George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Snorge is taking credit for a blizzard in Detroit?

He's still waiting for his Emmy for the mass consciousness experiment that brought rain to L.A. five months later.

[zeebo]

Every time I look at the listings for El Rey, it always seems to be Miami Vice or Dark Angel reruns.

Yeah I thought that too but they also have kick-ass kung fu and godzilla movies.  And hey, circa 2000 Jessica Alba ain't the worse thing in the world.   

[Heather Wade]

God tonite's show just sounds awful.  Luckily my new fave channel El Rey has a promising kung fu movie on. 

I'll take that over tonite's topics of coincidences n' cops.  What a bore.  Is it just me or are the Noory shows actually getting worse lately?

I just look at the show titles, can't bear to listen, and, yeah, they appear to be getting worse nightly.

They took the whole Coast to Coast Nation
And put us on this reservation
Took away our ways of life
Ghost to Ghost now is Herballife ....

They took away our native tongue
And taught nooryisims to our young
And all the guest that made us fans
Are nowadays in Noory’s garbage can

Coast to Coast people, Coast to Coast tribe
So proud to live, so proud to die

They took the whole Coast to Coast Nation
And locked us on this reservation
And though I listen to this Noory guy,
I'm still a Bell fan deep inside

Coast to Coast people, Coast to coast tribe
So proud to live, so proud to die

But maybe someday when Premiere learn’s,
Mr. Bell will return
Will return
Will return
Will return
Will return

Cool, yet accurate.  Thanks for this!

[Juan Cena]

He's still waiting for his Emmy for the mass consciousness experiment that brought rain to L.A. five months later.

Snorge thinks they give out Emmys for radio work? Of course he does!

[Jorch Einstein]

Jorch was confused about selfies. He thought a selfie involved onanism. Tommy was mighty embarrassed when he burst in on Jorch doing a selfie. It involved lots of vaseline, which he also conveniently uses to smooth down his wig and mustache. Most of Jorch's selfies occur after Linda Moulton Howe is on the show.

[nextgen.fm]

George...


please do not "HUHMF" into the microphone


it just don't sound good

[Juan Cena]

George...


please do not "HUHMF" into the microphone


it just don't sound good

That's Tommee making "selfies" with Snorge on the air.

[Major Ed Damien]

When George calls something "sad," it's about as convincing as his wig.

[goldendeal]

In the year 2015, if Premire is still alive...
If Noory can survive, they may find..
In the year 2016...
Jorch not gonna need to tell the truth, tell all lies..
Everything you think, do and say..
will be in Noory’s news you heard today..
In the year 2017..
You ain't gonna need your radio, won't need your pod..
You won't find a thing  on Coast that’s new..
Nobody's gonna hear a guest’s voice  we once knew....
In the year 2018..
Your phone  hangin'  at your side..
Your voice got nothin' to do...
Noory’s machine's doin' that for you....
In the year 2019..
Ain't gonna need no fast blast , won't need no Insider....
Jorch will pick your guest, pick your callers too ....
From the numbers chick he once screwed....
In the year 2020...
If Noory is  a-retiering, He oughta by then..
Maybe He'll look around Himself and say..
"Guess it's time for Linda Moulton Howe  once again…
In the year 2021..
Jorch is gonna  sit back and twirl his jet black stache.....
He'll say, "I'm pleased where Coast has been"
no need to tear it down, and start again..
In the year 2022...
I'm kinda wonderin' if Coast is gonna be alive...
Noory’s  taken everything Coast callers can give..
And he ain't put back nothing...
Now it's been ten thousand years, Coast fans have cried a billion tears..
Noory’s reign is finally  through, But through eternal night, the twinkling of starlight
George’s  retirement is so very far away, it's should have been yesterday...

[Major Ed Damien]

The guest seems like a nice person.

I like how she's oblivious to how awful a person George is.

[Major Ed Damien]

I'm glad Lionel only has one name.

'Cause he's already verbose as hell.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Does anyone else listening to this guest feel like they have their head in a trash compactor?

[Major Ed Damien]

George appreciates Lionel's verbal dysentery.

It means just grunting "uh huh" like a dope with no further mental strain on his already overtaxed noodle.

[Major Ed Damien]

Does anyone else listening to this guest feel like they have their head in a trash compactor?

He's sounds like Joe Pesci -- minus the everything.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

And there are cats in the compactor and one is in heat and the other two are fighting except Sylvester got his tail caught in the compacting mechanism...


Yeah, I'm done for the night.

[Major Ed Damien]

And there are cats in the compactor and one is in heat and the other two are fighting except Sylvester got his tail caught in the compacting mechanism...


Yeah, I'm done for the night.

Wait . . . you'll miss out on one of Lionel's fabulous digressions.

No, you're right. 

A trash compactor to the head is less torment.

[Major Ed Damien]

Listening to Lionel is like listening to Charlie Manson.

Except that Manson sometimes gets to his point.

