My wife is pregnant.

[Avi]

I hope she aborts. the world doesn't need you to breed.

And besides, I could use a good snack.

I know you want to be outrageous, but you're really kind of a yawn. Sorry, I am raising 3 teenagers at this very moment, and you don't even rank. Ok, we get it. You don't approve of us. Next!

[Lovely Bones]

Amniocentesis results today! All is well on the genetic front. The twins are identical, rather than fraternal, but we did not ask the sex. It will be a surprise.

I've tutored and taught any number of identical twins, Avi.  You're in for some fun!  Is that you in your new avatar?  If so, the babies have a handsome dude for a daddy.

Meanwhile, our little forum troll has been busy, but he's really crossed a line with his post to you.  I don't care how much he thinks we suck--wishing that a much loved wife loses two very much loved babies is beyond the pale.  I hope Michael permanently bans the little sucker. 

[Avi]

I've tutored and taught any number of identical twins, Avi. 

Yes? Tell me more!

[Lovely Bones]

Yes? Tell me more!

There are two sets of twins I remember most fondly. 

One was a set of twin boys, age 10, whose father was a professor who wanted them tutored to prepare them for college level English (at age 10!!).  They were bright, engaging, generally lots of fun to with, but full of the games identical twins love to play on those who can't tell them apart.

My other favorites were two college level girls I taught for two semesters in sequential courses--both had been plagued by learning disabilities in their elementary and junior/senior high school years but had refused being placed in special education, deciding instead that sheer determination could overcome their challenges.  Normally, that's not a path I would have recommended, but these girls were both brilliant and determined beyond anything I'd ever seen.  Like the boys, they were identical, but no "fool the teacher" games from them!  One went on to become a lawyer, the other a businesswoman with an MBA.  I think it's been almost 20 years since I taught them, and they remain among my very favorite students of all time. 

Since I worked with older kids, I don't have any experiences to relate with little ones, and I'm sure that's the stage you're most interested in right now--like how can we be sure which one we just fed so we don't feed him/her twice?  With puppies, we use different colored collars--green boy, yellow boy, teal girl, etc.  You might want to try that! 

[Avi]

There are two sets of twins I remember most fondly. 

One was a set of twin boys, age 10, whose father was a professor who wanted them tutored to prepare them for college level English (at age 10!!).  They were bright, engaging, generally lots of fun to with, but full of the games identical twins love to play on those who can't tell them apart.

My other favorites were two college level girls I taught for two semesters in sequential courses--both had been plagued by learning disabilities in their elementary and junior/senior high school years but had refused being placed in special education, deciding instead that sheer determination could overcome their challenges.  Normally, that's not a path I would have recommended, but these girls were both brilliant and determined beyond anything I'd ever seen.  Like the boys, they were identical, but no "fool the teacher" games from them!  One went on to become a lawyer, the other a businesswoman with an MBA.  I think it's been almost 20 years since I taught them, and they remain among my very favorite students of all time. 

Since I worked with older kids, I don't have any experiences to relate with little ones, and I'm sure that's the stage you're most interested in right now--like how can we be sure which one we just fed so we don't feed him/her twice?  With puppies, we use different colored collars--green boy, yellow boy, teal girl, etc.  You might want to try that!

Thanks for your reply (and your compliment, although I think I look like the nerdy geek I am). My wife is an identical twin, so I am not allowed to dress them alike - ever. I am told that hair from the crown of the head curls in opposite directions in identical twins, so that's how we'll tell them apart - without telling them, of course. 

[BobGrau]

I suggest discrete tattoos.

