11:34:46 PM
I see we still have quite a long road ahead of us to get you to let go and work out that toxic resentment.This transference is a healthy first step. The good news is that we have all the time in the world.  :)

AZZERAE

And I here I thought Windows had done away with MS Paint.



Jojo

Quote from: AZRAA on July 05, 2019, 03:10:31 AM
Just move on, sis. Don't allow your anger to control you.
He needs to wake up.  He is intelligent enough to realize he trod on a good avatar acquaintance.  Again.  It's one thing to be confrontational; maybe okay.  It's another thing to be confrontational while twisting the story line and making assumptions and categorical judgments.

-Contrary to his comments, I never claimed my medical problem was an emergency.
-Contrary to his comments, I never claimed I was bitter about or felt entitled to get the interview or job.
-Contrary to the sound of his comments, I never claimed being on time is not one of my values.

I accepted full responsibility.  Not too upset about the job opening.  Just resentful that the manager was rude to her employees and rude, insulting and abrupt to me.  She also said something consequential which wasn't true, and I suspect she is very practiced at strategizing when to be honest and when to lie, as I saw her method in place.  I didn't appreciate being manipulated, although it was a moot point.

She sets people up for failure - I have seen this type before.  Even if I had been on time, she would have refused to see me, as her clock was 7 minutes fast from cell phone time.  Even if my cell had just turned over a minute and even if her clock had just turned over a minute, you can subtract 2 minutes then and say her clock may have been only 5 minutes fast.  Either way, even if I had been on time, I would have appeared to have been 5 minutes late no matter what, unless I came in early.  She kept pointing to a towering, huge clock which took up half a wall and had obviously been turned ahead by 5-7 minutes.  After having seen this type of applicant/subordinate manipulation, I will continue to strive to be 5 minutes early for interviews and meetings at small companies, and 10 minutes early at larger ones with waiting areas.  Hadn't known this trick before, despite the fact that call centers are extremely anal about the clock.

Call center employees have been ridiculed for being 1 minute late despite volunteering 15 hours of overtime every week for years.  Call centers take the clock very seriously.

Anyhow, setting a huge clock on the wall like that bitch's and then turning it forward 5-7 minutes is a very good bum-rush technique.  It was a Friday on a holiday weekend and she just wanted to relax and party.  She would have Monday off.  She already knew who she was going to hire.  She got credit for having a decent pool of applicants, but she didn't have to do the interview nor much follow up paperwork, because I disqualified myself.

WOTR, don't be suggesting to ME that being punctual is not one of my values.  I was punctual for 15 years in the most anal, clock-watching sector.  A sector so strict on punctuality that it combines illnesses with tardies (over 2 minutes), in order to twist employees' attendance statistics so that when they actually do become sick, they cannot use their sick time because using it would put their statistics out of compliance with the attendance standard.  An industry with attendance standard so strong that a manager came to work with pneumonia and bragged about it, despite endangering us and our families. 

SredniVashtar

Quote from: Sixteen on July 05, 2019, 03:52:50 AM
He needs to wake up.  He is intelligent enough to realize he trod on a good avatar acquaintance.  Again.  It's one thing to be confrontational; maybe okay.  It's another thing to be confrontational while twisting the story line and making assumptions and categorical judgments.

-Contrary to his comments, I never claimed my medical problem was an emergency.
-Contrary to his comments, I never claimed I was bitter about or felt entitled to get the interview or job.
-Contrary to the sound of his comments, I never claimed being on time is not one of my values.

I accepted full responsibility.  Not too upset about the job opening.  Just resentful that the manager was rude to her employees and rude, insulting and abrupt to me.  She also said something consequential which wasn't true, and I suspect she is very practiced at strategizing when to be honest and when to lie, as I saw her method in place.  I didn't appreciate being manipulated, although it was a moot point.

She sets people up for failure - I have seen this type before.  Even if I had been on time, she would have refused to see me, as her clock was 7 minutes fast from cell phone time.  Even if my cell had just turned over a minute and even if her clock had just turned over a minute, you can subtract 2 minutes then and say her clock may have been only 5 minutes fast.  Either way, even if I had been on time, I would have appeared to have been 5 minutes late no matter what, unless I came in early.  She kept pointing to a towering, huge clock which took up half a wall and had obviously been turned ahead by 5-7 minutes.  After having seen this type of applicant/subordinate manipulation, I will continue to strive to be 5 minutes early for interviews and meetings at small companies, and 10 minutes early at larger ones with waiting areas.  Hadn't known this trick before, despite the fact that call centers are extremely anal about the clock.

