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Messages - AZZERAE

#4201
Random Topics / PM DUMP
June 30, 2019, 01:27:47 AM
Pastikan untuk menyimpan semua posting saya di sini juga.
#4202
Politics / Re: RELIGION Thread
June 30, 2019, 01:20:29 AM
"'Brothers, the Scripture had to be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit spoke beforehand by the mouth of David concerning Judas, who became a guide to those who arrested Jesus. For he was numbered among us and was allotted his share in this ministry.' (Now this man acquired a field with the reward of his wickedness, and falling headlong he burst open in the middle and all his bowels gushed out. And it became known to all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, so that the field was called in their own language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.) 'For it is written in the Book of Psalms, 'May his camp become desolate, and let there be no one to dwell in it'; and 'Let another take his office.'"

- Acts, 1:16-25
#4203
Politics / Re: Azzerae Tortures and Kills Pets
June 30, 2019, 12:55:46 AM
Kemungkinan Anda tidak lebih.

Hormati kata ganti-jika Anda ingin agar kami menghormati keamanan keuangan Anda.
#4205
Random Topics / Re: Mr. Spock's FishingGab Thread.
June 30, 2019, 12:41:59 AM
Grab your fishing poles, cuz someone's trip is rapidly approaching.
#4207
Quote from: paladin1991 on June 29, 2019, 10:06:46 PM
Wow. Easy, [AC400KICK]. You are definitely acting out in a homocidal manner. Better toss in 400 mg ziprasidone, twice daily, just to take the edge off.

Anthony, it'd behoove you to pay mind to this "fucking clinician". Its for the best.
#4208
Random Topics / Re: SUGAAAREE RANT
June 29, 2019, 12:36:13 PM
Quote from: Sugaree on June 28, 2019, 01:38:15 PM
Thank you!
you are stunning by the way!

You are sugary!
#4209
Radio and Podcasts / Re: TheErinnF YouTube Star
June 29, 2019, 06:53:49 AM
Quote from: whoozit on June 28, 2019, 08:21:15 PM
What I said was meant with true compassion ... I still hope she finds and fixes what ails her.

Good on you, Whoozit.
#4210
Random Topics / Re: SUGAAAREE RANT
June 28, 2019, 01:25:00 PM
Love your posts!
#4211
Random Topics / Re: SUGAAAREE RANT
June 28, 2019, 01:23:03 PM
mwah
#4212
Kathy? The bigger animal.
#4213
Politics / Re: Azzerae Tortures and Kills Pets
June 28, 2019, 09:12:33 AM
We were gracious enough to humour you, and laugh along in the beginning. But boy did you screw up.

I would strongly advise the publisher of the original post retract said content.

Below is a transcript of the correspondence you shall receive...

- AZRAA

“28/6/2019
By BellGab user: “AZRAA”

To BellGab user: “Kidnostad3”

Dear Mr. Kidnostad3,

This law firm represents “Azzerae”. If you are represented by legal counsel, please direct this letter to your attorney immediately and have your attorney notify us of such representation.

You are hereby directed to

CEASE AND DESIST ALL DEFAMATION OF
AZZERAE’S CHARACTER AND REPUTATION.

Azzerae is an educated, respected professional in the community. They have spent years serving the community in their posts and building a positive reputation. Azzerae has learned that you have engaged in spreading false, destructive, and defamatory rumors about them.

Under international law, it is unjust to engage in defamation of another’s character and reputation. Defamation consists of:

1) A statement that tends to injure reputation
2) Communicated to another
and
3) That the writer knew or should have known was false.

Your defamatory statements involved alleging that my client tortures and abuses animals, and a presumption and misstatement on their gender.

Accordingly, we demand that you (A) immediately cease and desist your unlawful defamation of AZZERAE and (B) provide us with prompt written assurance within ten (10) days that you will cease and desist from further defamation of AZZERAE’s character and reputation.

If you do not comply with this cease and desist demand within this time period, AZZERAE is entitled to seek monetary damages and equitable relief for your defamation. In the event you fail to meet this demand, please be advised that AZZERAE has asked us to communicate to you that they will pursue all available legal remedies, including seeking monetary damages, injunctive relief, and an order that you pay court costs and attorney’s fees. Your liability and exposure under such legal action could be considerable.