[DietCoke]

my wife is pregnant with our second child. congrats man

[b_dubb]

Other names for this thread:

1) I forgot to pull out
2) the condom broke
3) the guy that "performed" my vasectomy was actually the janitor
4) I wasn't paying attention ( see 1 )
5) I meant to do that
6) we are Catholic
7) we are Mormon
8) I'm an aetheist but cling tenaciously to Catholic dogma out of sentimentality
9) Avi's mutant balls have capacity to self repair from surgical procedures

[Agent : Orange]

9) Avi's mutant balls have capacity to self repair from surgical procedures

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner

[b_dubb]

I was hoping someone would chime in with #10 but that works too

[Agent : Orange]

I was hoping someone would chime in with #10 but that works too

There's no way my #10 could possibly top Avi's mutant balls

[The General]

I was hoping someone would chime in with #10 but that works too

Ok. 
#10.  Loooook at Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Avi]

There's no way my #10 could possibly top Avi's mutant balls

It's actually a mutant vas deferens. Here's what a handy-dandy Guide to Vasectomy has to say:

Perhaps one of the worst possible outcomes of a vasectomy is a spontaneous reversal, resulting in a surprise restoration of fertility even after you have been declared "all clear." This is extraordinarily rare - figures quoted are usually 1 in 2000 to 1 in 4000 or higher.

The urologist told me that the truth is more like 1 in 250. I was "all clear" for 11 years. Yes, it can happen to you! I am not a mutant, damnit! I am getting the information out to the people, while Big Brother is breathing down my neck. Is that a m-f fruit fly? Look at meeee!

[Scully]

I am told that hair from the crown of the head curls in opposite directions in identical twins, so that's how we'll tell them apart - without telling them, of course.   

Or when they're still babies you can paint their toenails different colors.  That worked well for a friend. 

[MV/Liberace!]

4) I wasn't paying attention ( see 1 )

lol, nice.

[Agent : Orange]

I am not a mutant, damnit!

That's exactly the kind of denial I'd expect from a mutant

[Avi]

That's exactly the kind of denial I'd expect from a mutant

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful (except for that bitchy old hag, The General).

[Avi]

lol, nice.

Is this your excuse?

[Avi]

Or when they're still babies you can paint their toenails different colors.  That worked well for a friend. 

Thank-you! An excellent idea! The sheer brilliance available on Coastgab. Here is proof!

[Lovely Bones]

It's actually a mutant vas deferens. Here's what a handy-dandy Guide to Vasectomy has to say:

The urologist told me that the truth is more like 1 in 250. I was "all clear" for 11 years. Yes, it can happen to you! I am not a mutant, damnit! I am getting the information out to the people, while Big Brother is breathing down my neck. Is that a m-f fruit fly? Look at meeee!

Aaargh!  I now know more about Avi's boy parts than I ever wanted to know!   

[MV/Liberace!]

Is this your excuse?

actually, in my case, as i'm having sex i always shout out toward the end, "how does this work, anyway!!!"  the hilarity then ensues.

[b_dubb]

whoa whoa whooaaaaaa ... you haven't read the instruction manual?

[MV/Liberace!]

whoa whoa whooaaaaaa ... you haven't read the instruction manual?

can i order it from pueblo, colorado?

[b_dubb]

Indeed you can. As well as a thousand other marginally useful pamphlets

[Avi]

actually, in my case, as i'm having sex i always shout out toward the end, "how does this work, anyway!!!"  the hilarity then ensues.

C'est une bonne chance que votre femme ne parles pas anglais bien.

[Marc.Knight]

lol, in retrospect, i guess i should have made my announcement here rather than the "mish shedlock is a turd" thread, haha.

Congratulations!  A little baby is worth every sacrifice.

[b_dubb]

other names for this thread ...

#10 - my balls are running rampant and cannot be denied

[Pertzborn]

To resurrect the old usenet chestnut "me too!"

Mine too!

I have about 6 months before I start shitting nickles.  Now that I think about it, I could actually use those nickles!  This is #4 btw.  Pertzborn is about to visit the snip clinic.

[ziznak]

god bless her!! and ummmm... congrats... i think

[Frys Girl]

i don't want any children, but i'm happy for you guys. congratulations to all the new parents.