Call center employees have been ridiculed for being 1 minute late despite volunteering 15 hours of overtime every week for years.  Call centers take the clock very seriously.

Anyhow, setting a huge clock on the wall like that bitch's and then turning it forward 5-7 minutes is a very good bum-rush technique.  It was a Friday on a holiday weekend and she just wanted to relax and party.  She would have Monday off.  She already knew who she was going to hire.  She got credit for having a decent pool of applicants, but she didn't have to do the interview nor much follow up paperwork, because I disqualified myself.

WOTR, don't be suggesting to ME that being punctual is not one of my values.  I was punctual for 15 years in the most anal, clock-watching sector.  A sector so strict on punctuality that it combines illnesses with tardies over 2 minutes, in order to twist employees' statistics on attendance so that when they actually do become sick, they cannot use their sick time because using it would put their statistics out of compliance with the attendance standard.  An industry with attendance standard so strong that a manager came to work with pneumonia was are proud of  it.  And kissing one of the higher-ups, too.  With pneumonia.  They deserved each other.

Suggested name for your upcoming podcast: The Anal Sector.

You can spend your first show telling us all about it.

AZZERAE

Just to be clear, Sixteen, I hear you on all your points, and I agree with you. I just want you to move past it for your own sake. That's all.

Jojo

Quote from: SredniVashtar on July 05, 2019, 03:55:53 AM
Suggested name for your upcoming podcast: The Anal Sector.

You can spend your first show telling us all about it.
You're the one that makes bulls want to become trannys.

Quote from: SredniVashtar on July 17, 2015, 08:49:58 AM
I know discussing Shakespeare on here is like putting tits on a bull, but I am doing my best.

Jojo

Quote from: AZRAA on July 05, 2019, 04:02:08 AM
Just to be clear, Sixteen, I hear you on all your points, and I agree with you. I just want you to move past it for your own sake. That's all.
I did.


WOTR

Quote from: AZRAA on July 05, 2019, 04:04:45 AM
OK. Then what's the problem?
I think the problem is that I have not apologized or accepted responsibility for upsetting people... It will be a long wait.

In relation to one of your earlier posts- my mother used to have a slip of paper on her fridge (and on her office wall) that said something along the lines of "he who angers you controls you." Good thing to keep in mind when dealing with shitty hiring managers or people on the internet...


AZZERAE

Quote from: WOTR on July 05, 2019, 04:30:43 AM
My mother used to have a slip of paper on her fridge (and on her office wall) that said something along the lines of "he who angers you controls you." Good thing to keep in mind...

That's precisely the line I had in mind. I think Sixteen's just going through a lot (or something), she seems very angry lately. Hopefully she'll calm down soon.

WOTR

Quote from: Sixteen on July 05, 2019, 03:52:50 AM
He needs to wake up.
WOTR, don't be suggesting to ME that being punctual is not one of my values.  I was punctual for 15 years in the most anal, clock-watching sector.  A sector so strict on punctuality that it combines illnesses with tardies (over 2 minutes), in order to twist employees' attendance statistics so that when they actually do become sick, they cannot use their sick time because using it would put their statistics out of compliance with the attendance standard.  An industry with attendance standard so strong that a manager came to work with pneumonia and bragged about it, despite endangering us and our families.

One last kick at the cat- one last beating of this dead horse...

I know you did not say it was a medical emergency. That is why I said I would not hire you. I have heard every excuse for being late to an interview from flat tires, nosebleeds on the way, dead batteries, snow, rain, cancelled bus routes, sick children... The list goes on. That is why I said anything short of you calling from an ambulance and undergoing an amputation is not going to fly.

I am not going to take a chance on anybody who cannot get to an interview on time. I don't care if you have a perfect 30 year record with a different company- you did not make the first meeting with me on time, and I am not putting myself in the position where I have to cover your shifts. You can argue with me all you want on this point (and I suspect you probably argued with her as well...) The fact remains that for whatever reason (even if it really was not your fault) you were not there.

I know this upsets you. I'm not saying that you don't value punctuality (I don't- I'm late for everything. But I require it in my employees.) I can actually guarantee that you are more punctual than I am and I have no doubt you value it higher than I do and hold yourself to a higher standard than I do.

But I still would not bother to interview you if you walked in late. I also don't reschedule interviews if you miss them, or if you call 10 minutes before it is scheduled to rebook... It's just the way it goes.

AZZERAE

Quote from: WOTR on July 05, 2019, 04:45:51 AM
I'm not saying that [Sixteen doesn't] value punctuality (I don't - I'm late for everything. But I require it in my employees.) I can actually guarantee that [Sixteen is] more punctual than I am and I have no doubt [she values] it higher than I do and [holds herself] to a higher standard than I do.