Before taking these steps, however, my client wished to give you one opportunity to discontinue your illegal conduct by complying with this demand within ten (10) days. Accordingly, please sign and return the attached Defamation Settlement Agreement within ten (10) days to the address which you will be notified of in your mail.

I recommend that you consult with an attorney regarding this matter. If you or your attorney have any questions, please contact me directly.

Sincerely,

Walalangi & Partners (in association with Nishimura & Asahi)”
#4214
Politics / Re: Abortion
June 28, 2019, 08:23:14 AM
Quote from: Kidnostad3 on June 16, 2019, 09:06:17 AM
You have broken the record for the most logical fallacies contained in any statement of equivalent length ...

Rich.
#4215
Radio and Podcasts / Re: Best C2C year?
June 28, 2019, 08:07:42 AM
2006 was great. Art sounded so well rested, and happy. I preferred his pace and the level of gravel in his voice, just doing weekends.
#4216
Random Topics / Re: Azraa's Thread
June 28, 2019, 03:17:49 AM
Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
Have you even stood near neon signs? Are the voices worse there?

Funny you should mention this, intense light and sound, I'm very sensitive to. I steer clear of anything resembling a neon sign ... but I can't say the voices are worse around bright light.

I was at a concert - which I wanted to attend - just a weekend or so ago, and I was enjoying the music. But after about 15 minutes, the level of the noise became too much for me, and I literally RAN about a half a mile away (or more) in order to pursue solitude and quiet. I've been insultingly referred to as "autistic" by many an aquaintance, but I haven't had the chance to tell my therapist that yet. The last session I went to, I had saved up around 20 or so questions I intended to ask, and to my surprise, it was a half hour appointment, and not a full hour as my initial one was. So I am hoping to refine those questions, consolidate and rewrite them into new ones, and announce at the beginning of the next session that I have some questions.

The voices often have appeared around mirrors and water. So not neon signs. I did have seizures near the TV as a kid, but I think my brain chemistry is just screwy, as I'm not triggered otherwise by light sensitivity in that sense. I can bear flickering, and not have any major repurcussions, it just makes me uncomfortable. When I think back to how much I used to go out and drink alcohol and watch musicians perform live, it makes my skin crawl having to ever do that again.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
Are [the voices you hear] quieter on very cloudy days?

I haven't noticed...

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
Have any of them ever come through on a digital recorder like RCA or Olympus?

Not that I can recall.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
Did you know there is a type of tinnitus that experts say others can hear if you have it? A few times my cat has heard my tinnitus!

I didn't know that, no! I have tinnitus in my right ear, and its strong if I lay on my left side at night, when in bed. So I just sleep on my right, and then its all good. My cat goes absolutely bonkers when I open emails. I think they're able to sense anxiety in us.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
The love between people lasts forever.

Now that is a comforting thought.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
I read that schizophrenics don't have multiple personalities. Do you think that's true? Because you use "we" sometimes for you?

I don't think schizophrenia is anything more than a blanket term for a wide variety of mental health disorders - all so different.

The term itself means "shattered mind", I think. I definitely feel I have more than one person who is accompanying me through my days, but I find it embarrassing to discuss. It scares me, but it also feels natural. The level of anonymity we have access to on the web is, I believe, a great risk for those of us suffering identity crises.
#4217
Random Topics / Re: Azraa's Thread
June 28, 2019, 03:00:38 AM
Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
Pot makes a psycho mess when combined with a certain type of mental health drugs.

That's a fact. When I was abusing alcohol and drugs (mainly marijuana), all I was on by way of mental health drugs was a low dose of a mood stabilizer. The trouble is, I never knew it was a mood stabilizer till a few months ago, as the reason I was on the drug was to treat epileptic seizures. Little did I know it was calming me to a tiny degree, and the calm I was chasing through substance abuse was the calm I could get way less dangerously through mental health treatment. My parents didn't have a lot of money, and my mother always had dismissive things to say about psychiatry, so naturally I adopted this attitude, becoming more and more unstable till my breakdown earlier this year. The months since are a blur. My mind has never been the same, I can't focus on much and I'm so forgetful I have to set numerous alarms throught the day to get simply tasks completed. Half the time I'm so apathetic I can't get up. I never used to be like this. I thought the medication would keep me more on an even keel, but I still have my psychotic episodes where the tunnel vision is so strong, I can only be told by others after I've done something what it was I was doing. This creates all sorts of problems in my life, and I'll probably wind up on the street and die alone, unmourned and unloved.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
You mentioned one can be a sickness that infects its host. Well, not so fast. You are the host, right? You HAVE a sickness, you're not BEING the sickness, right? I mean, I can see that identity crises are the issue here, yes. But, you are intelligent enough to know you are the host. If you were the disease itself, you would be a biological agent infecting other's brains from within.