[pate]

I keep an eye on that too. But why does he log on? Does he want us to know he's here? Checking PMs?

Ron is awesome, say again Ron is awesome.

[WildCard]

Ron is awesome, say again Ron is awesome.

Huh? Who the fuck is Ron?


Half the time pate confuses me. The other half he makes me laugh uncontrollably.


If anybody gets this, help a brother out.

[pate]

Huh? Who the fuck is Ron?


Half the time pate confuses me. The other half he makes me laugh uncontrollably.


If anybody gets this, help a brother out.

I'm not sir either... ether?

Perhaps this video helps?  Not sure:

Batman Dark Knight - Joker Hospital Scene HD

[wr250]

Does anyone else listening to this guest feel like they have their head in a trash compactor?

i thought it was hoagland with  seth shostak's   voice.  and just rambling with no hyperdimensional physics and "its in the  data" .

[WildCard]

I'm not sir either... ether?

Perhaps this video helps?  Not sure:

Batman Dark Knight - Joker Hospital Scene HD

Are you drunk? Again? Still?

[pyewacket]

Here's my first attempt. I chose a really old song, I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover.

George looking over the week's new schedule
Same old ones as before
One is a phony, the other is fake
I don't think they'll keep anyone awake

No need explaining
Only those who say I'm the one they adore
Will be those who find a place on my show
So what if it's a bore

People find a place at Bellgab forum
Where they can vent their ire
Some think he's funny, others are irate
All can agree that George needs to retire

[Jorch Einstein]

Someone needs to explain to Jorch the difference between climate and weather. What a f*ckwit.

[Who]

Edwin sold his PEZ collection and used the proceeds to buy a Coast Insiders membership.  Tonight would be the fulfillment of his lifetime dream - to participate in a Coast Insiders Live Chat with George Noory.

[At the stroke of midnight]

Your song parodies are causing me embarrassment in the library. I have to stuff my sleeve in my mouth to maintain control.

Snoorge is like a robot programed by the same folks who make the programs that do bad language translations and come out with ridiculous results. Last night he asked Yitta:  "what would readersl escape from your book with?" There was a moment of stunned silence when Yitta realized that Jorch is actually an idiot who does not belong on radio as an interviewer, and then in a voice filled with consternation she said: "you mean what will people COME AWAY WITH ( she pronounced those last three words slowly)  from my book?" Then he realized how silly the wording of his question was, and made an excuse that he used the word ESCAPE, because people escape into a book - which made him look even dumber. Even after that I thought she was gracious to Snoorge, but it seemed like in the last five minutes of her slot he couldn't wait to dump her. His good bye to her seemed forced and emotionless - but then again, a lot of what he says to callers sounds emotionless.

[Major Ed Damien]

Your song parodies are causing me embarrassment in the library. I have to stuff my sleeve in my mouth to maintain control.

Snoorge is like a robot programed by the same folks who make the programs that do bad language translations and come out with ridiculous results. Last night he asked Yitta:  "what would readersl escape from your book with?" There was a moment of stunned silence when Yitta realized that Jorch is actually an idiot who does not belong on radio as an interviewer, and then in a voice filled with consternation she said: "you mean what will people COME AWAY WITH ( she pronounced those last three words slowly)  from my book?" Then he realized how silly the wording of his question was, and made an excuse that he used the word ESCAPE, because people escape into a book - which made him look even dumber. Even after that I thought she was gracious to Snoorge, but it seemed like in the last five minutes of her slot he couldn't wait to dump her. His good bye to her seemed forced and emotionless - but then again, a lot of what he says to callers sounds emotionless.

Like most dumbasses, George will always make matters worse by automatically lying about things -- trying to sound smarter than he is.

He has about as much business hosting a national radio program as Barney Fife did being a deputy.

[136 or 142]

For some reason George didn't have gun nut John Lott on his show to discuss this:
"A new analysis of the impact of right to carry (RTC) laws by Stanford University’s Abhay Aneja and John Donohue and Johns Hopkins University’s Alexandria Zhang debunks the “more guns, less crime” thesis. “On the contrary, the evidence suggests that the effects of RTC laws on crime are positive, meaning that adopting RTC laws appears to result in crime increases. This effect is strongest and most consistent for aggravated assault.”
"Different models yield different estimated effects: while no model shows that RTC laws decrease crime, the impact of RTC laws varies from model to model. In some models, RTC laws are associated with substantial and statistically significant crime increases across multiple crime categories. In others, the extent of the crime increase is more modest, or observable only in one crime category. In other words, the results are not robust to model specification.”
http://wonkwire.rollcall.com/2015/01/12/guns-dont-mean-less-crime/
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[Jorch Einstein]

If we all got our own human intention machine, could we make Jorch choke on a hot pizza roll?

[Major Ed Damien]

If we all got our own human intention machine, could we make Jorch choke on a hot pizza roll?

Somebody's human intention machine already turned him into a simpleton.


It might have been a mass mean baby intention.