You're a night owl, right! Perhaps this is why you're always running late.

WOTR

Quote from: AZRAA on July 05, 2019, 04:54:36 AM
You're a night owl, right! Perhaps this is why you're always running late.

I had to work on the long weekend this week clearing crap with a customs broker. 6 hours. Then I had to be awake for another employee last night (I had to have him call me every hour because he was working alone. Ironically, his coworker called in sick- no I'm not joking...) Anyhow, while I sat here waiting for my phone to ring, I decided I'm taking today off...

But your observation is fair. Being awake at this time of the morning does not lend itself to showing up for 8:00 AM.  :D

Jojo

The way you handled my post is exactly the way you handled my posts about car repair.  In that situation, too, you put words in my mouth, like you said something about me allegedly "never working on my car".  I don't think I took the time to correct you, but working on my car is in my post history.  I have personally made cosmetic and functional repairs to the hood and the radiator and am about to mend my muffler.  I spent an entire year banging on my selenoid.  Every time I needed to start the car.  NUMBER ONE:  It's not EVEN an expectation for a woman over 50 to work on her car.  So don't ridicule me for allegedly not fulfilling your arbitrary expectation.  NUMBER TWO: Especially when I actually did.

It's not nice to put words in other poster's mouths.  To lay your presumptions down as ammo when the poster is already obviously describing a hardship situation.  You've had to be strict with yourself working some 20-hour days and I've had to be strict with 3 consecutive years of non-stop overtime plus jobs on the weekend.  But that doesn't mean it's right to be harsh to other, more reasonable people.  Including me here in this forum.

SredniVashtar

Quote from: Sixteen on July 05, 2019, 05:21:59 AM
The way you handled my post is exactly the way you handled my posts about car repair.  In that situation, too, you put words in my mouth, like you said something about me allegedly "never working on my car".  I don't think I took the time to correct you, but working on my car is in my post history.  I have personally made cosmetic and functional repairs to the hood and the radiator and am about to mend my muffler.  I spent an entire year banging on my selenoid.  Every time I needed to start the car.  NUMBER ONE:  It's not EVEN an expectation for a woman over 50 to work on her car.  So don't ridicule me for allegedly not fulfilling your arbitrary expectation.  NUMBER TWO: Especially when I actually did.

It's not nice to put words in other poster's mouths.  To lay your presumptions down as ammo when the poster is already obviously describing a hardship situation.  You've had to be strict with yourself working some 20-hour days and I've had to be strict with 3 consecutive years of non-stop overtime plus jobs on the weekend.  But that doesn't mean it's right to be harsh to other, more reasonable people.  Including me here in this forum.

You need to take a break from posting. Go and do something else for a week or two. This happens to many people who post on here and end up taking things too seriously. You ought to step away for a while. This is an attempt to be helpful, don't get worked up over something so unimportant.

AZZERAE

Quote from: WOTR on July 05, 2019, 05:03:32 AM
I had to work on the long weekend this week...

Eish. It sounds as if your work schedule is the thing that's informing your sleep pattern, and not your sleeping habits that are informing your work week.

But, are you a night owl, naturally speaking? I think you said so once.

I used to be one. But I had to change, and break the cycle. I have a friend who's still trapped in the late night rut, who has been trying to break free from its clutches for years. She's always late, forgetful and excessively tired ... but never does anything about it.

ItsOver

Quote from: SredniVashtar on July 05, 2019, 05:30:33 AM
You need to take a break from posting. Go and do something else for a week or two. This happens to many people who post on here and end up taking things too seriously. You ought to step away for a while. This is an attempt to be helpful, don't get worked up over something so unimportant.
This might work for normal people.  She's a dingbat.

K_Dubb

Dear WOTR, if I have once drunk the Queen's health in a foreign country with a group of Commonwealth citizens, is my loyalty suspect?  I was unaware it is now called the "loyal toast", and couldn't think why God should not bless the old bat.

Regrettably my proposal of "the Continental Congress" was met with jeers and derision -- so much for civility.

Yorkshire pud

Quote from: K_Dubb on July 05, 2019, 08:38:30 AM
Dear WOTR, if I have once drunk the Queen's health in a foreign country with a group of Commonwealth citizens, is my loyalty suspect?  I was unaware it is now called the "loyal toast", and couldn't think why God should not bless the old bat.

Regrettably my proposal of "the Continental Congress" was met with jeers and derision -- so much for civility.

Bravo sir!! Back on the thread topic rather than having to field  sixteen's batshit crazy walls of text.

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