I was being flippant about an otherwise serious set of circumstances. I write to try and express my pain. I do sometimes feel I am a sickness that infects my friends. And I don't like it. It pushes people away. And there are cruel people who play with my naivete.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
As a kid, I wasn't allowed to have an identity. If someone asked my favorite color, my parents answered for me (and they were wrong). No one knew my size - I took handmedowns from a girl built totally opposite me. Nobody knew my preferences, my wishes, my favorites, nothing. Other girls had collections. I had to scream bloody murder for half a year just to get a Light Bright. I was in my mid-twenties before I realized that I actually DO like hamburgers, if the ketchup is omitted.  The way I was raised, you would NEVER say, "No ketchup". You took your food the way it was served and not one peep about it. I wasn't allowed to present my own identity. If I had friends, I was mocked sarcastically as a social butterfly. If I kept to myself, I was criticized as dysfunction. Any time I joined a group, my parents performed subterfuge - sending hate letters to churches, meddling with authority figures, being rude to teachers ... Most of all, I couldn't have an identity because the truths I needed to tell (about abuse in the family) could not be spoken. So, in person, no one really knew me, not even me. How could I know myself when my own feelings were constantly being invalidated! But, I always had a journal. It filled 39 standard three-ring binders by the time I was 40.

It was really fun in my 30s and 40s seeing who I really am. My decisions, my actions, my likes and dislikes. A whole new world opened up. I found out so much. The world became friendlier, as I was able to customize. Well, at least I've had time to be me - learning new things in your 30s and 40s isn't the end of the world. I would have hated to start figuring this out in my 70s, what would the use be!

The way you deal with your setbacks is very inspiring. I'm glad you wrote things down. I have been given artistic talent, along with all my other afflictions, and I filled up many sketchbooks with my mad ramblings, diary entries, sketches, paintings and other creations. Some of them were of a terribly disturbing nature, and once my parents found them, they reprimanded me so such an extent I threw a garbage bag full of years of artwork out in tears. That was one of the most heart-wrenching and traumatic events that ever occurred to me in my life - I'd say abuse and incessant bullying was far easier to bear. It still haunts me, and I try remember what I had put in those books. My ideas were pouring out of me at that age, and I've never been able to recreate the feeling. I realize now, in hindsight, that I was staying up all night in highschool in a manic state, using black coffee (when I hated the taste) as a stimulant, and it was flipping my manic state into hyperdrive. When in that state, at that age, not understanding what was going on, it just felt like a high I could ride - and seek - night after night. I cared about nothing else. And religious concepts as well as satan and the occult would come spilling out my pen without hesitation. I never understood any of it. It still lives in me, but its dimmer in nature - in the back of my head. Its more addictive, and self destructive than any drug could be to me.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
Maybe someday they will find a cure for schizophrenia.

Well, we live in hope. My diagnosis is not as straightforward as this. There are elements of other things, mood disorders being a large part. The hallucinations are something that the doctor doesn't seem to want to categorize as schizophrenic, because I have moments of the utmost clarity and what they call "insight" into what occurs. I don't think this is true, though. I just work very hard at trying to overcome what I go through, and I am a good communicator 50% of the time, and always present myself well groomed and keep an impeccable outward appearance. That's when I leave the house. I'm disorganized in many ways that I've learnt to hide, because I never thought there was anything wrong with me for years. I thought life was just so painful and unbearable for everybody. And it is. But not in the way that one who is mentally ill experiences. The first direction my psychiatrist wanted to go in was an unspecified class of bipolar, but I have suffered a confusing amount of mixed states, including unipolar depression and delusions that are tough to uncover. I feel mental health professionals, and especially the one I see, is very overworked, and although she pays as close attention as she can, she takes too much of what I say at face value. There are forces working through me that do not always present my experiences in a precise enough nature to determine what it is I'm going through.

