George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[NoMoreNoory]

I offer this klashik from last night. Lehrburger mentioned the discovery of pre-Nazi swastika (it's a Sand Script word, folks) carvings in America. In jumps Joorch to show off his knowledge.....


"Until the Nazis came along, the swat sticker [sic] was a pretty good slogan, lim, symbol, wasn't it?"

[Jorch Einstein]

I offer this klashik from last night. Lehrburger mentioned the discovery of pre-Nazi swastika (it's a Sand Script word, folks) carvings in America. In jumps Joorch to show off his knowledge.....


"Until the Nazis came along, the swat sticker [sic] was a pretty good slogan, lim, symbol, wasn't it?"

Jorch should carve one into his forehead like Manson did. He could tell everyone he's trying to make it a good slogan again.

[Jorch Einstein]

Last night Jorch said "air-i-sull" when he was trying to pronounce the word aerosol. I caught that bit someone else mentioned in the hockey/stem cell story too. Jorch said "interviewus fusion." Whatever the hell that means. I'd like to see some "interviewus fusion" between Jorch and a guest. Maybe an "interviewus fusion" could result in a freakish hybrid-being with two heads. Jorch and Steve Quayle would be a good combo. The Quayle head could spout hysterical nonsense, then the Jorch head could say "Yes, that's true," "Something is happening," or "Could it be a portal?" at strategic moments.

[zeebo]

The guest has a romantic view of the Native Americans.  They were not peace and love and lets live in harmony with Mother Earth.   All of the men were supposed to be warriors. The tribes here were always warring against each other and taking each others land. ...

Interesting point 21st.  I'll admit I really don't know much about the real history but it does seem that the modern view of that time sort of spins their culture into some kind of proto new agers.  I suspect although certain elements of this are authentic it's probably a more complex picture, as is often the case if one takes a closer look. 

The thing I try to remember when looking at history is that these were real people, not the caricatures we're often taught.  They lived bound by the context of the time and place in which they lived.  They had their own motivations, challenges, values, flaws, world view, etc.  I think various cultures, historical figures, etc. are often over-simplified into convenient modern myths which does them and us a disservice.

[21st Century Man]

Interesting point 21st.  I'll admit I really don't know much about the real history but it does seem that the modern view of that time sort of spins their culture into some kind of proto new agers.  I suspect although certain elements of this are authentic it's probably a more complex picture, as is often the case if one takes a closer look. 

The thing I try to remember when looking at history is that these were real people, not the caricatures we're often taught.  They lived bound by the context of the time and place in which they lived.  They had their own motivations, challenges, values, flaws, world view, etc.  I think various cultures, historical figures, etc. are often over-simplified into convenient modern myths which does them and us a disservice.

I couldn't agree more.

[136 or 142]

Snorge used to have "The Man Who Predicts Earthquakes," Jim Berkman on semi-regularly. I wonder why he doesn't come on the show anymore?

1.Jim Berkland was on just a week ago: http://www.coasttocoastam.com/show/2015/01/07
News segment guests: Douglas Hagmann, Jim Berkland
To be sure he is no longer the regular he once was.



2.I believe some native indians also used to use their conquered enemies as slaves, though that may have been just after the Europeans arrived.


3.I don't know why the guest said that evidence of pre Columbian visits to the 'new world' was suppressed.  Here in British Columbia we were taught in junior high school 30 years ago that Leif Erickson and the Vikings set up Vinland in Nova Scotia in the 1300s.

[Jorch Einstein]

Dang did y'all hear that there show with Conny Willis and that really credible southern gal who done told us about them lycandroids and them Nazi cows? I cain't believe it, but me and my brother Cleetus went out ta do some cow tippin' the other night, and we done seen some of them Nazi cows! They even had a swat-sticker on em! It sure weren't something I was a expectin' ta see! Do ya'll think them Nazi cows were left here by them Project Paperclip Nazi people that done come over and built them spaceships? I wonder if them Nazi cows was used in the war? Maybe old Adolf was a breedin' them Nazi cows to fill up the atmosphere with so much methane fart gas that the whole wide world would say uncle! I believe them round UFO bases they found in Nazi land were really the beginnins of big domes they was a fixin' to build to protect them there Nazis from that methane fart gas. Whoo-eeee!