The greatest irony is that medical professionals in the field talk to us nut jobs about our problems, and make assessments in this way. Sure, they're trained to read body language and other non-verbal cues, but if overworked, and not paying close enough attention, they can be tripped up and misdiagnose us in seconds. The fact that physical tests are few and far between when it comes to brain chemistry issues is another red flag. I live in hope there will be a cure, but I don't foresee one until the establishment is changed to a more effective form of therapy. There are probably fakers out there who don't want to work, and seek to collect a disability cheque, and so schedule an appointment with a medical practioner only to spout nonsense, and be approved by their insurance, and live it up. This, to me, instills a deep sadness. So there needs to be a more wider scope of checks and balances employed (in my view).
#4218
Random Topics / Re: Azraa's Thread
June 28, 2019, 02:28:40 AM
Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
When I work ... I'm not here much.

Yeah. I miss you terribly, when you're away.
#4219
Random Topics / Re: Azraa's Thread
June 28, 2019, 02:23:09 AM
Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
It takes many interactions with a person to see how they are, so friendships develop.

While thats an accurate assumption on its face, so many of these trolls wear masks. And its apparent that once you unveil their first mask, another lies beneath it.

As for me, I sometimes wonder what is under all of the masks that have taken hold of me. Probably another mask.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
I still think 26 marbles is Metron ...

C'mon now - you're better than bad puns, sis. But, what you choose to believe is your prerogative. I can't trust anyone, I've learnt. I'm going to do my best to not have that apply to our friendship, and just rather trust you till you give me reason not to - though I'm hurt by the frog that pretended to be a prince. I won't mention any names. We can call them "Judas".

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
I was thinking affirmations like, "I am lovable", "I am safe", "calm, calm, calm", "LOVE, LOVE, LOVE", things like that ...

While any number of negative affirmations occur and appear to me in full form at the drop of a hat, the 4 you've written here are ones I'll write in my little black book, and use from here on out. You really do help, and I can tell you have a special gift for caring for others.

Many of us are "takers": shy, distrusting, and relationally impaired. Whereas; our mandate SHOULD RATHER BE to make "friends" out of others, not just bench warmers and financial contributors. I suppose my thinking (and labeling) of my fellow travelers as the "Other" is one of my greatest errors in thinking.

Quote from: Sixteen on June 26, 2019, 09:54:59 PM
I'm sorry for the cross you bear. Lifelong problems are tragic. I was injured badly at age 5, and it affected my body for over 30 years. Other things have plagued me for life and that's a serious thing. It's a loss. But, living as well as possible is the best response. With self-compassion, minimizing my own self-pity, and adjusting my goals/standards as necessary.

Jesus carried a far heavier cross, so I guess I should be grateful for such minimal afflictions. And offer them up as many of the saints did. I've been told the fact one is mistreated by their fellow man is the reason we are shaped into compassionate souls, but it always makes me feel cheated. Its like we must be grateful for abuse and suffering, when it is the opposite of how one psychologically responds (I believe we're born knee-jerk, lizard brain reactionaries) and it just feels cruel that we have to work so hard to not be so.
#4220
Quote from: DynamoHum on June 27, 2019, 02:09:02 PM
It makes it seem more like real radio in [Heather's] sad cosplay.

Oof.

There it is.
#4221
#4222
Random Topics / Re: Ask Jackstar Anything
June 27, 2019, 12:10:43 PM
Dear Jackstar,

Will it ever end?

Kind regards,

AZRAA
#4224
How To Use BellGab / Re: Change of Display Name
June 27, 2019, 07:50:25 AM
Thank you so very much. Praise be to you, Liberace!
#4228
Politics / Re: RELIGION Thread
June 27, 2019, 04:59:13 AM
La Alh Iilaa Allah Muhamad Rasul Allah.
#4230
Politics / Re: RELIGION Thread
June 27, 2019, 04:34:28 AM
"Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. 'To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.'"

- Revelation, 3:13-22
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