[albrecht]

Like most dumbasses, George will always make matters worse by automatically lying about things -- trying to sound smarter than he is.

He has about as much business hosting a national radio program as Barney Fife did being a deputy.

Firstly Don Knotts was a comic genius. Secondly in Mayberry he did a fine job and what is wrong with providing your cousin a job...lest he turn to drink like Otis. Thirdly, and lastly, GNS and shouldn't be even mentioned in same conversation with a good actor Don and GREATEST show ever like Andy Griffith Show.
-GNS

[ItsOver]

Dang did y'all hear that there show with Conny Willis and that really credible southern gal who done told us about them lycandroids and them Nazi cows? I cain't believe it, but me and my brother Cleetus went out ta do some cow tippin' the other night, and we done seen some of them Nazi cows! They even had a swat-sticker on em! It sure weren't something I was a expectin' ta see! Do ya'll think them Nazi cows were left here by them Project Paperclip Nazi people that done come over and built them spaceships? I wonder if them Nazi cows was used in the war? Maybe old Adolf was a breedin' them Nazi cows to fill up the atmosphere with so much methane fart gas that the whole wide world would say uncle! I believe them round UFO bases they found in Nazi land were really the beginnins of big domes they was a fixin' to build to protect them there Nazis from that methane fart gas. Whoo-eeee!

Aldo?  Is that you?

[At the stroke of midnight]

Last night when Snoorge, for the zillionth time, went off into a description of a scene from a film, it suddenly dawned on me why he does this. Any normal person who had risen up through the ranks of radio would have personal anecdotes to intersperse into his interview. All Jorch has done is go to collage, marry his high school sweetheart, have kids and climb the career ladder. In other words, he has never really lived, so he has no interesting stories. He uses film scenes in place of his own experience, and he seems fixated on Howard Beale. I think I'm going to vomit the next time I hear him describe the Beale scene. Also annoying is the fact that the film scenes he is referencing usually don't have much to do with the subject at hand. In the dim distant past when I actually watched the boob tube, I remember a skit on SNL where Chris Farley portrayed an obnoxious guy who's sole conversation was describing scenes from movies. I always think of that skit when Snoorge starts his boring movie scene descriptions. Also, he must have gotten a memo to appear more alert and active in his "interviews" because about two months ago he started this grunt that sounds like a "humph" that he is now constantly interjecting into the conversation, I guess to alert us that the guest has said something interesting. It's damn irritating.

That Earthquake Lady really went out on a limb last night. The next big earthquake is going to be: by water - maybe in the West or the middle of America - where it is not expected. Wow! What a daring prediction... and when she gets it right, Snoorge will give her a hit.

The second guest presented misinformation when he said Columbus was the first to bring slavery to North America. Inter-tribal slavery was going on here for hundreds of years before Columbus came. A decent host would have known this and would have brought it up.

[yumyumtree]

Yes, that pharmacist was really something.  At least he admitted openly that "doctors don't agree with me." Seriously? But he has doctor friends, but I'll bet they wouldn't want their daughter to marry him.


I would have told the guy with the constipated girlfreind to have her eat more fiber. Plus, how much do you want to bet that she weighs 300 lbs. and scarcely exercises?  Just a wild guess. The guest kept saying that "oatmeal is bad" without getting into specifics. Except for the anti-carb or maybe anti-gluten fanatics, it's hard to find anybody who is against oatmeal. I would have actually recommended it to the constipated girlfriend. Where does coast to coast dig these people up?


Incidentally if anybody is interested in a GOOD book about health and nutrition, read Diet Cults by Matt Fitzgerald. So refreshing.  He really launches on the raw food people, paleo people, anti-carb nuts, anti- exercise nuts, you name it.

[yumyumtree]

Dang did y'all hear that there show with Conny Willis and that really credible southern gal who done told us about them lycandroids and them Nazi cows? I cain't believe it, but me and my brother Cleetus went out ta do some cow tippin' the other night, and we done seen some of them Nazi cows! They even had a swat-sticker on em! It sure weren't something I was a expectin' ta see! Do ya'll think them Nazi cows were left here by them Project Paperclip Nazi people that done come over and built them spaceships? I wonder if them Nazi cows was used in the war? Maybe old Adolf was a breedin' them Nazi cows to fill up the atmosphere with so much methane fart gas that the whole wide world would say uncle! I believe them round UFO bases they found in Nazi land were really the beginnins of big domes they was a fixin' to build to protect them there Nazis from that methane fart gas. Whoo-eeee!

Oh, yes!  As soon as I'm done here, I plan to go to the Connie Willis thread.

[yumyumtree]

Z ("zed")

My ex-boyfriend(now dead) said al-yoo-MIN-e-um for aluminum. Where did he get that extra "i"?  He was British, but I don't think that had anything to do with it.

[Major Ed Damien]

Firstly Don Knotts was a comic genius. Secondly in Mayberry he did a fine job and what is wrong with providing your cousin a job...lest he turn to drink like Otis. Thirdly, and lastly, GNS and shouldn't be even mentioned in same conversation with a good actor Don and GREATEST show ever like Andy Griffith Show.
-GNS

You can always discount the rest of what anybody writes when they start out with "Firstly."  Pompously, it's hard to beat.

How about the time when the town of Mayberry almost blew up when Andy was away on sheriff's business?  There was nobody to report the natural gas leak to, thanks to Barney and Otis cornholing one another out at Ernest T. Bass's place.   Not that it would have mattered if Mayberry disappeared from the face of the earth.  Would the rest of the world really have ever known it was gone?  Nope.  Thankfully, the only building destroyed was the First Shi'ite Baptist Church of Mayberry, and the town had 18 other prayer facilities.

Or how about the time Ernest T. Bass refused to join Mayberry's chapter of Bestiality Anonymous after Andy's many discrete urgings?  It got to where the Bass freak was porking all the pork in the county, and he didn't care if it was in a school zone or not.  Naturally, Barney turned a blind eye to Bass's animal hijinks:  A.  Because he enjoyed watching it; and B. Ernest was letting Barney use an outhouse for the rampant manhole romps with Otis.

Or how about the time Barney and his drunken buddies stole all of Helen's and Thelma Lou's sheets so they could wear them when they burnt the giant cross in the front yard of the sole black family that tried to move into Mayberry?  Of course, Barney Fife went and used three times as much gasoline as he needed for the cross and burned their modest clapboard house up, too.  The town's lucky as shit that THAT little episode didn't make the cover of Newsweek.

Or how about the time Barney caught Aunt Bea having lesbian sex with the woman who always won the blue ribbon for her pickles?  I think we now know why she worked on cucumbers day and night.  Barney wanted to join in -- even though he was on duty -- but Aunt Bea hit him in the head with her iron chicken-frying skillet, which caused the county to have to pay for the x-ray of his skull fracture.

I continue to insist that Barney Fife had no business being Mayberry's deputy because he was incompetent enough to fuck up Floyd the Barber's wet dream, which I think was one of the color episodes.

[RJ]

"I think plants have brains!"


I always suspected that the movie "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" was based on a true story.  Last night Noory and his suppliment pushing, hot tubbing guest pretty much confirmed it!

[Gassy Man]

George's idiotic underwater pipeline idea dumbfounds guest.

[Major Ed Damien]

George doesn't "hear much about Japan any more," because he lives in a tiny cabin up Big Foot's ass.

[UFQuack]

It might be a little bit hard to believe but I think Jorch is a bit off tonight, more than his usual...wants to build a tunnel underwater from US to Japan? Did I hear that right?

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

My ex-boyfriend(now dead) said al-yoo-MIN-e-um for aluminum. Where did he get that extra "i"?  He was British, but I don't think that had anything to do with it.

Most metals on the periodic table, apart from a few of the common ones, end in 'ium' - 75 elements in all, or so.  The British just like to keep it real with aluminium.  It still sounds pretty weird to American ears and my Canadian ears though.

[Major Ed Damien]

George to the guest:  "I may be a vampire."


If so, he is the stupidest goddamned vampire ever to suck shit through a pair of dumbassed fangs.

[Immy]

Jorch shows his international flair by pronouncing the French daily newspaper Le Monde as "Mond-ay".

George Noory Suce

[Major Ed Damien]

George wondered if the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo would possibly 'make fun of fat people.'

That magazine makes fun of everything alive and dead.

If they made fun of the Prophet Muhammad then making fun of fat people would be pretty damned tame, wouldn't it, you dumbass?

He really is an ignoramus dropped out of an ignorance portal.

[NoMoreNoory]

Noory's on his 'did Charlie Hebdo have to provoke the terrorists?' kick again. He comes up with a perfect Nooryism in the process, describing the killers as 'going over the deep edge'.
I think this may be a record, because I detect three separate sayings mixed up in there, 'going over the top', 'jumping in at the deep end' and 'pushed over the edge'. I think. I'm very confused.
It's a very special talent to do that and be apparently complete unaware of doing it.

-GNS

[Major Ed Damien]

Noory's on his 'did Charlie Hebdo have to provoke the terrorists?' kick again. He comes up with a perfect Nooryism in the process, describing the killers as 'going over the deep edge'.
I think this may be a record, because I detect three separate sayings mixed up in there, 'going over the top', 'jumping in at the deep end' and 'pushed over the edge'. I think. I'm very confused.
It's a very special talent to do that and be apparently complete unaware of doing it.

-GNS

And think about this:

He did it all while breathing through his mouth.

[Jorch Einstein]

Jorch probably keeps on his "Charlie Hebdo provoked it" kick because he identifies with nutso, loser, religious wackos who are constantly mocked and made fun of. Heh heh. He'll soon be moving on to "no one should make fun of Jorch" arguments.

[zeebo]

George's idiotic underwater pipeline idea dumbfounds guest.

He's probably hoping it could power his Hawaiian volcano escalator.

[Major Ed Damien]

Jorch probably keeps on his "Charlie Hebdo provoked it" kick because he identifies with nutso, loser, religious wackos who are constantly mocked and made fun of. Heh heh. He'll soon be moving on to "no one should make fun of Jorch" arguments.

Good point.

Can you imagine what George would do to us if he was in charge?

Psychotic dumbasses who clearly relish stories about dead children, who speak of "mean babies," and who blame murdered people for what happened to them really hate being ridiculed.

[Jorch Einstein]

Good point.

Can you imagine what George would do to us if he was in charge?

Psychotic dumbasses who clearly relish stories about dead children, who speak of "mean babies," and who blame murdered people for what happened to them really hate being ridiculed.

He probably indulges in graphic revenge fantasies as he peruses the GNS thread, instead of paying attention to whoever he's interviewing at the moment.

[zeebo]

... He comes up with a perfect Nooryism in the process.... 'going over the deep edge'.

Confirmed, I heard it too.  Whoever is keeping the Nooryism Glossary, 2015 Updated and Expanded Edition, please include it, with an explanation of it's possible idiomatic origins.

[Major Ed Damien]

He probably indulges in graphic revenge fantasies as he trolls the GNS thread, instead of paying attention to whoever he's interviewing at the moment.

Out of frustration, he probably chews the crap out of that shitty dyed mustache.

Josef Mengele chewed on his stache so much while he was on the run in South America that it all formed into a giant hairball in his intestines causing a blockage.